Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Been stupid again

318 replies

messyoldmess · 27/12/2006 23:24

As some of you will know, my H & I decided to separate back in June, but he refused to leave the house, so we have been stuck in limbo for quite a while now.
A few weeks ago I went out with some friends & a bloke came up & chatted to me. He asked if I was single & I explained my situation to him. He told me he separated from his wife back in March & asked if I wanted to meet up for a drink some time.
I told him that I couldn't atm because of circumstances, but that I would consider it at some point & I went & gave him my mobile number, as he seemed a nice chap & I thought that one day I may take him up on his offer of a drink.
I know this was stupid, but he seemed to be a nice bloke & I thought it would be harmless (although NOT yet!)
Well, just before Christmas he went & text me wishing me a merry Christmas & giving me his text number. I didn't reply to that text, but today he text me again asking if I got his text & I replied & told him I had and that I may be happy to meet him for a drink in time, but not until things were sorted here.
He text back saying he looked forward to it, but knew it was difficult for me.

Anyway, I went for a bath & left my phone on the side. H then said to me "You don't want to leave your phone around because you never know what people may read."
I immediately knew what he had seen & went down to my phone to see it left on the message from this bloke.
I told him nothing had gone on, but that he was a nice chap who I would have a drink with when the time was right, but there has been no physical contact (which there hasn't) at all, just a conversation.
He has asked when this happened & if my sister knew about it.
I just feel sick with everything & know I was bad. It was just nice to meet a man who seemed nice & didn't just want to take me home & get his way with me.
I know I am bad & fully understand how wrong I am. I am just feeling a bit crap & needed to get it off my chest on MN.

OP posts:
NurseyJo · 31/12/2006 12:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
messyoldmess · 31/12/2006 13:15

Oh no, there were no naughty thoughts at all! He was just a nice chap to talk to. Can't even really remember what he looked like tbh!

Sorry to hear you are in a similar situation, AGYG.

OP posts:
Original poster
messyoldmess · 31/12/2006 13:16

NurseryJo - thanks for the offer of an ear.

OP posts:
Anniegetyourgun · 31/12/2006 13:39

Well, if you didn't even have anything in your heart of hearts to be theoretically ashamed of, what on earth are you agonising about? It's no worse than agreeing to a cup of coffee with a woman you met in a shop. Please be kind to yourself!

And work on "whatever...". I still annoy myself by allowing him to needle me into telling him stuff, just to prove I'm not up to anything. I'm never up to anything, and it's none of his business if I were; but as he lives in his own version of reality (or pretends to to p* me off, I'm never quite sure), it's a waste of breath trying to prove anything to him.

Original poster
messyoldmess · 31/12/2006 14:28

I didn't do anything bad, but think H thinks I did, or that I'm going to see this bloke. I really can't be bothered to keep telling him I'm not!
Think I may go & lay down now, while DS2 has a sleep.
Hope things improve for you in the NY, AGYG.

OP posts:
fortyplus · 31/12/2006 18:01

It's none of his business! If you're splitting up anyway then he has no right to dictate who you talk to.

glitterfairyrenewed · 31/12/2006 18:18

They have split up! They live seperate lives in the same house in the manner of a house share. Messy old you need to think it is over this person is no longer my H and he needs to move out and get on with his life away from you.

Happy New Year and have a great time and see this as the start fo your time.

Original poster
messyoldmess · 31/12/2006 22:16

Happy new year to you too, glitterfairy - I hope it's a good one.x

OP posts:
Original poster
messyoldmess · 31/12/2006 23:12

Am upset. Hate H sometimes & can't wait to be away from him.

OP posts:
Original poster
messyoldmess · 31/12/2006 23:24

He has kept on about this bloody text & keeps on about his wonderful friends. Have snapped & told him how one of the friends he will drop anything to meet up with, asked me to go back with him!
Know I shouldn't have, but have reached boiling point!

OP posts:
NurseyJo · 31/12/2006 23:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

NurseyJo · 31/12/2006 23:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
messyoldmess · 31/12/2006 23:30

Was a while back & was v shocked with this friend of his, but kept it to myself as I knew it would get to him. He has just pushed me an inch too far with all this though!

OP posts:
Original poster
messyoldmess · 31/12/2006 23:32

I am just raging with it all! I shouldn't have said anything, but he kept on & on.

OP posts:
Original poster
messyoldmess · 01/01/2007 00:05

Didn't tell him which friend, just that his friends weren't so perfect!
He is being a total git tonight & has told me women are nasty.
Not a happy new year here!

OP posts:
NurseyJo · 01/01/2007 00:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
messyoldmess · 01/01/2007 00:23

He is just so nasty sometimes & I kind of flipped! He told me I looked pathetic etc.
Am now downstairs right away from him, but feeling upset.

OP posts:
Original poster
messyoldmess · 01/01/2007 00:25

Sometimes I actually feel like I hate him.

OP posts:
QuootiepieTheHogmanayAss · 01/01/2007 00:29

ah, you're here now. Darling... please, you can do miles better than him. And in the meantime, if things get tough, we are all here.

Original poster
messyoldmess · 01/01/2007 00:32

Thanks.
I am sitting here listening to all the fireworks, feeling so crap.

OP posts:
NurseyJo · 01/01/2007 00:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
messyoldmess · 01/01/2007 00:40

I don't know - he seems to be almost getting worse in ways. Am in tears again & he shouldn't still be getting to me like this.

OP posts:
Original poster
messyoldmess · 01/01/2007 00:43

I know & I am so grateful to everyone of you who has offered me so much support throughout all this.
Have sent texts to all my (female!) friends to wish them a happy new year.

OP posts:
QuootiepieTheHogmanayAss · 01/01/2007 00:48

sending you big {{hugs}}

NewMoonOnMonday · 01/01/2007 01:47

Messy - I haven't followed your threads but I think I remember chatting to you ages ago about your circumstances at home. I've just changed my chatname here (it's part of my 'New Year New Me' plan [pathetic emoticon])

I'm in very similar circumstances to you. Living with my ex-P after being seperated for 6 months. I had exactly the same thing with the mobile phone months ago and it was bloody awful. I felt so guilty that I was moving on and thinking about the future and it was as if I'd rubbed his nose in it on purpose. It wasn't as innocent as your situation - I really did think about this bloke all the time - but, like you, I wasn't prepared to meet up for a drink until I was living apart form P. It all really got to me at the time but I've stopped caring so much now. I still keep in touch with this man on MSN and by occasional text message. I don't hide my phone anymore because it's none of P's business. Like you said earlier - you wouldn't dream of going down his phone and neither would I because I don't care if he's contacting women. Actually I'd be glad because it might encourage him to move out sooner.

Sorry I can't help with the legal stuff. I'm not married and we rent our home from a Housing Assosiation and the tenancy is is my name only. So I have a legal right to tell him to get out if he pushes me too far. On the other hand though I still feel that I am morally obliged to let him stay until he is financially stable and has somewhere appropriate to move on to.

Sorry, this has become a a big moan about my life. What I wanted to say was, don't feel bad about the text messages. They are extremely innocent on both parts and absolutely none of his business.

Really hope that things start to move quickly for you now. Good luck for 2007. Hopefully we'll both be posting this time next year saying how much our lives have changed and about how happy we are.