Finally got the answer about lack of sex and sobbing

[PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange]

I will first say our sex life isn't normal it mostly bondage and submission.

We have been together 11 years and married 5.

Finally after a lot of text exchange I have my answer. He is no longer into being a dominant.

I can't see how our relationship is going to work as from the start this has been the foundation.

The issue now is that he has hurt her deeply emotionally. She doesn't seem to have the skills to cope with that.

Thank you all so much for taking the time to respond.

Talk went well last night. I don't think Dh realised how much he has hurt me.

Decided to take things slowly and rediscover a new relationship. I will not let my marriage or relationship fail and neither does Dh.

First thing though is to get the trust back into our relationship. That is going to take time.

I'm so glad to read that Piper: well done to both of you.

I think you need to do some therapy to try to understand your need to be a sub. Otherwise, as Offred says, you may not really be in a position of control -- 'Being groomed might be very exciting for a true sub. Being abusive might also be exciting for a Dom.'

You have caught a glimpse of something beyond the outer layer of consent and control in your relationship and I advise you not to be so quick to shut the door that swung open a crack and pretend you have not seen what's behind it.

I'm really pleased you've talked. Hopefully this is the start of a different but equally fulfilling future together. I hope you can make things work.

Good luck, Piper. I have also been wondering if the explanation for his behaviour might simply be that he is taking an interest in someone else and that's why he's withdrawing from you, but this may not be the case.

I'm dominant myself, and have mostly just done it on a fun/casual basis (which can be done and is perfectly reasonable, healthy and enjoyable, just like casual sex of any kind). But I don't think it's either healthy or sustainable to be an absolute submissive in role 24/7, either. It's even more unhealthy if you started doing so at a young age (say under 25) and have never had any other kind of relationship.

I'm so glad to hear you are talking together now. I hope things work out for you Piper.

Talks are going well and we are planning talk a lot more.

I'm starting to see DH PoV. That our sex life has been always 1 sided and sex the majority of the time wasn't love making but just sex.

So glad to hear you're both talking about it.

glad to hear you are finding your own way through- a chink of light on the horizon. good luck!