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Original poster

Step inside the dating thread, 95

999 replies

MissPiggySeeksFrogwithGSOH · 19/01/2016 09:44

We don't have get through these at speed....

The Rules

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin
  3. Do no invest emotionally too soon
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens
  5. Trust your gut instinct
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
  7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
  8. If it's not fun- stop
  9. Loo update is mandatory
10. No dating the thread 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches, and take from it what you will
OP posts:
BornToFolk · 01/02/2016 12:15

You're so not going on about it! Communication style is a big part of compatibility. I would be the same - to want/need that closeness, to feel a connection. Have you spoken to him about it at all? Sorry if I've missed that!

Scarftown · 01/02/2016 12:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BornToFolk · 01/02/2016 12:23

Oh yay, Red, that's so nice to hear! Go on with your loved-up self! Grin

314Chart · 01/02/2016 12:24

Handy it was a friendly message and question about my sunday.

NotTodayDear · 01/02/2016 12:52

Hello there - think I will come and join you if it's okay. I was on this thread back in the good old days - had a relationship from OD that didn't work out and recently have been dabbling a bit on PoF again. I am not particularly enthused by the men on there - seems to be a lot more difficult this time round.

RedMapleLeaf · 01/02/2016 13:28

Compatible communication is important, I agree. Have you mentioned to him what you need?

314Chart · 01/02/2016 13:50

I did, a few days ago, was it the thurday before I slept with him, I told him I loved our dates but it went a bit quiet in between them and he acted like it would be NO problem to him to step up the texting in between dates. I know he's at work now, so fair enough, I know how he feels about WORK, but I'm going to text him about ten tonight.

314Chart · 01/02/2016 13:57

Red, I don't know if he can change really. The dates are great though Confused

HandyWoman · 01/02/2016 13:58

Hello NotToday I had a relationship from OLD that lasted 11months. He literally landed in my inbox and was the first guy I ever met up with - lovely guy - really brilliant sex - go figure!!! That ended Sept2015. Been on POF (plus others) since then and been on a number of dates. But recently came off POF as I felt it had run its course for the time being and it was doing my head in! So now doing it at a more sedate pace. Welcome back!

WavingNotDrowning · 01/02/2016 14:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HandyWoman · 01/02/2016 14:46

Just had the most gorgeous looking guy message me on Bumble. Obv he must be some douchebag sitting at the computer at BumbleHQ! But his message was lovely. Although I was mistaken about his location and he's a long way away!!!

Might just meet up with him though to see if he's real!

Red Smile

314Chart · 01/02/2016 14:50

Glad he's communicating waving !! I'd love a bit of that follow up communication. Oh well.

How was your mother's visit?

JollyXmasJumper · 01/02/2016 14:57

Hello all!

Happy to hear you are all loved up Red!! Waving, I hope you have a nice "catch up" with Soho Wink

314 I hear you on the lack of texting.. Frustrating. But if the dates are great and you see each other regularly, maybe he does not feel the need for constant communication? Or does not do innocuous good night/morning texts? All in all it is up to you to see whether you can live with it or not, but I just read that women have a tendency to screw up potential relationships early on by comparing what is happening to the "perfect relationship ideal" we have in mind. To be taken with a pinch of salt, but maybe that could be food for thought? I know that looking back it is one of my many crimes.

Smile

Quick update on my side: MrTheatre is messaging everyday and turns out we have a lot in common. I am still wary of his smug tendencies so will hold off getting involved at all before I can judge for myself in person. MrIKEA is definitely out, the best before second date having expired. I have not blocked him though, so if he ever gets his stuff together he knows where I am. MrFondue-The-Goofball is also out as I am not feeling like trying to get him to move from the casual sex track to the relationship one. Also not blocked, so ball is in his camp to convince me he could be looking for something else than sex. I also owe a couple replies to other irons.

Public call for ghost texters Grin
Now, this week is Popcorn's make or break week. (I feel like a yogi dedicating weeks to potential dates haha). Backstory is we dated for a month before it went sideways with me hellbent on a relationship and him not on the same page. I know I went a little batshit crazy on him as circumstances were tough and I did lose the plot. I told him so and ended it, telling him I would be back in touch when I felt better. I am now much better and curious to see whether there is actually something between Popcorn and I, and resume the dating. I am also very aware and ok with the fact that he may not reply or say he is not interested.

So, I am after a breezy, funny, "emotionally in control" girl text.. Any ideas? Was thinking of using Groundhog day tomorrow for a funny analogy..

