Roll up, roll up, it's dating thread 96

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

We don't have get through these at speed....

The Rules

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin
3. Do no invest emotionally too soon
4. It's all BS until it actually happens
5. Trust your gut instinct
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
8. If it's not fun- stop
9. Loo update is mandatory

10. No dating the thread 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches, and take from it what you will

Wow the thread has moved quickly! Last night's date wasn't great, he was pleasant enough but there was no spark and I was back home in my PJs for 8.30pm. I did sustain a dating related injury after tripping up and twisting my ankle on the way home though That means tonight's date will have to be jeans and flat shoes to hide the fetching tubi-grip bandage I'm currently sporting.

I'm looking forward to this one (my first off Tinder) as his pre-date conversation has been good and he's traveling from another city which means he must be fairly keen (possibly!), not sure how recent some of his photos are though... I've also booked a cocktail bar I've wanted to try for a while for 9pm so if it's going well I'll take him there

Sorry about the injury Beth Noir

And good luck tonight
Will be waiting for an update!

Ooh Beth good luck for tonight

Well done for bailing early last night - impressed.

Sorry about your DRI (dating-related-injury) hahahaha!!!!

Ladies WHAT DO I SAY TO CUFFLINKS??????????? AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!

Options I suppose are:

1. go out with him tomorrow, enjoy his company, snog him then sending him on his way (I know I'm a klutz but this is an attractive idea to me although it plays into his hands entirely).

2. tell him he's a sleezy bastard and to feck off for ever

3. tell him politely 'the ts and cs still apply come back when you've had a personality transplant change of heart'

Just had a text from my ex who wants to bring the kids back tomorrow evening. I miss them horribly and they have now saved me from going on a date with the sleezy fecker. Problem solved. For now. The text messages from Cufflinks will doubtless carry on. I enjoy the banter and the text flirtations. I just need to hold off from actually meeting. Which will only make him chase me more...... all of this means I just need to find someone decent to date - and pronto.

My other Scottish man is back from Edinburgh on Sunday. But I'm not free to meet until 26th Feb unless I get a sitter. I need to focus on the decent-sounding Scot. In fact I might Whatsapp him now to take my attention elsewhere.

Good luck with your date tonight Beth!

Handy, you dodged the bullet then! You know that c) would be the right answer but so hard to do (which is why I am still messaging MrEloquent, ho hum)

Thank you DeeDee, HandyWoman and BorntoFolk I've told him about the injury but not about the cocktail bar booking, I had to give my card details to book and the guy on the phone said if it goes badly I can go on my own and the bar-staff would be happy to keep me company

I think directing your attention elsewhere is the most sensible option HandyWoman

Think that's the best detour you could of asked for!

You know I've been debating about paying the £29.99 for my match subscription,well just had an email offering me the month for £5.00...it would be rude not to..and i get to read the 5 messages!

£1 per message, what could go wrong?

Did they give you a code? I'd be tempted to have another go at match for that price (Zoosk is still being utterly shite...)

There was no code folk...
Just had an email
Ha ha...3 messages were from 55 year olds!!
One from barcona
One 20 miles away

Might need to change my settings😐

Been on Match for five months.

In that time I've had five messages. FIVE.

My out box has messages x 12 that nobody has replied to!!!!

Really don't need to be paying for that.

Match.com gave me my 11 months relationship with zero effort from Aug 2014.

Perhaps that's why! There is no mojo left on Match for me!

I know exactly what you mean handywoman . I need to find somebody decent to date and pronto too or I'll end up fooling myself that Bear is meeting immediate needs why I continue my search. I could tell myself that, but unfortunately I'd feel more connected to him than to any of the other contenders. Also, I'm aware that no matter what rationalisation I give things, six months ago when things were much clearly I was resolved to avoid this situation and it's probably feelings (wanting sex, wanting sex maybe even specifically with him?) that's making me re-frame my earlier no.
So If I did sleep with him, I'd have obligingly fallen in to the very arrangement he suggested six months ago, and then I said no way, and I meant it then, for good reasons! So what's changed? I was upset over H for about 72 hours, but that's passed, I don't need comfort now.

So it is a mindfuck. Also, I don't hide other dates from him and he doesn't care really, I'd say it's almost a relief to him. Even though we communicate regularly, he feels relief when I date other men who are looking for a relationship. I however wouldn't feel the same insouciance at all if I knew for a fact that he had others like me. He knows that'd kill it for me. He knows me well enough to know that that'd make me jealous for a short while but that I'd dialogue my way out of it and then take a big step back so he doesn't let me know any detail like that.

I just don't think I want to any more. I did for a while, but it's passed now.

I was out last night and Delbald whatsapped me and he seems very normal and good humoured so despite his huge head, I'll give that a go. Also, date with mrcanceller in the offing. Looking forward to that. He's funny.

