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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I want to believe him

190 replies

icklekid · 23/01/2016 05:22

So yesterday eve I got a very odd text from dh

"Hi babe what flat do I need to buzz? X"

I rang dh immediately and said I was confused about the text he just sent he said he hadn't sent a text and was driving home not far away. I said fine and he said is everything OK? I just told him would talk about it when he got back.

I have 18 month ds and am very early stages of second pregnancy. At the moment I'm struggling to keep any food down and crippled by exhaustion so 2 days of looking after ds (work part time) have been very tough. Anyway I bath ds and get him ready for bed. Dh comes home doesn't say anything about it and puts ds to bed.

I go downstairs and wait for dh -when he comes in I show him the text and say that I don't understand. He says I can see how that would upset you but I promise it wasn't me who sent it. I'm in tears saying that I don't understand how it can't be him!! He has been late back from work every night this week but work is also hell for him at the moment and he's commuting long distances.

Help I don't want to believe he's cheating and he says he would never risk what we have but what other option is there?

OP posts:
CheersMedea · 23/01/2016 15:39

*the matter of fact way

BitOutOfPractice · 23/01/2016 15:56

It really doesn't sound good op. I hope you're ok

Claraoswald36 · 23/01/2016 16:31

I dunno. If he answers straight away and seemed unconcerned I'd keep an open mind and look at his phone. Also if he arrived home the normal time how could he have deviated? What does he do for a living? Need more information

smallfry16 · 23/01/2016 16:36

its most certainly a text to a prostitute. I know through experience. He's lying.

CheersMedea · 23/01/2016 16:38

I dunno. If he answers straight away and seemed unconcerned I'd keep an open mind and look at his phone.

Are you serious?

I read stuff like this and think "this is why there are so many posts here saying "I'm shocked my husband was having an affair, he's just not the type". So many women obviously want to turn a blind eye and pretend it's all ok and believe an obviously preposterous explanation or treat something highly suspicious as "keep an open mind".

This text was calling another person "BABE". As a married man, who do you call babe?!?!? A person you are fucking basically.

PeppermintPasty · 23/01/2016 16:57

My first thought was prostitute too, I'm sorry.

As for a randomly generated or old text, it's strange how these old texts that spring from nowhere never say anything like "I'm fine thanks" or "happy new year". I'm sure people are trying to be kind, but come on.

If it walks like a duck, etc. Sorry icklekid.

smallfry16 · 23/01/2016 17:04

you need to go through his bank and phone records. There you will uncover the truth. He is playing you for a fool.
Hun and Babe and buzzers and flats you know what this means.
Stop being naïve.

NanaNina · 23/01/2016 17:13

OP - you haven't come back. Are you ok?

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 23/01/2016 17:20

He won't tell you the truth. You will have to find the evidence yourself.

ThatsNotMyRabbit · 23/01/2016 17:29

Prostitute. I'd bet anything on it.

CreepingDogFart · 23/01/2016 17:45

OP how are you doing?Flowers

MoominPie22 · 23/01/2016 18:35

If it is a prostitute the text sounds very familiar. I´m no expert but would you really call a sex worker ¨Babe¨"and put a kiss at the end??

Unless it´s someone he´s used on previous occasions....

Just my thoughts and I still hope there´s a rational explanation for you, Ikle. Sad I just thought it sounded over familiar, cocky even. Like this isn´t anything new to him. He sounds confident, doesn´t he?

If it´s true then he´s an utter fuckwit and I wouldn´t wanna go near him with a 10 foot bargepole Angry

Anyone who would do something so devious and hurtful, lying to your face and insulting your intelligence does not deserve someone like you in their life imo. Nobody should be treat like utter dirt while the lying, dirty twat smiles in your face and behaves all innocent..

But he may not be guilty, so I´m just saying......Flowers

CheersMedea · 23/01/2016 19:07

If it is a prostitute the text sounds very familiar. I´m no expert but would you really call a sex worker ¨Babe¨"and put a kiss at the end??

MoominPie22 - did you not read Cabrinha's post about messages to prosititutes?

littleleftie · 23/01/2016 19:18

Yes I agree it's a prostitute, sorry.

Can you get any RL support?

Cabrinha · 23/01/2016 19:21

MoominPie as I said upthread, sadly I am a bit of an expert of messages sent to and from my XH on adultwork to prostitutes.
Almost all of the sex workers call him hun / babe and put 'x'.

Men generally want these women to be approachable and friendly on booking - like a date.

Lots will offer "GFE" - Girlfriend Experience.

So - I have seen LOTS of prostitutes use hun / babe / x. And humans tend to mirror behaviour / communication. Certainly my ex would reply "thanks babe, see you later x".

Men don't, I think, generally want a sordid or entirely business like transaction. Why pay for cold? They pay for women who act like they enjoy the men's company.

I've read too many of their profiles - lots of "I'll make you feel special". Makes sense - even if a man wants no strings paid for sex, he surely usually wants to be flattered a bit and treated warmly?

smallfry16 · 23/01/2016 19:28

MoonminPie you are dangerously wrong. Yes they do put hun and babe. You are ignorantly telling people who know they are wrong. Naively.

smallfry16 · 23/01/2016 19:29

And if he sounds confident its because he's a regular user.

MoominPie22 · 23/01/2016 19:44

Cabrinha No I must have missed your post, sorry....had no idea...

smallfry I´ve no idea how I am ¨dangerously wrong¨ Hmm I think you read my post entirely the wrong way. I was saying that cos he´s got an over familiar and confident tone on his text, this would lead me to believe it is because he is experienced with prostitutes.

I was implying that, yes he sounds like a regular. I really don´t know what is naive about that! Confused

And as stated, I´ve no idea how punters and sex workers generally communicate. I consider myself enlightened now!

But I´m still holding out a bit of hope it´s not true, for the OP´s sake.

AndYourBirdCanSing · 23/01/2016 20:52

How are you doing OP? We are here if you need to talk

TheVeganVagina · 24/01/2016 00:05

Of course you want to believe him.
You are at your most vulnerable right now.
You are right to be highly suspicious though.
I would get a hold of the phone bill for extra assurance.

If you have been having sex with him, please get a sexual health check up for your sake and your unborn babies.

usedagain · 24/01/2016 00:23

This man is a liar and a cheat

duckwalk · 24/01/2016 00:43

LoTeQuiero

"He's cheating. And I imagine it could be because you're pregnant and feeling sick and therefore not giving him the attention he wants."

Really?! Hmm So this is the OPs fault for carrying his baby? Not helpful.

Flowers for you OP.

LoTeQuiero · 24/01/2016 01:40

Jesus duck - I give my opinion the same as anyone else on this thread. In no way did I insinuate it was the OP ' s fault. Please don't make that inference.

TheVeganVagina · 24/01/2016 04:25

Duck, i think she meant that, that is what excuse the ops dp would use. I really dont believe she was blaming her at all.

Original poster
icklekid · 24/01/2016 09:08

Hi sorry OP here dh was happy to let me look through his phone records and last bill shows no odd phone calls or texts. Can't seem to see this month's until 15th so won't know until then. I have told him many times I wold rather know the truth and deal with it than this not knowing what to think but he still denies sending it. I guess I have to wait and see... duck your right I dI'd apologise for being sick and a bad wife but I know it's not my failt

OP posts: