Financial control - Part 2

[AngryMo]

Just starting new thread. Hopefully can kickstart it with details of my CAB meeting.

Good suggestions about offering a window of availability. I would be listening carefully, if they do skype, and ready to turn off the wifi or switch off the device suddenly if he says anything untoward. He has no experience of this loss of control.

I have no intention of taking part in the call - usually I just get the kids ready, hit the button and leave them to it. I guess I have no choice but to comply because no way is going to accuse me of being difficult.
I was just looking at the calendar for the next few weeks and just seeing the words P returns have made my stomach churn.

*he is going to

Oh I didn't notice it before - but the little 'x's are back at the end of his messages now.

Haha he's a fuckwitt!

If he starts trying to manipulate the kids to get you in on the Skype call, you and tell them you're going to the toilet and will speak to daddy later. That avoids them getting drawn in and you can always switch off if he continues. It'd be prudent to record each call just in case he does take this tact.

reply, "Skype between 6 - 7"
good plan to tell the kids you are going to be in the loo, but actually listen in.
these sudden signs of interest are SO predictable......it's farcical

Like an x is going to turn everything around. Breathe breathe breathe...

but he still hasn't actually tried to SPEAK to you. out loud, real words, from his mouth ........

I bet he doesn't think you're serious. He probably thinks you're just having a hissy fit and once he's back you'll forget all this and fall back into line. This is why he's not made any proper effort to sort anything out, he doesn't believe you're actually going to leave him.
My XH didn't believe I was actually serious and properly leaving him for a long while. He just thought I was having a bit of a midlife crisis and I'd calm down eventually!
When it comes to the kids and Skype just think of your role as their admin assistant, be business like, organise the appointments and facilitate the call but you don't need to be involved at all.

No you're right, there is no sense of urgency. You can't run a relationship on emails alone - much less attempting to repair one.
Just had an interesting convo with his mother, who can't help but bring it up every five minutes I have with her. Similar to her 'I know what it's like when you don't have any money' comment a while back, she just said to me if he's denying me money, she'd move heaven and earth to make sure I have/get everything I need (can't remember exact words - whether she was implying she would try to get HIM to sort it out or whether she'd come to the rescue herself I'm not sure). But again, why did she say such a thing. She says she has minimal contact with him herself so I sincerely doubt he's told her anything. I didn't reveal any more obviously, not for her to interfere.

I don't think you can possibly believe they have as little contact as they claim. Remember he has repeatedly stated that his mother will babysit whenever you need to work - I don't think that's just his invention, I'm sure they have discussed it.

It sounds as if they now think that slightly increasing your allowance should solve the problem - not even like being a servant in need of a pay rise, as then you would get to spend the money on what you wanted. Just a minor budget uplift until you stop complaining. If he put a million quid a month on to that card it still wouldn't solve the problem of the fact he thinks he gets to dictate every aspect of your life because he is earning the money. And that he might at any time, when he feels you have stepped out of line, reduce it back to the breadline. Nothing can change the fact he has treated you and your children as second class citizens. The problem is your MIL actually believes she is one.

I would imagine they will all be incredulous that you won't just accept a minor increase in your pittance. He will find it very hard to accept that having utterly taken the piss for years, this is your walking away point. Byt that tells you everything that's wrong here.

His mum sounds positive! I would take that to be she would stick up for you and make sure she tells him what for of tries to screw you over with maintence. If he would listen to her is another matter but you never know maybe she secretly wanted to do the same thing he self but never had the "luxery" of benefit system or advice?

I've often wondered that myself, Akire, but I don't think she was prepared to sacrifice her house and 'status' (that's how she thinks of it - like she's royalty or something ) and put that before her own freedom and happiness.
Anyway I'm wondering why, if she does think that's suspect that or actually know something - and is the interfering kind - why hasn't she pulled her own son up on it? But I agree, her loyalties certainly aren't going to be with her son alone, she made that clear today and I sort of knew that anyway from the way they are.

*or suspect that

Thinking about it though...just the phrase "denying (me) money", does sound like, if I told her indeed that is what is happening, that she KNOWS it is wrong. She has changed her wording from being passive about oh well you're not working, he has all the money, you have done, to suddenly being denied what I have a right to as part of this family. Maybe the cogs are starting to work in her head as well...

*you have NONE. FFS! I can't type today

Without causing a panic attack- what are you going to do when he comes back? Is there a spare bed he or you can go in? Need to plan and be clear this isn't back to normal. Ideal ge be one sleeping on sofa but realise not as easy as it sounds. Use the £50 to get a blow up bed??

Good point about deny it words. Maybe she's twigged about all his boasting and what he's got and his plans and what he gives you.

He can stay in the spare room. Luckily we have one. No doubt he'll fight about that too.

When are you moving his stuff in :)

GOOD point! Yes, I can arrange that

Lol it shows you mean business and have thought it out it's not just a whim or whatever he's thinking. How long is he home - it's only visit isn't it?
Get kids to help make a new sign for daddy's room door- maybe can say daddy's used to sleeping in his own bed while he's away so he having own here?

I still can't believe he hasn't phoned you! Actually called you to speak to you! ! YOUVE told him it's over and you want out and what does he do....He sends you 50 quid and starts putting x at the end of the emails. wtf!
He hasn't even told you he loves you !

Yup. Oh look at that, literally now an "ok thanks x" reply. Twatty twat.