314Chart · 01/02/2016 15:28

Jolly, exactly, from his pov, he'd think 'i saw you thursday! and Saturday! and didn't rush off sunday! and he did text me this morning''.

I know he'd be astounded he's falling so far short. I wonder if his previous gfs have just put up with it/got used to it

Will popcorn change his mind? How long's it been since you were in touch?

JollyXmasJumper · 01/02/2016 15:58

Yes 314 he may very well be thinking like that. Not playing shrink but why are you bothered by the low texting? Perhaps it worth trying to sort what relates to a lack of communication for a healthy relationship and what may just be insecurity/idealization talking? I think it is fair point from "Catch him and keep him" - which is a terrible book by all other accounts (not worth buying -Google).

Re Popcorn, I ended it a couple days before Xmas and he last sent a merry Xmas text on the 25th. So hard to think of that getting back in touch text! All I come up with is awkward and apologetic when I would like it to be sassy and easy going. Aargh.

RedMapleLeaf · 01/02/2016 16:37

Jolly I seriously can't think of anything useful to say regarding your request. Sad I'm rubbish at that kind of thing.

WavingNotDrowning · 01/02/2016 16:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HandyWoman · 01/02/2016 16:57

Hmm Jolly I think I'd wait until I could think of something spectacularly witty to say never then I would get frustrated and come up with something decidedly lame Grin I'm basically no help whatsoever.

waving Soho was a 'message every three days' person in the UK wasn't he? Or did I dream that? I think I would find it tricky even in a dating scenario. Even though my head tells me I shouldn't.

sunflowerblue · 01/02/2016 17:27

I had a lovely date! That's quite scary actually, it's almost easier when you don't like them. I'm just worried he's not ready for a relationship yet. I'm in no hurry to move someone in and all that stuff! Just wary of falling for someone who's likely to get overwhelmed and panic. We've spoken since the date though, and he's keen to meet again

BatshitCrazyWoman · 01/02/2016 17:41

sunflower that's great, just enjoy it.

I'm interested in this messaging thing - when I'm at work, my phone is on silent in my handbag, locked in a drawer and I am quite often one or two floors away from it. So I couldn't text much throughout the day (should either of my irons ever result in anything at all more than one date). I often text/email on my commute to and from work, and occasionally at lunchtime. Perhaps it's similar for these men?

Scarftown · 01/02/2016 17:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BornToFolk · 01/02/2016 17:46

Aw, yay, Sunflower, that's great! Smile What makes you think he's not ready for a relationship though?

Ha, Waving "Hey, how are you?" was going to be my message to MrEloquent, if I ever decide that it would be a good idea to message...

Would that work for Popcorn, Jolly? It's short, breezy and not to try hard. And easy to respond to...

HandyWoman · 01/02/2016 17:50

Ok so MrIT has just seriously pissed me off.

He messaged me yesterday through the app asking if I was free. I said not. All good. Then we spoke on the phone (he called unsolicited after I requested to move to Whatsapp) and I explained my setup and that I'm away on Friday and the dc are not going to their dad on their normal day (tues) so I'm not around much this week.

He just sent a message how's your day type message. All well and good but he followed it up with a 'around later? Too forward?' Message. And now I'm pissed off. It's reminiscent of MrAmnesia/alcoholic/weirdo who could not remember the content of our phone conversations. I text him back saying do you remember what my set up is, that I love with my kids and am not around much this week and are you after a hookup..... I thought I should just get it out of the way.

AngryAngryAngry

We'll see....

sunflowerblue · 01/02/2016 17:53

His marriage ended a year ago, I think he's still getting used to being single, living alone, all of that stuff. For some people a year is long enough, but he said himself his had already raced forward, thinking how would it work? Where would we live together? What about the kids? All the stuff you sort of think, but then decide none of that matters til much further down the line anyway! I think it's all very new to him, and I'm just so used to men getting carried away, saying they want babies, marriage (none of which I'm pushing for, I'm just looking for 'happy' in whatever form it takes) then freaking themselves out with it all, and ending it!

sunflowerblue · 01/02/2016 17:57

How much to message.... Well I try and not get too distracted with it. If I get on with someone we might be messaging throughout the day, but I might disappear for a few hours, so might they. Some days I might not have chance til the evening. I try not to make too big a space in my life for the texting. It's a balance isn't it? Keeping your life going as usual, and also the possibility of fitting someone new into that.