Roll up, roll up, it's dating thread 96

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

We don't have get through these at speed....

The Rules

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin
3. Do no invest emotionally too soon
4. It's all BS until it actually happens
5. Trust your gut instinct
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
8. If it's not fun- stop
9. Loo update is mandatory

10. No dating the thread 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches, and take from it what you will

Oh sorry
Wrong man, familiar refrain!

Hahahaha! Yep!!!

Can I join? I want to ask opinion if I may? I started on OLD in December, had a few dates. I've got a Saturday morning coffee date with a guy - call him boatman. I started chatting last week, but he's been a bit intense - seems to want to phone me or message a lot and sends a lot of pics. He already asked if he could take me for a ride on his motorbike straight after the date. I said no, he then asked if we could carry on in the afternoon/evening, when I said I was busy (I do have another date!) he asked for Sunday - I haven't met him yet! I asked him to slow down, but I'm not sure whether to even go at all. Any thoughts gratefully received

sparkly that would piss me off - you might hate each other on sight! I'd call the date off.

Sparkly, he sounds a bit unhinged or desperate to me. I'd call it off.

Oh Sparkly this one has completely unrealistic expectations.

Your instincts are right. I would be very wary of going and tempted to cancel.

I agree Sparkly - he sounds insecure and desperate, and borderline psycho if I'm honest!

Hi all, thanks for confirming what I was thinking, I've been feeling really uneasy about it.

Been exchanging messages with a guy the past few days...started off great with him commenting on things I said, asking questions and me doing the same...

Thing is though...I've provided him a few opportunities to find out about me, elabourating a little on things I'm sharing but he hasn't picked up on these cues to take the conversation in those directions...and I'm finding he isn't really sharing much about himself. And his most recent message was still friendly, commented on two things I had said but that was about it (and didn't answer the one thing I had asked him in my previous message).

Sooo...maybe I just shouldn't respond and see if he adds anything or tries to take the convo in a different direction? I mean I CAN respond but it would be something like "haha, yes I agree." type of thing because there is literally nothing else to add based on what he wrote.

Thoughts? I admit my expectations are probably high because I'm a very chatty person and I like to write...but I do get bored with guys who initiate conversation online and then can't seem to take it anywhere even when I feel that I'm making it pretty easy for them to do so.

Yey for playing it cool with Soho :) mum2k I think some people are just like that, especially men. I find loads of people, women too, don't ask questions. This annoys me too as I'm really chatty and naturally someone who likes to ask questions and am genuinely inquisitive about people. Have you met him yet?

I've got a date with MrHr tonight, we managed to squeeze something in as I'm at a wedding all weekend. Hopefully my mum can take the kids and put them to bed for me and I can say I'm going late night shopping. (Not told anyone I'm dating yet, especially my mum who's hoping I go back to my husband)!!

Good luck to anybody with a date tonight!

waving glad you had a good chat with your friend.

I have a date with Mr Goa tonight. Only my second date since I started OLD again in November.

Mom2K, I agree - I don't like it when men make no effort with their messages. I was chatting to a couple of men I quite liked the look of, but I stopped chatting to them because of their messages. They didn't answer the questions I asked (nothing nosey, just about their interests etc), didn't ask me questions, and their messages were so short and nothing-y (is that a word?) that it just gave me nothing to go on. Otoh, I suspect Waving is right that it doesn't necessarily mean they won't be chatty in real life.

Ladylou, good luck with your date tonight!

Waving, glad you're feeling better about Soho.

I have a date with J1 tonight, we're going out for cocktails so I'm getting glammed up!

Still no fucking idea what's happening with MrCS, we exchanged a couple of messages yesterday then he went quiet and I then saw him on POF. I really, really need to delete his number but I just can't bring myself to do it.

Have a date with MrBH in a couple of weeks, I have no child-free time before that. He's very good at texting and phoning and makes me laugh all of which are good signs.

London and I are vaguely exchanging messages, he reckons he's still ill, as does MrHappn so we'll see what happens once they're fit and well again.

I was supposed to have a date with Sparks last night but he didn't get in touch with me until 12:30 last night. I need to think up a suitably pithy reply. I think we're both going along with the idea of a date because we've nothing better to do than because we really want to.

I've been exchanging messages with an old iron MrIT not sure if he'll move back up into iron status, we'll see.