Glad your kids were delivered back to you in time to save you from making a decision you might regret handy

Yy 314 it's exactly that. It's exactly that. Once you've laid out the terms you there is no way of going for the one-off shag and not looking like someone with zero boundaries right?

Cufflinks is actually texting me saying how about tonight, he's on his way out of the city and a five min train ride from me.

Readers, I fricking fancy the pants off him.

But I was strong and just responded with an

It ain't gonna happen text.

Now he is pretending that he only meant a platonic date. Fucking bullshit (excuse my French).

I need to block him now, don't I.

Nicely handled, er, Handy.

things can change and love can bite you on the bum when you least expect it

Absolutely. It's funny how these things happen although not so funny when it's not happening to you but people keep telling you it will

Thanks 314 sound advice, not ignoring him but not jumping either. I don't want to be used as a crutch for his woes. It's supposed to be fun after this short time.

waving keep going. Onwards and upwards. Or downwards as the case maybe.

Irons for me. Fuckwit from my original message. Cute but not that cute I want to be his unpaid therapist. He sent me message last night saying all he wants is time settled with someone. If he doesn't up his game he can jog on,
Mr mortgage. Sounds lovely. Coffee date next week. Lives half an hour from me.
Rugbyman. Rugged funny and makes me laugh

Still delving ...... KOKO ladies ....

Im proud of you handy!!

What a day for this thread! Full of trials and tribulations!

waving it sounds as though the soho chat went well. My take (and it's so difficult all of us reading into this convo via the Internet) of the obliged comment is this. It's his get out of jail free card served up front. It's a coping mechanism for him.
He will date and have sex and all that stuff but also wants to the option to walk away and say 'I told you I didn't want anything heavy'.
The reality of life is that anyone can walk away from anything at any time. The people who say they are ready for a relationship and then ghost a few months in are far worse IMO. He's laid his table out and it's for you to decide what to do.
In your shoes I agree with the advice given on here, I wouldn't actually focus on other irons. I'd focus on you, your DC's, hobbies and just give this the space to grow.

I've cancelled my sat night date and whilst I am not saying I'm exclusive or in a relationship, I'm not actively pursuing any other options at the moment. scot deserves more than that. He's being a sweetheart and making me melt. And smile. So he deserves my attention. If soho makes you feel the same, take the risk.

Onto rest of thread.

callyourself what was the emoji?

born I so agree with your advice!

handy so what are you going to do re cuff links?

beth good luck in tonight's date!

314 so what is the deal with you and bear?

Sorry to anyone else I've missed. This thread is getting uber busy!

I've started thread 97 as I figure we'll need it soon!

Sassy, hi!, well, we communicate texting and skyping (with camera) a lot and I did lean on him after H dumped me which I regret now. I told him everything, and he was very reassuring to me about the things I was agonising over. I've talked more to him than I have to any of my friends since I met him. Just after H dumped me I said to him ''oh I've realised that I have immediate needs in the short term and longer term needs as well'' and he was nodding sagely. That was how I felt immediately after H finished with me, but I am fine now. Boundaries are going back up now. He has moved further away from me (Geographically I mean) since we met which has saved me I from doing the deed already. It would require planning now! I'd enjoy it though, for sure. I know that. But, I'd feel a bit like I stepped in to somebody else's line and abandoned my own standards. But luckily I don't feel the same way about him any more anyway. I know him better now and some of the stuff he's told me really makes me see him as a bit flawed, so I feel less 'romantic' about him! It's affection though still, so as handy says, if you lay out your terms to begin with and then go back on them, you just look like a woman with no boundaries. I am glad I've smelled the coffee I think.

Are you seeing the Scottish man this weekend?

Bloody well done, Handy.

Nothing doing here - a bit of flirty chat with Mr Video this morning, I really want to meet him now even though he's a lot younger than me as he's so funny.

Thanks Gast

Handy I don't believe that somebody so commitment-phobic as cufflinks thinks a relationship is for twenty years! why would somebody who avoids commitment think like that! I call horse shit. Those of us who are less commitment-phobic and looking for commitment would still be able to acknowledge that you can't really know your OWN feelings too far in advance so it'd be impossible to expect somebody else to know that theirs for you would last twenty years . That just doesn't add up. It sounds like something he says, to avoid even having to see where it leads.

batshit how much younger?!

314 he's 36

The twenty years vibe was something that Waving said about Soho.

Cufflinks doesn't need to define 'relationship' - the only time the 'R' word came up was when he told me he doesn't want one! I don't need to ask twice!

We would need to get past the monogamy hurdle first!!! that's enough of a sticking point!!!!

Hello folks!
Can I join in? I'm newly back on the dating scene, and wow - things have changed a bit since last time I was here!