Someone called the police for DV

[DragonsCanHop]

"D"H exploded last night in front of the children over something really stupid (DDs) phone going off when we were sleeping.

He slammed doors and shouted at the children making them all scream and cry, I jumped up to defend them, told him he can't slam doors and talk to them like that. I got in between him and the bedroom door frame and he pulled me out of the way.

He was up in my face sneering at me, he called me all sorts of names and threatened to push me down the stairs, he was yelling at the top of his voice and I was telling him he had to go down stairs at least so I could settle the DC.

Eventually he did but only after yet more name calling with a look of disgust on his face.

I settled the youngest easily (told her it was a bad dream) and eldest came in with me and it all calmed down.

Next thing I know there are 2 policeman at the door, someone had heard him and called 999.

They wanted to arrest him but as it's not happened before and I'm still not sure why he did it I told them he didn't hurt me and I didn't tell them about him threatening me. They said they would log it as a disturbance after completing a DV log sheet.

He messaged our daughter this morning after leaving for work and asked if she called the police. We didn't reply.

I messaged him and told him to find somewhere to stay, we need time apart he replied no and then asked if I was throwing him out over a stupid call on our DDS phone.

I haven't replied and I've left my mobile at home, he keeps calling my work phone.

Please tell me I'm not making too much of this, I feel like I can't make a choice of what to do from now but I know he can't be happy and I've not been happy for a while either but never expected anything like this, he hates me.

The other place keeps stuff only for 90 days though and following the issues last summer, everything had been deleted anyway.

Yes sorry it's 30 days not 90

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1799280-Why-do-they-do-it-And-why-do-women-get-involved-when-they-know-there-are-children-going-to-be-hurt

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1522071-I-asked-him-out-right-about-his-affairs-tonight-and-stood-up-for-myself-in-his-reply?msgid=33092228

Not sure if this will work

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1806985-Wow-I-have-found-the-answer-Its-taken-all-thiis-time-but-thankfully-I-kept-a-record-from-last-year

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1530332-Some-hand-holding-and-practical-advice-needed-Ive-decided-to-leave

Also had names under ChristmasKate, Bohica and BlueLightsAndSirens.

Any help will be so much appreciated. I will obviously name change after getting this all printed.

I can't believe I started feeling sorry for him and I let him talk to DD3 this afternoon, he text and begged me not to do this to our family.

Not sure you want this one, if not, do ask to be deleted.

Wrt to TOP tech may be able to retrieve an old thread in very extreme circa I guess so if you have the rough dates MNHQ might be able to help?

Nothing in Relationships under ChristmasKate or BlueLightsAndSirens

This one under Bohica:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1336295-What-should-I-do

I want anything that I can print and use to re write what he has taught me to believe, I'm not crazy, you are not a bunch of haggled and bitter ex wives who want nothing more than to read a drama on a lonely night at home.

I am so glad I've applied that injunction paperwork and thank you all so much. I'm such a mess right now but this is all helping.

Oh, I went into the loft today and I'm chucking out all of his old shit but finding all the girls things from when they were tiny babies which is bitter sweet in some ways but a lovely reminder that they are my girls and we will now be better because mummy has finally found her back bone and her STOP button.

I don't know what I'm feeling and I'm running off fear and adrenaline right now.

I think what you're doing is wise. Do, though, take care of yourself emotionally when you go back over your old threads. There will be lots of ice-in-the-stomach moments and, increasingly, pain as you learn to see through what he's been doing to you. Keep yourself safe and comfortable, and don't do it all at once. Having clued-up friends will be a big help here, as will groups such as the Freedom Programme - and, of course, MN :)

Lovely stories today about your dog and the baby stuff in the loft. Parts of the 'best and real' you are returning thick and fast!

I'm very lucky to have a switch on long term friend, honestly she should become a private investigator, she is amazing.

I'm not reading anything tonight, I'm going through the boxes from the loft and enjoying looking back on my girls.

I fucking hate him and I can't believe how gullible I was.

I will deal with all that soon.

Tomorrow I need to be honest with my manager over my sck cert that I pick up in the morning and just hope he doesn't join in the boys club, my cert will say anxiety on it.

I'm so glad he hasn't messaged me today after speaking to DD3, I need to keep my cool to keep him unaware. I've asked MNHQ for a password reminder so I can change my password because he used to read my threads back in 2012.

