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Original poster

I want to believe him

190 replies

icklekid · 23/01/2016 05:22

So yesterday eve I got a very odd text from dh

"Hi babe what flat do I need to buzz? X"

I rang dh immediately and said I was confused about the text he just sent he said he hadn't sent a text and was driving home not far away. I said fine and he said is everything OK? I just told him would talk about it when he got back.

I have 18 month ds and am very early stages of second pregnancy. At the moment I'm struggling to keep any food down and crippled by exhaustion so 2 days of looking after ds (work part time) have been very tough. Anyway I bath ds and get him ready for bed. Dh comes home doesn't say anything about it and puts ds to bed.

I go downstairs and wait for dh -when he comes in I show him the text and say that I don't understand. He says I can see how that would upset you but I promise it wasn't me who sent it. I'm in tears saying that I don't understand how it can't be him!! He has been late back from work every night this week but work is also hell for him at the moment and he's commuting long distances.

Help I don't want to believe he's cheating and he says he would never risk what we have but what other option is there?

OP posts:
Friendlystories · 25/01/2016 07:29

Horrible situation for you OP, it all rests on those phone records doesn't it really, whether he rang or texted someone immediately after he realised you'd had that text and anything earlier that day when he may have been arranging to meet someone. If you really can't bear to wait and I'm not sure I could is it worth insisting he rings the phone company today and gives authority for them to tell you what calls/texts there were for that day? The pp who worked for the phone company seemed to think that would be possible even if the info isn't available online yet. If he's unwilling to do it I think that would tell you for sure he is lying at least. I feel sick for you OP, glad you have some RL support now Flowers

TwoTonTessie · 25/01/2016 07:45

You can register for online phone statements with most companies so you don't have to wait until the next paper copy. Suggest he does this while you are with him so you can view it together.

TwoTonTessie · 25/01/2016 07:47

If he already has online access then you should be able to view all recent calls.

OhShutUpThomas · 25/01/2016 07:48

There's no chance he didn't send it.

I hope you get to the bottom of it Flowers

cupcakelovinggirl · 25/01/2016 07:52

Why are you breaking your neck to prove HE didn't send it? Surely that's his job to reassure you...?

GNRmama · 25/01/2016 08:45

Hi OP, it was me who said about the phone records being available immediately - they definitely are (at least on the network I worked for, can't see why it'd be different anywhere else) and as long as you have authority to speak to them you can find out right away. They won't be able to give you incoming calls or the names of the people he called but if you can tell them the time of the text they can provide you with the numbers he called at that time. Then you can work out which numbers you do or don't recognise.

AndYourBirdCanSing · 25/01/2016 09:12

You know he is lying as he doesn't have a magic phone which types and sends messages itself. He has gone for the 'calm and keep denying' form of defense.

I personally would tell him he has to leave unless gets the phone records and he tells you the truth NOW. Oncd chance. Honestly, he is counting on you letting this drop.

AndYourBirdCanSing · 25/01/2016 09:13

Sorry excuse typos! But really, for your own state of mind get to the bottom of this

mintoil · 25/01/2016 09:19

Oh sweetheart of course he bloody well sent it!

This thread is reminding me of this song

Flowers
Qwertyy · 25/01/2016 09:41

What about Viber and What's app and the likes, if he called or messaged through them it won't show up on any bill that's the problem.

I'm not sure how you're going to get it out of him, as he won't admit it.

That kind of limbo when you feel sick and vulnerable must be awful for you. I hope you can find a way to resolve this, if only for your piece of mind. Xxx

Qwertyy · 25/01/2016 09:42

Peace

BlondeOnATreadmill · 25/01/2016 09:46

FWIW, I have, on more than one occasion, had weird text messages from my Sister, that make absolutely no sense. Upon further examination from us both, they've been a total mish mash of previous texts she's sent me months previously. Sentences from different texts, all mixed up, so it's pure nonsense. She's the only person who sends me long texts that convert to MMS, and I think that has something to do with it. So weird!

Not saying that's what's happened here (his text was coherent), but it does just go to show, that strange things do happen sometimes with phones and messaging.

Redglitter · 25/01/2016 10:15

Android phones also track and save your locations if you have gps on.

VaginaRecliner · 25/01/2016 10:50

If you Google "phone sends text by itself", you'll find lots of interesting information.

SnailSpoon · 25/01/2016 10:54

Chance are he did send it. And you might not want to tell him about this as it would be a complete get out for him - maybe you should check with the phone company first.

But if he has a mate who loves a wind up then this could explain it:

www.fakemytextmessage.co.uk/

I only know about it because my sister sent me a message once from my DH's phone as a practical joke. I totally believed it was from him (as it came up on my phone as his name) and called him up and he had no idea what I was talking about.

Claraoswald36 · 25/01/2016 10:55

I don't think you can ask any more of him. The ni money missing from the bank is quite conclusive it's not a sex worker!

Cabrinha · 25/01/2016 14:47

Paying prostitutes in cash is so last decade though. Plenty of opportunity to make online payments these days.

I'm not saying this has to be a prostitute - I only said upthread that I have experience that using words like "babe" doesn't rule out a financial transaction.

But really, prostitute doesn't have to mean large cash withdrawal.

loveyoutothemoon · 25/01/2016 15:50

Yes he sent it, so why are you trying to get proof?

cupcakelovinggirl · 25/01/2016 16:12

The proof is - you have a text message from him that clearly wasn't for you. That is your proof.

BoneyBackJefferson · 25/01/2016 19:10

there are several apps that allow someone to pretend that they are texting from a different number, its called spoof texting.

cupcakelovinggirl · 25/01/2016 19:58

Why the fuck would you bother with a spoof text like that? It's hardly the prank of the century is it?

TheObserverOne · 25/01/2016 20:15

I don't really understand how he couldn't have sent it to be honest.
You say you checked his bill - I'm assuming you looked at the numbers and compared these to contacts in his phone? Have you considered that the contact in his phone is saved under a fake name?

thisismypassword · 25/01/2016 20:25

Being pregnant I wouldn't have sex with him until everything was sorted in the light of a pp's suggestion he may be paying.

Think of occam's razor: the simplest answer is usually the right one.

He's cheating.

Sorry.

ImperialBlether · 25/01/2016 20:43

Regarding the 'faking the text message' - if the message appeared with all the other messages from her husband, then it wouldn't be done using the fake message system. That can only look like it's from a number; it's not actually from a number, so it wouldn't be stored with other messages from that number.

BoneyBackJefferson · 25/01/2016 21:11

ImperialBlether

I have no idea where it would pop up on my phone, I do know that my phone has forgotten the names of regular contacts on my phone. I'm not saying that this is a spoof text but they are used.

cupcakelovinggirl

I suspect that it is done by the same sort of people that use apps to send fake std appointments etc. or those that think glitter bombs are the jape of the century.