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Original poster

I want to believe him

190 replies

icklekid · 23/01/2016 05:22

So yesterday eve I got a very odd text from dh

"Hi babe what flat do I need to buzz? X"

I rang dh immediately and said I was confused about the text he just sent he said he hadn't sent a text and was driving home not far away. I said fine and he said is everything OK? I just told him would talk about it when he got back.

I have 18 month ds and am very early stages of second pregnancy. At the moment I'm struggling to keep any food down and crippled by exhaustion so 2 days of looking after ds (work part time) have been very tough. Anyway I bath ds and get him ready for bed. Dh comes home doesn't say anything about it and puts ds to bed.

I go downstairs and wait for dh -when he comes in I show him the text and say that I don't understand. He says I can see how that would upset you but I promise it wasn't me who sent it. I'm in tears saying that I don't understand how it can't be him!! He has been late back from work every night this week but work is also hell for him at the moment and he's commuting long distances.

Help I don't want to believe he's cheating and he says he would never risk what we have but what other option is there?

OP posts:
Original poster
icklekid · 26/01/2016 04:16

So dh cancelled his sim card because he rang them to enquire about the text he didn't send... he said there were other numbers he didn't know that were on phone records which makes me suspicious. Going to ring them myself tomorrow and find out times and dates. Tempted to ring the number but that's not going to end well is it? Just wish he'd stop lying

OP posts:
notonyurjellybellynelly · 26/01/2016 04:21

You don't need to ask the phone company about times and dates.

You don't need him to stop lying.

You just need to accept you know the truth about what's being going on without those two things above.

Im sorry your going through this.

Gobbolino6 · 26/01/2016 05:01

Ah no, I'm sorry OP. I had a shred of hope that there was an innocent explanation until your most recent post. He's very hamfistedly lying.

Gobbolino6 · 26/01/2016 05:06

I am picturing a scenario where he waited to call them when you weren't there, and is acting all outraged about the terrible customer service. I hope that isn't the case, but if it is, I'd have him out of the door within minutes.

WelshMoth · 26/01/2016 05:13

I was going to suggest a second phone and him accidentally using his 'regular' phone to send the text.

I'm sorry OP but you need to do some digging around.

BitOutOfPractice · 26/01/2016 05:13

Oh op. You have to ask why he's lying

thisismypassword · 26/01/2016 06:14

I agree with welshmoth

TwoTonTessie · 26/01/2016 06:20

Try googling that number for information. I must admit that I would have called it by now. You know he's lying. He's not likely to stop even when confronted with all the evidence tbh.

loveyoutothemoon · 26/01/2016 07:15

I would've called the number, wouldn't be able to stop myself!

Throwingshade · 26/01/2016 07:30

Of course call the number. Get your friend to do it if you don't want to. Snoop around. Pretend you believe him if it helps. You need to know however awful this is.

Cabrinha · 26/01/2016 07:51

Oh dear.
You do absolutely see through that total - and frankly rather shit - lie, don't you?
I'm sorry.
He's busted.

FYI, my XH used prostitutes, a lot. I borrowed his old phone when mine broke - it was about a year old. It had lots of numbers not saved as names. I hadn't taken that as proof when I'd looked before because he has a job with lots of calling temporary customers. What I noticed was that very many of the calls were just seconds in length. And every single one of about 20 numbers went straight to a generic not personal voicemail.
I don't know why that pattern. But he did admit that they were prostitute numbers in the end. So I'm sharing it in case you see similar on phone records.

What was obvious to me, was a weekend that stood out a year previously as it was my sister's birthday and I know the kids and I were away. Both days, multiple numbers. Big peak - obviously trying to get hold of a working girl who was working Hmm

And that's the thing, these calls that he won't recognise? I GUARANTEE you that none of the mystery calls will have magically taken place at a time when he was with you.

I would say though, don't lower yourself to checking times and numbers.

He's a lying arsehole, and not even one that can make up good lies Hmm

JohnLuther · 26/01/2016 07:53

He's lying, he can't even be bothered to make them semi believable.

