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Original poster

Dear mum of young kids who doesn't want to have sex

225 replies

Justlurkingaround · 05/02/2016 14:13

This was mn blog of the day on Weds this week. I liked it so much I thought I'd post a link here. Hope the link works.

handfulofhalfpennys.co.uk/life/dear-mum-of-young-kids-who-doesnt-want-to-have-sex/

OP posts:
Offred · 05/02/2016 16:30

If he's continually touching her in a way she doesn't like then yes he is pawing at her.

Offred · 05/02/2016 16:32

I don't know who you are to say her husband isn't pawing at her anyway...

Are women meant to just calmly accept any touching their partners do to them no matter how they feel?

Ilovetorrentialrain · 05/02/2016 16:33

expatinscotland exactly!

WorraLiberty · 05/02/2016 16:34

I haven't mentioned accepting anything.

I just think describing being touched by her husband as being 'pawed' is a horrible thing to say.

skankingpiglet · 05/02/2016 16:34

It's not that she's not entitled to feel it is 'pawing', it's that how can you be in love with someone when that's how you view their touch?

TolpuddleFarter · 05/02/2016 16:34

I absolutely adore my DH, and still fancy him. But I do agree with the blog. After a day of tending to my children's needs, emotionally and physically, having sex is the last thing on my mind. From talking to friends a lot of us feel similar. Not reflected on this thread though you sex maniacs

As I see it, it's a temporary blip (hopefully) and if we're in it for the long haul this shouldn't matter too much.

Interesting how people are posting about prioritising relationship with DH. My DM and DF prioritised their relationship over us children and as an adult I resent that, so I probably have gone the other way to some extent.

LaContessaDiPlump · 05/02/2016 16:34

I must admit, I've felt like she describes from time to time. Just get the fuck OFF me, you are one more living creature that WANTS something from me, FUCK OFF.

Quite surprised how many people here haven't tbh!

slipperyeel · 05/02/2016 16:34

Plantsitter, I thought exactly the same.

TeaT1me · 05/02/2016 16:36

Me too la contessa. I thought it was quite normal after extended time solely looking after bf kids who just want to be on you or touch you or play with you...

Offred · 05/02/2016 16:38

Yeah, it's not great to feel pawed at but why call the woman awful for it?

katienana · 05/02/2016 16:38

I can relate to that feeling of being touched out, like I'd rather sleep, like I would be doing it to keep dh happy.
But I've never regretted saying yes to him. Once we get going it's always fun. And it's definitely worth pointing out that coming home early, sorting dinner and putting kids to bed increases the chances of a shag 100 %.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 05/02/2016 16:40

She's got a baby that's young enough to be waking up through the night I think she's quite allowed to feel knackered

katienana · 05/02/2016 16:40

I will say that he went without for ages as had placenta praevia with ds followed by protracted recovery from his birth.

IrianofWay · 05/02/2016 16:40

"I must admit, I've felt like she describes from time to time. Just get the fuck OFF me, you are one more living creature that WANTS something from me, FUCK OFF.

Quite surprised how many people here haven't tbh!"

Quite.

It's only an issue if it goes on for a long time. I remember feeing 'touched out' at the end of the day. If the cat so much as jumped on my lap I'd want to scream. But it passes. Give and take and a bit of understanding on both sides is essential.

WorraLiberty · 05/02/2016 16:41

Yeah, it's not great to feel pawed at but why call the woman awful for it?

Are you trying desperately to misunderstand what I'm saying?

It's not nice to describe her husbands touch in that way.

And particularly not in a blog for the whole world to see.

Lancelottie · 05/02/2016 16:44

What's wrong with 'pawed at'?

I think it very accurately describes the sad-eyed 'pay me attention' sort of touch. Like Irian, I had days when the damn cat nearly went flying across the room if she prodded at me when I'd had it for that day, let alone DH.

However, give me a day off and an empty hotel room with no little voices, and... vrrooom!

[With DH. Not the cat.]

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 05/02/2016 16:44

Agree Worra.

Putting it out there in public is awful. Poor guy.

perfumedlife · 05/02/2016 16:45

I totally get her! I was repulsed by the very idea of sex when breast feeding non stop, having a little one attached to me almost constantly. I figured it was nature's way of giving me time to nurture this demanding small life and prevent another pregnancy Smile I fully expected DH to understand that and give me space, which he happily did. After all, I was coping with the full on demands of his offspring. Marriage is going strong, very happily almost two decades later. So no, I don't think she is bang out of order at all.

Obs2016 · 05/02/2016 16:46

I'm surprised at the posts too and that more posters haven't felt like she does. Ok maybe pawed wasn't the best word, but .....

specialsubject · 05/02/2016 16:46

a sad description of a dead relationship. Pity they didn't work it out before having four kids.

neither is in the wrong. There's just nothing left.

KitKat1985 · 05/02/2016 16:47

I think reading the article this woman has more issues in her relationship than just being too tired for sex. I sometimes feel too tired for sex, (as does DH!), but I would never say that my DH giving me a kiss or a cuddle makes my "skin crawl". And whilst I would never say that I owe it to my husband to have sex, I don't think it's unreasonable that my DH still wants us to have sex in our relationship. And more perhaps more to the point, I still want us to have sex in our relationship. Her marriage sounds a bit dead to me.

plantsitter · 05/02/2016 16:49

'A dead relationship'? What a load of rubbish. Relationships go through all sorts of ups and downs - and it's not all about sex is it? It's not all about the fact that a man's erection must always be bowed down to or your relationship's dead?

Canyoudomegreaterharm · 05/02/2016 16:51

I couldn't relate to the blog as I was on the other side of it with our second DC. I breastfed for 14 months with our second and my DH doesn't want sex if I am heavily pregnant or feeding.

With the first she weaned off BF at 6/7 months and started sleeping better so the sex life resumed. But in combination of late pregnancy and feeding with the second we went for nearly 18 months without sex and also intimacy and I nearly left him. (DH not the DC!)

It wasn't a marriage it was like having a live in part time child carer. It showed me how much sex/intimacy matters for a relationship.

Thankfully once I stopped feeding, and we got long term contraceptive sorted our sex life is better than ever. But if it hadn't picked up almost immediately from stopping feeding then I would have seriously looked into counselling and then leaving the relationship as it was just not how I wanted to live life.

I don't think wanting or enjoying sex with DH makes me a sex maniac Hmm I know it was a flippant comment but I hate the perception it's men pestering for sex and women are resistant!

Thurlow · 05/02/2016 16:52

Of course parents end up knackered and sleep deprived. Of course they want time to themselves sometimes. Of course they get touched out when they've been looking after kids all the time.

I don't think anyone is saying that being a parent to small children doesn't change your life and can have a huge effect on your libido and your relationship.

But surely, even if you're knackered and tired and just need a bit of space and peace a quiet - if you love your partner, you will still have moments of missing the intimacy and wanting to be with or near them?

3WiseWomen · 05/02/2016 16:53

I have been there tbh. I also follow the 'general advice' that I 'just' needed to get on with it, that if I was pushing myself, I would it enjoyable again etc etc.
Yep the result was that I learnt to hate being touched.

The dcs are teenagers now. And it is causing problem for me because I rare;ly feel I can be spontaneous anymore (even though my relationship with DH is great, we are still in love with each other etc etc).

But I did have PND. I did feel that I had enough 'touching' with 2 dcs under 2. I was knackered from the no sleep but most importantly from spending a lot of energy doing something I didn't enjoy, ie being a SAHM.
Imo, yes it is indicative of a problem but NOT ALWAYS a relationship problem.

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