Reach out for all support around you and do whatever you have to do. One liberating thing is that you now solely in charge of deciding what works for you. Good friends and supporters will know when you need to do lean on one support or pursue one avenue before changing to another. It's a confusing time so treat yourself kindly, be a little selfish about your needs. You don't need to go into detail about the sickness cert. I'm guessing you rarely have time off so they won't probe too far - a good manager will know where to ask and where to let you be.
One thing's for certain, the rest of your life belongs to you and the DDs without being controlled and it will probably have a lovely dog in it too

Oh honey-child, you have been through hell. I'm so, so sorry. But also so glad that you have found the sunlight.

Maybe print your threads, order them alphabetically and put them in a file to read in a few days or weeks? I know you want to remember why you're divorcing this piece of shit, but don't rub your nose in it.

If you find them to be strengthening OK, but if you feel yourself starting to kick yourself or down yourself, please put them down.

I've had a brief look at your old threads OP and what an awful time you've had. Years of uncertainty and mental torture. I have experience of being lied to and it makes you feel insane. No love is worth that. I would only read those threads back if absolutely necessary. I'm just worried they'll upset you unduly.

You sound so different now. You are now in a place to make the long term changes you need for your peace of mind and oh how precious that is! What a weight to be lifted from your shoulders.

Inspirational!

Remember YOU aren't doing anything to the family. You are reacting sensibly to what HE did.

What you are doing for your girls and you, your family, is saving you all from further heartache.

Dragon

Just to say, use that anger as rocket boost to propel you and your girls in to a better future.

My bank card arrived yesterday so I will have my own money in my own account at the end of the month.

WTC emailed saying they are sending forms but it might take two weeks and I need to find my P60

My doctor printed my medical records for me and gave me. Sick cert for a couple of weeks, the dates on the records match the dates of my old threads linked here, I'm still missing some threads though and MNHQ Haven't come back to me about my password so he may be reading this. I've changed my FB etc so only this one left to go.

DD3 made him a "don't ever forget me card" and cried lots yesterday, she asked if she could speak to him last night so she did on speaker phone, he was out in his car, he asked t speak to the older two and they refused, I didn't speak to him either.

He messaged last night to collect more stuff. He is coming at 11am. I've messaged it's all in my boot (including the card DD made and his post) I've told him I'm not ready to see him.

I've locked the house up and I'm upstairs with the radio on.

You get more awesome by the day, Dragons. Given that every day must be emotionally exhausting atm. Fear is tiring too. You're doing brilliantly and one day this really will be over; you'll have your life entirely back in your control. You will be happy then, and proud too, I hope

If he's getting advice, Dragons - and I'm sure he is - it will be to comply with your contact terms & not be an arse. You've been very reasonable by putting his stuff ready, including the post and 'emotional' things.

Only half an hour to go, and then the peculiar feeling of having been all hyped up and nothing much happened

Massive congrats on your progress toward financial independence! That is fab - as are you.

I'm terrified again, it seems to settle and then he wants to speak, see me, see the girls and it all starts again.

I had a lovely chat with DD1 last night who finally sobbed her eyes out and DD2 is just pretending it hasn't happeded, still going out, still asking for sleep overs and friends over etc.

Thank you for replying tipsy I thought that no one had posted again after my old threads were added because Itis been going on since 2011 and I've had all the advice before but I now know he has mentally broken me down.

I'm clearing out my wardrobe whilst I wait for him to collect the last, yet again of his stuff from the boot of my car.

I've already taken a Diazipam this morning I wonder if I can just take another one now just this time?

I meant to say - I see what you're doing with your old threads now. This is very, very wise and I wish I'd thought of it! You're able to identify times where your abusive home life caused real, measurable problems in your health & performance. It's not only reassuring for you ("it really happened to me") but, too, will demonstrate ongoing patterns of abuse should you need to push this legally.

You have a proper professor inside that head of yours Well done.

garlicbake nothing much can happen can it, the neighbours are in and they now know what's going on.

NDN knocked yesterday to see if I was ok, his car isn't here and she saw the police car so I told her and then when I got back from the school run their was an inter flora card theough the door with flowers left at NDNs so I collected them, they are from a friend and I told NDN he is coming at 11, stuff in my boot, we share a double drive and he isn't to try and get through into the back garden or knock on the front door.

Can you wait half an hour? once he has gone, you will calm down.