Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Someone called the police for DV

889 replies

DragonsCanHop · 04/02/2016 11:09

"D"H exploded last night in front of the children over something really stupid (DDs) phone going off when we were sleeping.

He slammed doors and shouted at the children making them all scream and cry, I jumped up to defend them, told him he can't slam doors and talk to them like that. I got in between him and the bedroom door frame and he pulled me out of the way.

He was up in my face sneering at me, he called me all sorts of names and threatened to push me down the stairs, he was yelling at the top of his voice and I was telling him he had to go down stairs at least so I could settle the DC.

Eventually he did but only after yet more name calling with a look of disgust on his face.

I settled the youngest easily (told her it was a bad dream) and eldest came in with me and it all calmed down.

Next thing I know there are 2 policeman at the door, someone had heard him and called 999.

They wanted to arrest him but as it's not happened before and I'm still not sure why he did it I told them he didn't hurt me and I didn't tell them about him threatening me. They said they would log it as a disturbance after completing a DV log sheet.

He messaged our daughter this morning after leaving for work and asked if she called the police. We didn't reply.

I messaged him and told him to find somewhere to stay, we need time apart he replied no and then asked if I was throwing him out over a stupid call on our DDS phone.

I haven't replied and I've left my mobile at home, he keeps calling my work phone.

Please tell me I'm not making too much of this, I feel like I can't make a choice of what to do from now but I know he can't be happy and I've not been happy for a while either but never expected anything like this, he hates me.

OP posts:
GarlicBake · 12/02/2016 10:39

No, you can hang on for half an hour! Have a shower and do some breathing.
A diazepam hangover would be a shame.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 12/02/2016 10:40

Oh no, please don't think ppl are judging by the old threads

sincerely the threads are very useful for you, to collect thoughts and strengthen your resolve

and make no mistake- this is the hardest fucking thing EVER- I mean divorce is a shocker as is, and add in this intense emotional trauma

just don't underestimate the toll this will take on you emotionally and physically

no harm in taking the pills when you need them, I am no doctor but you are clearly not abusing them and today is esp hard

its so hard OP, as on top of your intense trauma you have this villain entitled to a relationship with your beloved DC. what a fucking twister

GarlicBake · 12/02/2016 10:40

I can't tell you how good it is to hear you're so well surrounded by understanding & support.

PacificDogwod · 12/02/2016 10:49

Good god, Dragons, do NOT think anybody is judging you by your old thread, nobody is!

You are going from strength to strength, it will be a roller coaster at times and anxiety will rear its ugly head and you will doubt yourself, but you will also clear you head and with time you will feel nothing but relief and pride in what you have achieved for you and your girls Thanks

ConkersDontScareSpiders · 12/02/2016 10:51

Nothing can happen.keep your phone by you so you can call for help if you need it, just for reassurance.I didn't post again as didn't want you feel I was being nosy-but have been thinking of you.

ConkersDontScareSpiders · 12/02/2016 10:54

I'm sure your lovely ndn will be subtlety keeping an eye out when he comes too...

DragonsCanHop · 12/02/2016 10:56

Not nosey at all, I know it's just the Internet and I do now have friends coming my way and helping but this here is my place and it's important to me because I trust you all.

and I know you can't gossp about me at the school gate or at the gym

OP posts:
MoominPie22 · 12/02/2016 11:03

Brilliant! Smile Don´t be in a rush to see him or speak to him either...no matter what he grovels and snivels, it´s all Bullshit, as you know now anyway. The odious worm! Angry

It must be very refreshing finally ridding yourself of the shackles after so long. You´ve been stifled but now you´re empowered! Grin

He won´t recognise you, the fucking scumbag! He´s nothing but shit on your shoe that you´ve finally got rid of.

I wouldn´t be letting him over the threshold again. I know you will eventually have to see eachother face to face but I´d do that in a public place, neutral territory. Then he won´t be tempted to revert to type and behave like a total bullying wanker.

Will read your old threads later that have been linked....I reckon you´re inspiring loads of women who are stuck in abusive, dysfunctional relationships if they read this.

tipsytrifle · 12/02/2016 11:08

Chocolate for you Dragons

Let us know when he's been and gone. It'll make us smile a bit ...
Can't believe you weren't at least tempted to steam his post open. Maybe discover any legal tactics he has going on in the background. Utterly wrong, I know, I know .... Blush

ConkersDontScareSpiders · 12/02/2016 11:15

I'm sure no one is gossiping out of malice (if they are at all). Think this is when mumsnet comes into its own really-to help and to give inspiration-like someone else said (sorry on phone so can't check), you are a great model of what to do dragons for anyone else in the same boat.

