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Original poster

To not want to go to her birthday anymore?

222 replies

toastandbutterandjam · 10/02/2016 10:23

It was one of my best friends birthdays recently and we are all going out at the weekend to celebrate. She invited me way back before christmas and has recently invited everyone else.

There are about 27 of us going (including me and her). I know nobody else going. We are going for a meal. I asked her where we were going when she invited me and she said she hadn't decided yet. After speaking to the other 25 people, they have decided to go for pizza. My friends know I don't like pizza but I said I will go and have pasta or something similar but she said "there are no pasta meals on the menu, just Pizza. You can order a starter and just eat that." I'm fine with that because it's her birthday, so she can eat where she wants.

I met up with her last week and she said they are going for drinks before and after the meal. I haven't been invited to the pre/post drinks. She said "Oh, can't wait for my birthday,me and (listed other 25 names) are going for pre drinks, will meet you at the restaurant, eat and then me and (listed other 25 names) are going for drinks again after you go home. Don't stay too long will you. When we've eaten the meal, you can go. I'm not coming home with you either because i've planned to stay at (persons) house too, so you're on your own."
I am travelling for two hours to be at her birthday - She lives 2 roads from me (but is having her birthday out somewhere), so I assumed we would go together and travel home together. Me travelling by myself is no problem though.

I feel like such an idiot, travelling for two hours to pay to eat a bowl of potato wedges (or something similar) and then going home again. I will be travelling for four hours in total (two hours each way). I don't drive, so there's no issue with me not being able to drink and I have no reason to be home by a certain time/no kids to look after the next day. I am not one to get drunk anyway, so I probably would have had one or two drinks and then had soft drinks the rest of the evening - she will get drunk so I would have stayed sober so I can help her home etc.

I asked her about it and the friends house she is staying at is literally round the corner from where we both live as well. Her and this friend will both be getting drunk so I said "will you both be okay coming home?" and she went "Yeah, the pre and post drinks are gonna be a right laugh, shame you're not coming, isn't it?"
I am really quite hurt by this (i'm feeling quite sensitive at the momentSad because i've had lots going on and have been struggling to cope - she is aware of this). She is one of my close friends and some of the people coming to her birthday are not people she really likes, they are coming to keep the numbers up - she has said this to me.
I am thinking about not going. I told her that and she just went "WOW! you ABU. Not coming because I haven't invited you to drinks. How shallow. I didn't invite you because we're all getting hammered and you'll just be sitting there like a loser on your own."

She is one of the few people I felt I could trust and now it feels like she doesn't even like me. I always go out of my way to help her out in any way I can. I'm not hurt over the drinks, i'm hurt because it seems like she doesn't want me there at all.

Am I being overly emotional for no reason?

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 10/02/2016 12:00

"They said they feel she (birthday friend) is very misunderstood and my lack of attendance will be really hurtful to her."

So this isn't a friend who said this to you either. Because apparently, Party "Friend" can be as fucking hurtful as she likes to you and that's ok, she's just "misunderstood" - but you have to take all her bitch comments on the chin and STILL turn up to half her party because she'll take it amiss if you don't?

FUCK THAT.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 10/02/2016 12:00

Balls. Italic fail. You get the point though.

AliceInUnderpants · 10/02/2016 12:00

AliceInUnderpants No, we're all around the same age. There are people older than me attending

Ah okay, some of your other posts suggested you were older than 20/21. I wondered if that was maybe the reason for her distancing herself from the friendship.

cozietoesie · 10/02/2016 12:05

She listed another 25 names? Twice? Whatever else you say about her, that's some memory.

ButEmilylovedhim · 10/02/2016 12:05

COMPLETELY agree ThumbWitches. FUCK THAT indeed.

eddielizzard · 10/02/2016 12:06

she sounds awful. better off without her i think!

Viviennemary · 10/02/2016 12:07

There is no reason you should go to this birthday meal. She sounds horrible. What is the point in considering her a friend when she acts like this. Sounds like she has a problem with drinking. Keep away.

Inertia · 10/02/2016 12:07

Good friends don't call one another losers.

A true friend would not only have invited you along for the whole thing, she would also have tried to figure out some way for you to stay over with her.

I bet she originally asked you along so that you could drive her, but doesn't need you now that she has somewhere to stay over. I would drop this friend until she's figured out how to play nice.

( Also, be on the lookout for her squirming up to you for lifts if her overnight plans fall through).