Cabrinha · 26/01/2016 07:58

Btw, I know I keep coming back to prostitutes - it's just because it's my personal experience. And sadly reading on here I don't think it's uncommon. Well, given how many there are, and massage parlours in every town, it can't be uncommon, can it? There is a sex worker who posts on here sometimes (Queen something?) who said 90% of her customers had girlfriends / wives.

But if course it could be a regular affair, or hook up sites.

When I confronted my XH with the fact his phone had loads of numbers he first said he hadn't rung Hmm what was really telling was that he didn't say "hand it over, let me see them".

Why hasn't your "husband" (poor excuse for that word) already been through the numbers and said "look, this one turned out to be a Pizza Hut in Corby, and this one just went to voicemail but it was at X time when we were at your mother's 60th"?

Why? Because he knows damn well what the numbers are, and who dialled them.

I'm sorry love SadFlowers

Sallystyle · 26/01/2016 08:08

The lengths some people go to to try to make this innocent.. cloning numbers and what not Hmm It's a bit of a massive stretch to think his phone would accidentally send that kind of message to his wife.

I am sorry OP I wouldn't believe a word he is saying. He has been caught and you need to do some more digging Thanks

AndYourBirdCanSing · 26/01/2016 16:34

try googling the numbers if you haven't, and typing into facebook to search just in case

smallfry16 · 26/01/2016 18:10

Demand to see the phone record. He's obviously lying.

BoneyBackJefferson · 27/01/2016 19:37

U2HasTheEdge
The lengths some people go to to try to make this innocent..

You mean putting forward a different scenario to you?

I have no idea whether the man is cheating or not, but the OP should be made aware of all possibilities.

In the end smallfry has the answer. look at the phone record

ItsASecret2013 · 27/01/2016 20:50

ok, I'll put this out there for all of you...

When you book an escort (think Adultwork here) you call then, they will then say when or if they're free, they will then text you a postcode, and ask you to text when you arrive at that postcode, then they will send you the house/flat/room number.

They will often text "Hi babe, postcode is XXXX XXX, text me when you get here for the number xx"

I'm telling you 100% he's visiting a hooker sending that message.

Breaking bro-code here.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 27/01/2016 21:22

So dh cancelled his sim card because he rang them to enquire about the text he didn't send - just like that? He cancelled a sim and lost his number because of apparent dodgy numbers on his bill? Doesn't he have a contract?
he said there were other numbers he didn't know that were on phone records how does he know that? The phone company started reading all his calls out to him?! Pull the other one.
which makes me suspicious it should. He's laid the foundation for an excuse if you get hold of his bill and see lots of unknown numbers, and he's tried to prevent that from happening by panic cancelling his sim (or trying to divert you by saying he has)
Sorry love, he's up to no good.

scarednoob · 27/01/2016 22:42

Oh OP, I feel awful for you, not knowing what is happening and esp in your condition Sad

It is quite possible for a phone to mix up contacts, so it would show a text from A as having come from B. But that would only work if someone else you know had sent that, which presumably cannot be the case.

My money is on a second phone, and that is why you won't find much. But I hope very much that I am wrong and there is an innocent explanation.

smallfry16 · 27/01/2016 23:02

Noob you are being naive and doing exactly what OPs DH wants. To believe he's innocent. The cancelling of the SIM says it all. You are encouraging denial.

Cabrinha · 28/01/2016 06:44

Noob, how does that work then?
Several people on here have said that they have received messages from the RIGHT person, just out of sync - a month old message arriving today. Nobody has reported a message from person A looking like it came from person B.

Agree with smallfry though - much as we'd all like to be wrong for OP's sake, the SIM cancellation shows that her husband is a lying shit.

Eminado · 28/01/2016 07:01

"So dh cancelled his sim card because he rang them to enquire about the text he didn't send... he said there were other numbers he didn't know that were on phone records"

And there it is
Sad
I am so very very sorry OP.
Dont you dare blame yourself. Please look after yourself.

WitchWay · 28/01/2016 07:04

All sounding very suspicious Sad

BitOutOfPractice · 28/01/2016 07:57

Noob isn't encouraging denial. If you read the post again she instantly dismisses the A/B theory and postulates there's a second phone. Hardly sounds like a proclamation of innocence to me.