ConkersDontScareSpiders · 12/02/2016 11:16

Is also what I'd do tipsy tbh Blush

DragonsCanHop · 12/02/2016 11:16

There is no way he is coming in this house today.

I've read one of my threads and I've typed out the messages I read between him and the women at work, to say they have unleashed my angry doesn't even cut the start of it. I've screen shot them and will send them to him on his FB wall if I have to, so he best stay away today, I'm in no mood for him.

DD3 said last night that she used to listen to our arguments and asked about this women and whether daddy had an affair, I told her that was the last thing we need to focus on. I'm off work for two weeks just for her and her sisters and she was happy to leave that there.

What happened last week and all over the years bares no comparison with hiM also being a sleazy fucker on top of an abusive control freak.

Aghh back to the wardrobe cleaning, still no sign of him I don't think.

OP posts:
ConkersDontScareSpiders · 12/02/2016 11:19

Excellent stuff dragons.use that anger.also with all the tidying as a distraction think how lovely and organised your house will be as well 😀 Glad dd3 seemed as ok as possible.horrible to think of her hearing all the arguments and wondering about it all-but how great that that will never happen again!

LadyLuck81 · 12/02/2016 11:34

You are doing so well. Keeping up. And cleaning as a distraction from turmoil is a time honoured tradition. I don't have any advice but I'm cheering you on X

Friendlystories · 12/02/2016 11:35

I almost posted after your first update this morning but had nothing useful to say other than how amazingly well you're still dealing with everything and I thought you might be sick of hearing that, wish I had now because believe me no one is thinking badly of you for your old threads. Getting away from an abusive partner is a journey, usually a long one and there is absolutely no judgement here for you needing to make that journey at your own pace. Very few of us would be strong enough to make such massive, life changing decisions at the first sign of abuse, it's absolutely normal and understandable to need to reach the limit of our tolerance before we take that step. I'm hoping he's been and gone by now and your stress levels are starting to come down, I still think you're dealing with all this admirably even if you did end up taking the second diazepam, don't beat yourself up for needing a prop sometimes, that's why the Dr gave them to you. You've been jaw droppingly brave and level headed right the way through this, your girls have an incredible role model in you but you are allowed a wobble here and there you know Flowers

Grapefruit8 · 12/02/2016 11:45

Just read the full thread and wanted to offer support. You are doing absolutely fantastically and you should be so so proud. Thanks

GarlicBake · 12/02/2016 12:40

10mg of diazepam for a new user is quite a lot. It's not impossible that Dragons is currently lying down in a relaxed sprawl, admiring the lovely sunshine and giggling at herself Grin

ConkersDontScareSpiders · 12/02/2016 13:47

Hope so Smile and that he turned up and left without incident.

DragonsCanHop · 12/02/2016 13:59

Grin garlibake I'm actually listening to hardcore rave CDs I found in the garage and clearing out all the wardrobes.

And I've also eaten lunch which is a first since this all kicked off this time round. My music was so loud I didn't here him come or go, we have had a couple of text messages about me paying the window cleaner and him leaving his bag of flip flops and swimming trunks in my car, apparently he doesn't need those right now.

He then tried with a "are you ok" text but I ignored that and haven't looked at my phone since.

OP posts:
ConkersDontScareSpiders · 12/02/2016 14:02

Star go on girl!!

AcrossthePond55 · 12/02/2016 14:15

Dragons You are 'eminently admirable'. This is a 'family saying' that goes back to when DS2 was around 10 and somehow put those two words together to describe some Pokemon character. It's praise of the highest order round here!

KOKO.

BTW, I'd watch the Diazepam & use it sparingly. DH was Rx'd it when he had panic attacks due to A-fib. He had an extremely hard time 'stepping down' from it after surgery. I took one once and it knocked me on my arse!

Lweji · 12/02/2016 14:17

Liking your updates. :)

Presumably you'll throw away any stuff he hasn't collected by a certain time? Wink

Goingtobeawesome · 12/02/2016 14:18

Make sure he takes everything in future. You're not his storage holder.

Sidge · 12/02/2016 14:19

Dragons you are incredible. In a few years you will look back and realise just how strong you were and how far you have come.

Be strong, woman, and be loved. Your girls are lucky to have you Smile Flowers

shoeaddict83 · 12/02/2016 14:20

take it to the charity shop!!! He doesnt want it - its not yours and you arent a storage facility!!

On a serious note you are doing amazing Dragon! Keep raving to your CD and i hope you have a nice weekend with your girls and he doesnt cause any issues for you Smile