OOAOML · 10/02/2016 12:09

Sounds like she's seeing how cruel she can get away with being.

I bet she'd make you split the bill evenly as well, despite you only having a starter.

abigamarone · 10/02/2016 12:11

Honestly, I wouldn't waste my time telling her I wasn't going. I just wouldn't turn up. if you did go, you'd only end up splitting the bill and pay 5 times what you'd spent.

Goingtobeawesome · 10/02/2016 12:12

Her being mean to you makes her feel all big and powerful. Do you want that?

Don't go, don't text, just block her and be done. You deserve better.

diddl · 10/02/2016 12:13

Your lack of attendance would be hurtful?

If so, don't go & good!

But she seems so self involved I doubt that she'd notice.

If OP wants to sit "like a loser"Hmm, isn't that her decision to make?

Borninthe60s · 10/02/2016 12:16

I would ring her and tell her that you would like to join the, for pre and post drinks and see no reason why you can't but realise that she's only invited you to the meal out of politeness not because she wants you there. Is then wish her all the best with the night and say you've had a better offer.

GiddyOnZackHunt · 10/02/2016 12:17

She's acting like a spoilt toddler. She wants her security blanket (you) and all her shiny new toys too.
Sadly you aren't a scruffy old blankie that can be put down, picked up and mistreated as she feels like it. And she needs to figure that out sharpish.

OzzieFem · 10/02/2016 12:20

From what I have read on previous mumsnet posts when there is a big birthday/engagement/hen party there seems to be a general expectation that the guests pay for the do and the birthday girl goes free.

Sounds like they may be all putting in for the pizza place and expect you to cough up a full share and not just pay for your starter. Have you considered that OP?

You are being played and the bitch friend does consider you a loser to take so much from her. It's up to you to decide whether you are or not. Flowers

SevenOfNineTrue · 10/02/2016 12:21

Sorry OP but you may think of her as your best friend, she clearly does not regard you as a friend at all.

Mamadothehump · 10/02/2016 12:23

Please waste no more of your time on this spiteful woman-child. You sound like a lovely friend but she certainly isn't much of a friend to you. Don't let her walk all over you OP!

DownstairsMixUp · 10/02/2016 12:24

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

ConkersDontScareSpiders · 10/02/2016 12:27

Ask her politely why she is being so very nasty?
And then drop her sharpish.You don't need thaf in your life.

lougle · 10/02/2016 12:29

When you are 40, you'll look back and wonder why you even considered going. You need to build your self-esteem and get better friends.

QuietWhenReading · 10/02/2016 12:29

Apologies haven't read the full thread but from your OP if you randomly tapped some stranger in the street on the shoulder you'd fine a better friend than this!!

I wouldn't go under these circumstances.

If you don't want a confrontation have a 'migraine' at the last minute.

I'd certainly not be picking her up at 5am ;'(or any other time) either. Don't answer her calls after bedtime.

In fact I'd stop answering her call at all.

liquidrevolution · 10/02/2016 12:30

OP you sound the kind of natural beauty most other women would be jealous of.

Cancel the meal. You have grown apart, you can still be friends - just not as close as you were. You are worth so much more. Do not giver her more than you get back in time and effort.

Theresadogonyourballs · 10/02/2016 12:33

I know this has been said before on MN, but who are these people?!?
How the hell do they get through life, behaving like this? Or am I just an old gimmer who doesn't understand 'how the modern world works'? (God, I hope not!)
OP. You sound so lovely and sweet. Your friend is not a friend. She is a massive bitch. You don't need people like this in your life, you really don't. Fuck how long you've known her, that's irrelevant. Ditch her and don't look back. That's the best thing I ever did to the 'best friend' who treated me like this, and I have never regretted it for one single second.
You're so young, you've got your whole life stretching out in front of you. Fill it with lovely, kind people who will make you happy. Not nasty bitches who need to grow up. Thanks

OnlyLovers · 10/02/2016 12:37

She's being a cunt.

Sounds like she has a cool new gang and has decided you don't fit in any more. She is behaving like a teenage bully about it.

Don't go. Block her from your phone and any social media. Don't waste another second on her.

I'm sorry; I get that you've known her for a long time. But honestly, there ARE people in the world who do not treat 'friends' like this.

You deserve better.

plantsitter · 10/02/2016 12:39

Christ it sounds awful. Just don't go. You could ask her in a faux-concerned way if she's ill in some way because she's being a bitch and never has been before? If you've known her since you were 3!