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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Someone called the police for DV

889 replies

DragonsCanHop · 04/02/2016 11:09

"D"H exploded last night in front of the children over something really stupid (DDs) phone going off when we were sleeping.

He slammed doors and shouted at the children making them all scream and cry, I jumped up to defend them, told him he can't slam doors and talk to them like that. I got in between him and the bedroom door frame and he pulled me out of the way.

He was up in my face sneering at me, he called me all sorts of names and threatened to push me down the stairs, he was yelling at the top of his voice and I was telling him he had to go down stairs at least so I could settle the DC.

Eventually he did but only after yet more name calling with a look of disgust on his face.

I settled the youngest easily (told her it was a bad dream) and eldest came in with me and it all calmed down.

Next thing I know there are 2 policeman at the door, someone had heard him and called 999.

They wanted to arrest him but as it's not happened before and I'm still not sure why he did it I told them he didn't hurt me and I didn't tell them about him threatening me. They said they would log it as a disturbance after completing a DV log sheet.

He messaged our daughter this morning after leaving for work and asked if she called the police. We didn't reply.

I messaged him and told him to find somewhere to stay, we need time apart he replied no and then asked if I was throwing him out over a stupid call on our DDS phone.

I haven't replied and I've left my mobile at home, he keeps calling my work phone.

Please tell me I'm not making too much of this, I feel like I can't make a choice of what to do from now but I know he can't be happy and I've not been happy for a while either but never expected anything like this, he hates me.

OP posts:

Report

Joysmum · 25/02/2016 11:26

Had issues with my DD at school back in her infant school days when she was good as gold at home. School was more overwhelming and challenging for her. Home she had 1 to 1 and I could see her getting worked up and nip it in the bud immediately. Unfortunately school didn't have those luxuries so we worked with them to share strategies and help DD through it all. Everything came good in the end but I did feel somewhat powerless and protective over her at the time as she was clearly struggling.

AcrossthePond55 · 25/02/2016 13:33

Well, nothing ventured, nothing gained. Maybe the solicitor is wrong.

Did you get a 2nd opinion on the boiler?

DragonsCanHop · 25/02/2016 13:42

I need a boiler for heat and hot water. The floor heaters were the cause of the fuse tripping so we are down to just one.

I had 3 quotes and have decided to go with British gas, it means a saving in the protection plan I'm already planning, full flush of all radiators and new boiler plus an upgrade of my existing plan that covers pipes, drains, electric etc. I called my grandad and we discussed all the options and we agreed on this one.

I just need to pay the deposit tomorrow and then go from there.

DD and I have had a good day together and she has agreed to go to school tomorrow and then we will just go from there one day at a time I guess.

Nothing from him again during the day - no surprise there!

OP posts:

ConkersDontScareSpiders · 25/02/2016 16:19

Well at least you have a plan in place for the boiler.hate thinking about you being cold on top of everything else.
That sounds positive re dd too dragons

Joysmum · 25/02/2016 16:28

I only ask because I won't go to BG for any of my houses as they've tried to get me to replace what could be repaired and tried to upsell what they want to sell.

I just go with a trusted local for all the houses now as he'll tell me what is actually needed.

mathanxiety · 26/02/2016 05:45

Can you ask the school to go easy on DD2 for a while? Explain home circumstances to them.

DragonsCanHop · 27/02/2016 00:04

I can't post on this thread again, he knows.

I've changed my passwords but he still knows.

I've been on the phone with the bank for 30 minutes and still need to go into the branch tomorrow.

I just wanted to say thank you for all your help and support, it has meant the world to me and helped me stay strong enough

I am strong enough now and will continue.

Mr dragons fine, I accept what you said tonight on the phone but, I don't need you or your help. My/our DC Come first and always will.

Do what you want, we will overcome it all.

OP posts:

IamtheZombie · 27/02/2016 00:13

Dragons, Zombie doesn't know quite what to say. She has followed this thread from the beginning. She doesn't recall you posting anything that could identify arsewipe, you, or your DCs.

Don't let arsewipe take away any source of support for you.

Keep posting.

PreemptiveSalvageEngineer · 27/02/2016 00:19

MrDragon

You're an asshole.

That is all.

Yours sincerely
PSE

DragonsCanHop · 27/02/2016 00:22

I can't

I don't understand how but he can still log on to everything including my personal banking and here.

Only thing that makes me smile is he must now know about star and her shitting on the new carpet --and tonight she is curled up on the sofa with me where we will spend the night together.

He has said I'm entitled to nothing, he payed a bill for us to still be claiming child benefit

OP posts:

Friendlystories · 27/02/2016 00:24

Dragons report your thread and ask for it to be moved to the other place or change your NN and start a new one but don't let him take away a source of support if you're still finding it useful. PSE's opinion of Mr Dragons is unanimous btw.

mathanxiety · 27/02/2016 00:24

Check for keyloggers.

You are dealing with a walking, talking piece of shit.