Right MrHr has cancelled, said he's meeting a client in opposite direction to where we are meeting. My gut tells me he's been blowing me off all week, I've just sent him a text telling him as much. Maybe wrong of me but he actually asked me to come off POF but if he's going to piss me about then I'm going back on! What do you think ladies?

Waving, I can't remember - have you met Mr Tall before?

Ladylou, same question to you - have you met MrHr before? What made you think he's been blowing you off all week? I definitely wouldn't stop going on POF if you haven't actually met him yet (or even if you've met once or twice but aren't sure about him). I'd possibly give him another chance to arrange a date, but I'd definitely leave it up to him to suggest it and make the arrangements. And if he doesn't - next!

I'm going for a drink with Mr Goa this evening.

Gast, I'm so jealous of all your irons. I only have one, Mr Goa! It seems like London's been ill for ages - do you think he really is?

Hey Goldfish I met him last Wednesday for lunch and he was very keen to meet again. We arranged dinner for Saturday but he cancelled in the morning as he was ill. I suggested on the Monday that we rearrange and he said yes, when was I free. Then he said he was busy with work this week and I have a wedding this weekend. He was just generally messaging less, I was initiating the messages more, altho he always got back quick enough. We arranged last night to meet for dinner tonight but he text this afternoon saying he was having to meet a client in the opposite direction we were to meet so couldn't make it. No reassurance or anything we'd rearrange. Anyway, I messaged back saying was he blowing me off as it was fine but would rather him be upfront about it rather than waste my time. This online dating is making me slightly crazy I think!!!

Oh tricky one ladylou! I would kind of feel as if I was being blown off too...especially since you already did have one meeting...but I also read so much into just basic messaging as well to try and figure out what their level of interest is. But as has been pointed out here - the way someone chats online doesn't necessarily reflect what they'll be like in person. At any rate...I don't think it can hurt that you were upfront with him about not wanting your time wasted if he isn't keen. If he's not blowing you off, he should make that clear now...and if he is - next!

As for the guy I'm chatting with...I'm going to call him tradesman - I have not met with him yet. It's only been a few days of exchanging one or two messages back and forth...but I do really like the look of him, and he can string a few sentences together and sound personable, which is more than I can say for some others I chatted with and then got bored of. I think I would like to meet this one at some point...but am not going to suggest just yet. I want to see if he does first. So I did reply this morning...but I just further commented on his comment and didn't elabourate either (but still very friendly and chatty). We'll see what he does with that...lol

Mum2K, let us know how tradesman responds!

Ladylou, if this is the second time he's cancelled, I wouldn't be impressed. Especially as he hasn't been reassuring or tried to rearrange. To be honest, I'm not sure I'd give him a third chance. And you're right, it's so much better if they're honest about things. I wonder if he'll reply to your text?

Any advice for when an ex starts seeing someone new? I strongly suspect that Mr2015 has just started seeing someone (via Twitter /FB stalking). I have known this might happen for a long time and part of me is almost relieved that it has and a part of me is genuinely pleased that he is happy (quite a small part...) but it also obviously hurts.
Rationally, I know that a relationship with him would not be easy. Last time we were seeing each other I ended up with anxiety FFS! I would be much better off with someone else that can give me what I need Trouble is that a) there is no one else (apart from MrEloquent but that's not really happening) and b)I still really want him.
I am actually not doing as badly as all of that might sound...just having a meh moment I suppose

Oh god, ignore my self indulgent twaddle! I have, to use a good MN phrase, given my head a wobble. I am fine, we split up months ago, he's free to do as he likes and I just have to stop being so invested in it all!

BornToFolk, I left my X (he was abusive) and yet I still hated it when I first discovered that he'd started seeing somebody new, I envied HIM not her. I envied him his freedom, his second chance, the fact that he looked like such a good catch with his house/profession/car... I hated that after we split he still had 'status' iyswim, and i was just a single mother with two dependents. I hated him that I was so trapped. Economically, practically. So it is hard! It's always hard, even when you would rather stick needles in your eyes. I think his new GF is settling for very little personality in a man though. When I met him we were young and stupid. She met him when he had two dc and a bad relationship with his x (me) and she's still with him. The lucky lucky woman :-p I'm so glad now though! I think maybe he behaves better than he would otherwise because she is there to witness it all now. For his script to ring true, that he was blameless etc,,, he has to be civil etc