Financial control - Part 2

[AngryMo]

Just starting new thread. Hopefully can kickstart it with details of my CAB meeting.

This is his token attempt at last minute being thoughtful! What a joke. £50 is enough to treat the kids to do the odd thing over next couple of weeks why would you blow it on one meal- oh wait that's what he does with £50!!

Tempting as it is to not take it , kids deserve the odd treat.

And here comes the charm offensive. Clearly this £50 is what he thinks it will cost to keep you in the marriage.

I both agree with this, and at the same time find it one of the most depressing sentences ever posted on MN!

£50. That's what you and the DC are worth. That's what you can be 'bought' with.

Arse.

My silence will be frustrating the hell out of him, especially now he's parted with fifty of his precious pounds.
I always said if it's anything to do with the kids I will acknowledge it. So the only thing I'll reply to is his other separate message just before that one to ask if we could Skype. I was busy though so couldn't but I'll get back and say it was too late, will have to be another time.

Fifty fecking pounds

You've just informed him you want to split....and instead of declarations of love, booking an urgent flight home, flowers I could go on; he messages you at lunchtime on Easter sunday that he has given you an extra £50 to go out to eat

He does this whilst being on a va-kay......eating, drinking and having a fab ole time......what an utter twat.

Keep strong free mo and try to block him/change your relationship status as soon as possible.

He just gets worse and worse.

In his defence, I should say that if his card works like mine, it will have cost him - hang on to your hats for this - TWO POUNDS AND FIFTY PENCE to put the money in on the same day. So I think you should consider that you're worth £52.50, Mo, don't undersell yourself.

Fwa hahahaaa, just spat my tea out....
Yes so pathetic I have to laugh

Tribpot - ha ha, he would never do that for me! He must transfer a chunk of money to the UK each month so any further transfers to me wouldn't cost him anything. He gets livid enough if he gets stuck with one of those Link ATMs that make you pay. Anything like that...no way. But pissing money up the wall on another holiday, hell yes.

Ah but this is a pre-paid card, isn't it? If it's like mine it's not covered by the Faster Payments scheme so you actually do have to part with money to get the dosh to transfer faster. Obviously you'll be able to confirm when he gives you access to his bank accounts

No the prepaid one is just for grocery shopping. This is just a bank transfer.

He hasn't said anything worthy of a reply AngryMo. You're doing brilliantly. Very proud of you!

AngryMo I have spent about 4 hours today reading your threads from start to finish and I am absolutely gobsmacked that there are people like him around. I have found myself cooking tonight and saying hundreds of things to him based on just your thead so god knows how you are coping so bloody admirably. I am so impressed with you and am here whooping you on.

Keep on keeping on and don't please god don't ever think to go back...

Thanks Loubilou. I'm gobsmacked myself that I've found myself in this situation but thanks for your words of encouragement.

I've just caught up with the thread and can't believe how he's behaving. £50 is such a derisory amount. I would be very tempted to send him a message saying 'Thanks. But it's far too little and it's far too late'! You are better off just ignoring it though. Keep screen shots of everything he's posting on fb and all the messages he's sent you.

I'm not biting...and not finding it hard this time. For him £50 is unbelievably generous, it's 10% of his monthly allowance for just a single meal out!

Fifty pounds on Sunday?
surely it was 30 pieces of silver on Friday that was required?

Oh-oh, he's on the creep again. He's obviously desperate now to open up the lines of communication again and my silence is panicking him. He's gone from three months of one or two word only messages to suddenly a more conversational and chatty style saying it's a shame we couldn't Skype today so can we try again tomorrow (because he'll be back from his holiday). I feel a bit cornered. When he asks to skype the kids, I don't like to obstruct, but he can't have it at the drop of a hat only when it suits him and because he's not doing something that he deems more important. Obviously if we were a normal long distance couple and he wanted to skype whenever because he was genuinely too busy etc. I'd bend over backwards to make sure they could see and speak to each other. Not sure how to respond.

Btw, I do feel a bit silly, because it seems I can't make a decision on how to respond (or not) until I've consulted my advisors first

If it suits you, why not? It you're busy then don't. You really don't have to fit in with him do you, I mean you could have splashed out on a holiday or something

Don't feel pushed into making a decision. You could reply saying "when I'm ready or to coin his now famous phrase "this is not what I want".

Totally agree he's had months to establish contact routine now he's worried about his money he wants to talk. If you don't feel up to it you can be busy too. Or maybe he can talk to the kids and if you do have to speak or answer his questions you can be very vague about plans and replies. Though I'm guessing he's more likely try be all old style nothing's up, throw the odd extra scrap for a couple of weeks them back to normal.

If it feels to much say no, or set it up the oldest can press button for Skype call answer and just not be available.

Mind you he could have jumped on a plane taken emergency leave days ago. He could been home in less than 24h. That's what people do if they care a shit. He's got all resources money can buy and had the time yet he's just managed to not arange a single Skype call. Mind you bet parting with that £50 made him all sweaty and faint.

Even the most unromantic tosser would know to send flowers after a row or to make it up. Just zero zero effort. Thinking about it he knows your area why couldn't he take the time to ring up local restaurants and book you in sonewhere for lunch if it was that important. So my response to should I be busting a gut to set up a call would on balance be no

In the interests of keeping contact open with him and the DC you could say "DC will be free from 630-7. You can speak to them then" and you can add in that you have nothing to say to him at the moment so it will just be the DC. Or you can just stay in a different room and get eldest to tell him that you're busy if he asks to speak to you.

Don't feel like you have to speak to him. And tell him a time that suits you, don't be flexible to make it easy for him to have it all without putting himself out.

Seriously though, how predictable is he? Months of smirky one-word answers and emails and suddenly he thinks he's losing his grip and starts to try and be human. Which just shows he knew what he was doing all along. Just thought he could get away with it.

You need to be utterly blameless here, he will fight dirty so you need to be sure that he cant throw "she wouldnt let me Skype the kids" into the ring.

So I agree that you give him a time frame such as "Yes, the kid will be available from 6pm to 8pm" and leave it at that. Then you have written proof that you offered it even if he doesnt actually Skype them (and keep a note of how long he is talking to them for).

give him a time frame such as "Yes, the kid will be available from 6pm to 8pm" and leave it at that

Perfect. The easiest way is to make reasonable statements but not engage in discussion by justifying or explaining.

The more you say, the more he'll have to use against you so keep it to short factual statements only.

I agree, give him a reasonable time interval in which the kids will be available by Skype. You don't need to participate in that except to make sure the call is answered and hung up.

He has to want to see them over Skype to make his story about how desperately he is missing you all and that's caused all of his bad behaviour to seem plausible. If all he's doing is pissing it up the wall on holiday even his parents might see through that. However, I would avoid withholding access to the children because it will be used against you later. He will quickly get bored of pretending to give a shit anyway.