To not want to go to her birthday anymore?

[toastandbutterandjam]

It was one of my best friends birthdays recently and we are all going out at the weekend to celebrate. She invited me way back before christmas and has recently invited everyone else.

There are about 27 of us going (including me and her). I know nobody else going. We are going for a meal. I asked her where we were going when she invited me and she said she hadn't decided yet. After speaking to the other 25 people, they have decided to go for pizza. My friends know I don't like pizza but I said I will go and have pasta or something similar but she said "there are no pasta meals on the menu, just Pizza. You can order a starter and just eat that." I'm fine with that because it's her birthday, so she can eat where she wants.

I met up with her last week and she said they are going for drinks before and after the meal. I haven't been invited to the pre/post drinks. She said "Oh, can't wait for my birthday,me and (listed other 25 names) are going for pre drinks, will meet you at the restaurant, eat and then me and (listed other 25 names) are going for drinks again after you go home. Don't stay too long will you. When we've eaten the meal, you can go. I'm not coming home with you either because i've planned to stay at (persons) house too, so you're on your own."
I am travelling for two hours to be at her birthday - She lives 2 roads from me (but is having her birthday out somewhere), so I assumed we would go together and travel home together. Me travelling by myself is no problem though.

I feel like such an idiot, travelling for two hours to pay to eat a bowl of potato wedges (or something similar) and then going home again. I will be travelling for four hours in total (two hours each way). I don't drive, so there's no issue with me not being able to drink and I have no reason to be home by a certain time/no kids to look after the next day. I am not one to get drunk anyway, so I probably would have had one or two drinks and then had soft drinks the rest of the evening - she will get drunk so I would have stayed sober so I can help her home etc.

I asked her about it and the friends house she is staying at is literally round the corner from where we both live as well. Her and this friend will both be getting drunk so I said "will you both be okay coming home?" and she went "Yeah, the pre and post drinks are gonna be a right laugh, shame you're not coming, isn't it?"
I am really quite hurt by this (i'm feeling quite sensitive at the moment because i've had lots going on and have been struggling to cope - she is aware of this). She is one of my close friends and some of the people coming to her birthday are not people she really likes, they are coming to keep the numbers up - she has said this to me.
I am thinking about not going. I told her that and she just went "WOW! you ABU. Not coming because I haven't invited you to drinks. How shallow. I didn't invite you because we're all getting hammered and you'll just be sitting there like a loser on your own."

She is one of the few people I felt I could trust and now it feels like she doesn't even like me. I always go out of my way to help her out in any way I can. I'm not hurt over the drinks, i'm hurt because it seems like she doesn't want me there at all.

Am I being overly emotional for no reason?

Blimey, she sounds absolutely horrible. Don't go. Don't worry how it will affect your friendship, because no friend would do or say what she's said to you.

Oh yes, and if she says you are sulking because she didn't want you to drink with them, say, no, I am furious with you for calling me a loser. And that you are no longer friends.
What a nasty cow she is!

This person is no friend of yours, either close or distant. Cancel without any qualms and drop her like a stone.

Time to find some real friends, I think. And good riddance to this woman! You're well rid of her.

Agree with all of the above. This person is not your friend. Don't go, you do not need people like this in your life

How old is she? 14?

Don't even bother explaining. Just say, 'sorry, something's come up, can't make your birthday.' and drop her like a stone.

I would laugh and ask her if she is taking the piss? Fuck that. Send her a message saying you won't be coming and you hope she has a good night, then ditch her. If she asks why either a) ignore as it should be bloody obvious and she doesn't deserve an answer or b) tell her the truth and say it won't be any funny feeling an outcast all night and you think it's rude that you are not invited to the drinks part. Add Fuck Off in there too if you fancy it. Honestly, she is bring a total dick, you are not over sensitive.

RatherBeRiding Been friends since we were 3. I thought maybe someone was going to the drinks that I didn't get along with at first, but then she said I knew nobody going

LagunaBubbles No history of this nastiness.

I wouldn't mind if she doesn't like me and just came out and said it to me. It's just the comments that were hurtful!

