Been stupid again

[messyoldmess]

As some of you will know, my H & I decided to separate back in June, but he refused to leave the house, so we have been stuck in limbo for quite a while now.
A few weeks ago I went out with some friends & a bloke came up & chatted to me. He asked if I was single & I explained my situation to him. He told me he separated from his wife back in March & asked if I wanted to meet up for a drink some time.
I told him that I couldn't atm because of circumstances, but that I would consider it at some point & I went & gave him my mobile number, as he seemed a nice chap & I thought that one day I may take him up on his offer of a drink.
I know this was stupid, but he seemed to be a nice bloke & I thought it would be harmless (although NOT yet!)
Well, just before Christmas he went & text me wishing me a merry Christmas & giving me his text number. I didn't reply to that text, but today he text me again asking if I got his text & I replied & told him I had and that I may be happy to meet him for a drink in time, but not until things were sorted here.
He text back saying he looked forward to it, but knew it was difficult for me.

Anyway, I went for a bath & left my phone on the side. H then said to me "You don't want to leave your phone around because you never know what people may read."
I immediately knew what he had seen & went down to my phone to see it left on the message from this bloke.
I told him nothing had gone on, but that he was a nice chap who I would have a drink with when the time was right, but there has been no physical contact (which there hasn't) at all, just a conversation.
He has asked when this happened & if my sister knew about it.
I just feel sick with everything & know I was bad. It was just nice to meet a man who seemed nice & didn't just want to take me home & get his way with me.
I know I am bad & fully understand how wrong I am. I am just feeling a bit crap & needed to get it off my chest on MN.

How about "Practical advice for the soon-to-be single parent? Light-hearted or serious!"

Hope your ok MOM
I hope the weekend isnt too hard for you.
Stay strong

Last night was rough, as I had H crying on me & apologising for the way he has treated me over the years.
He knows it is too late now & that his behaviour has driven me away & he was getting all tearful.
He says he's going to miss the boys.
I told him that I could not put up with his behaviour any longer & this is why I have stuck with my decision & know it's the right thing to do, however painful.
I went to bed very tearful.

Have arranged to view a house!

at house.

He is an arsehole, and it is just one more way of trying to control you.

Well, this is a new tactic. He's trying bullying you, demeaning you and accusing you of being a slag. Now he's turning on the tears because he knows that you are a kind and compassionate person.

YOu ought to try explaining that there is absolutely no chance of a reconciliation all the while he is still under the same roof as you as it gives you no space to "sort out your head". Of course, there never will be a chance, but he might at least then have the decency to do what he originally promised and move out.

My thoughts too. The latest tactic (although in fairness I suspect partly sincerely meant?). The thing is, though, this really isn't your problem any more, is it? Whatever he feels about what has happened, you are separated, you are divorcing, the ship has sailed and he wasn't on it.

you dont know what you've got till its gone... so the saying goes.

I guess you're right about it being a new tactic.
I have no doubt that this is all hurting him too, but he probably thinks he will get to me with the tears.
I told him that I have given him enough chances over the years & nothing changes for long. He couldn't even keep up the nice guy act throughout this 7 months that we have been forced to live in the same house while separated. Infact I don't know that he even made 2 weeks!
He said "I know, I'm sorry & I want to be your best friend when all this is done!"
Somehow I can't quite see that being the case!

He even said "The reason it's so hard for your parents to understand, is because they have treated you similar!"

Not a new tactic typical torture. If he kept up the same old stuff you wouldnt take it so switching tactics means it gives you a rest from one and gets you guessing whats going on. Ignore it he will go away this year I promise.

Glad to hear you are ok though and wil email you soon.

Hi GF, how are you?
I am ok. Things are moving on quite fast now & I do have my moments atm, but work has been a good distraction.
Hope all is ok with you.

messyoldmess, be strong. As GF says he will be gone soon and you will get a life back {{}}

HI Messy I am well,happy and sorting out my life on my terms which sometimes feels a bit scarey but usually feels absolutely brilliant. there is nothing to describe the happiness of having put someone abusive and controlling behind you honestly and whilst I sometimes pine for family things and someone close to share a few things with it is transient and I would not wish to go back ever.

As Proust says " We do not recieve wisdom. We must discover it ourselves after experiences which no-one else can have for us and from which no-one else can spare us."

Wisdom and peace may be hard won messy but honestly they do come.

messy, how are you?

Hi winnie & GF.
Not doing great I'm afraid. Started a thread in the lone parents section last night.
Not at work today. It is the first day I've actually felt unfit to function as I should at work. I am so so tired too.
Picked up some house details & have arranged some more viewings, so trying to keep on top of the practical side of things. It's just the emotional side which is shot to pieces atm!

i am sorry you are feling so rotten MOM. I will read your new thread.