Friendlystories · 27/02/2016 00:26

Could he have installed spyware/keylogger on whatever you use to go online Dragons?

Lweji · 27/02/2016 00:40

He's talking out of his arse.

Do check your online security and stop all contact. He doesn't deserve your time or attention at all, other than to get rid of him.

Friendlystories · 27/02/2016 00:45

Know there is anti spyware programmes you can run to combat anything he may have downloaded, ask google which ones are best for the device and software you use.

AcrossthePond55 · 27/02/2016 00:50

Fuck you with the biggest shittiest fuck stick there is, you pitiful micro-dicked excuse for a man. Why can't you act like a real man and let this woman go. You disgust me.

Dragons, tell your solicitor ASAP. And if your local police has a tech crimes unit call them. In some jurisdictions key loggers and such are illegal on a non-shared computer. And accessing your banking without your permission is illegal.

firsttimemummy12345 · 27/02/2016 01:19

I've been a long lurker on your thread since the start but haven't had nothing to say except what everyone else has said. I've been in a horrible manipulative relationship before I found current DP and all I can say about it is I wish I have as much courage as you have with leaving him and getting the police involved. I will take my hat off to you.

and for Mr dragon you lowlife, manipulative, selfish, lying so-n-so. how is this not your fault. you was the one who threatened dragon not the other way round. you was the one who kept shouting making dragon and your dc feel like walking on egg shells. I think dragon is so much more of a bigger person than you for still allowing the dc choose to still talk to you, she hasn't manipulated them like you tried to with the youngest....

Oh and get a life instead of stalking and logging into every one of dragons accounts. You're just showing how much of an arsehole you really are.

....and breath firstimemummy....

DanceTheBlues · 27/02/2016 01:31

Dragons, I've read the whole thread from the start but not commented yet. It doesn't matter a jot that he's read it, nothing stops the advice that you've been given from being right and nothing stops us all from wishing you the absolute best KOKO

Joysmum · 27/02/2016 02:16

Best of luck OP.

Change your passwords and access your accounts from friends devices wouldn't suppose me if the devious cunt has spyware/key-loggers installed.

Mr Dragon you're the worst piece of shit and you're a liability to your children. To do this to your wife is one this to fuck up your kids....I hope you find it in your conscience to fuck the fuck off for their sakes

ateacupofgin · 27/02/2016 06:02

Dragon you are amazing. Your story echoes my own DM's and like her you're handling this with resilience and fortitude. You are the rock for your girls, you always have been and you will get through this. I am sure the (likely) key logging is the final straw for you and you must feel violated. Please please go to the other place where there is always support, you've come so far and don't turn off this lifeline.

And as for you MrDragon... Well you have brought this all on yourself. You are a selfish despicable man who deserves nothing, I repeat nothing, from the family who loved and suffered you. You have failed in the fundamental duties of spouse and parent: where you should have loved and protected and provided for you abused, caused fear and broke hearts. Repeatedly.

I was one of your DDs some years ago, I was bullied to maintain contact etc for a few years. My mum never ever spoke badly of him but I knew how she really felt. And I never forgot our treatment, and my father could not keep the facade for ever.... I cut contact and remained NC for 25 years. And when he died I shed only tears of relief that he would never harm us again. I am sure he liked to say it was all my mother's doing but truly he brought this on himself. And that is you. You did this to yourself and you have broken your relationship with your girls probably forever. But that's ok because they have dragon, who is more the parent than you will ever be. Now do fuck of to the far side of fuck and leave them be.

Dragon I hope you and Roxy are resting, you are an awesome woman who did not deserve this but you are coping so well. Please do call the police to let them know as key logging is illegal and is an example of how his behaviour has escalated.

Fairenuff · 27/02/2016 09:04

This just highlights that he is too self obsessed to realise that doing things like this just confirms that leaving him was the best decision by far.

The more he behaves like this, the stronger your resolve will become. He is showing himself in a very poor light and can't even see it.

FantasticButtocks · 27/02/2016 09:27

I wonder if he has learnt anything from reading this thread. Wonder if anything anyone has said about his behaviour has sunk in.

By invading your privacy online, he has given you even more reason to be glad you're no longer with him.

Joysmum · 27/02/2016 09:35

I wonder if he has learnt anything from reading this thread

My bet is that he's learnt to reinforce the fact in his own mind he's the victim. What a pathetic excuse for a man.

MissBeaHaving · 27/02/2016 09:41

I was wondering the same Fantasticbuttocks,I doubt it though as men like Ops partner very rarely accept responsibility for their actions.

You can sort out your computer Op,take it to a tech shop & get them to look at it & keep any evidence of tampering for your solicitor as it will strengthen your case.

Can you log into everything from someone a friends computer ?
I'm not very tech minded so I'm not sure if that would get around Key logging?
Change your name & come back when you are sorted,we will find you lovely.

MissBeaHaving · 27/02/2016 09:42

It might also be worth mentioning it to women's Aid,I'm sure they would know what to do.

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