I think I will call her now and speak to her - tell her i'm not coming and why!

Don't go. She is not your friend and unless she is mind bogglingly stupid she must realise how hurtful she is being. So why does she want to hurt you? Are her new friends so amazingly super cool that you no longer fit her image of herself or has something happened in your life that she is jealous of? Either way, don't go and do not buy her a present. You deserve better and you need to find new friends.

I wouldn't.

I just wouldn't turn up.

And I'd block her number.

toast I hope you have said you are not going, she obviously doesn't value you at all as she hasn't invited you to the main event bit of the evening (drinks both sides). Why would it hurt her if you were sat there? Even if she is worried you won't know anyone, that's no reason to leave you out!

Honestly, she may be an old friend, but she can't be your best friend, it's better to have no friends then you can start again and meet some nicer people than cling onto someone who simply doesn't like you and thinks it's ok to give you a little kick every now and again to make herself feel better.

If she genuinely thought you wouldn't like this event (and this is not the case, she's pissed off you are not coming to your designated slot) she could have arranged a lunch for the two of you at a different time.

She sounds AWFUL, I can only imagine she has acquired 27 friends as they don't know her very well yet!

Good for you! I am flabbergasted by the nastiness of a supposed "friend". She is a bitch-on-wheels and needs to wake up to herself. She will soon realise what she has done the next time she needs you to go and pick her up at some ungodly hour. Tell her to go fuck herself.

I'd text her and say you're not going, and I wouldn't bother getting in touch again.

This is absolutely atrocious!

Just text her and say 'Just to let you know I won't be able to come to your birthday meal. I have other plans.'

That is all you need to say and it's the truth - you do have other plans. A lovely evening in relaxing will be far preferable to this.

I really wouldn't be bothering with someone who behaved like this.

GloriousGoosebumps Nothings happened in my life that I think anyone would be jealous of. I've been very unwell recently and she knows that - she now claims to have the same illness (she may well have it - I don't know) and someone in my life has died (she now says that same someone in her life has died). She has recently got a new job that she loves, is off to uni etc, so I wouldn't think she would be jealous of me!

She's not a friend. And for some reason she wants to pretend she's popular, and she's doing that by making you odd one out.
What is she, 14?

Ditch the Bitch. You can do better. Here, put your feet up, I made you this

Never mind not going, I think you need to tell her to fuck right off on a permanent basis. What a cow!

Yanbu I'd not bother contacting her or turning up.

Please don't waste anymore time on this person. You're worth so much more.

How old is she? This sounds exhausting.

Don't bother texting, she hasn't earned the respect. Just don't turn up. Block her,

OP, if this is how 'one of your best friends' treats you, I'd really hate to see how distant acquaintances or actual enemies do!

Is there a history of you lying down under this kind of spoilt and demanding behaviour?

Also, quite apart from the actual nastiness, she sounds a bit mad - who, however selfish and thoughts, actually explicitly says 'Me and Sandra, Michelle, Andrew, Parresh, Niamh, Mary, Louise [and twenty other names] are going for pre-dinner drinks, so we'll meet you at the restaurant, and then me and Sandra, Michelle, Andrew, Parresh, Niamh, Mary, Louise [and twenty other names] are going for post-dinner drinks after you go home - when you've finished eating, you can go, so don't dawdle'!!!!

Time to let go of your 'friend' and move on. You deserve a lot more respect than this.

She sounds horrible, nobody needs a friend like that. Definitely do not waste your time and money on that horrible evening of being excluded!

I presume you don't drink alcohol which is why you are not interesting enough to be invited to drinks. What a bitch! No way would I go, and I would question remaining friends with her.

It's her 21st for everyone asking, so she said "it's going to be a big one"

Her birthday passed two weeks ago. I called and her sister answered her phone - she is still asleep, so I asked her sister to tell her I called because I need to speak to her about her birthday. If she doesn't call me back (I doubt she will), i'll call her later on and tell her i'm not coming.

TitClash thank you! I'll have some with it too