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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Aibu to be upset and shocked by this??

270 replies

livingtowork · 09/01/2016 22:11

I'm staying at my boyfriend of 4 years and I've come on, I usually have more stuff with me but I wasn't expecting it until Monday so when he said he was popping to the shop to get sweets for his kids I asked if he could get me some tampons - he said he's never bought them in his life and never would - even for me!!! Its a crap area so he'd rather me walk myself to go and get them, his 12 yr old daughter said she would go with me but ffs, its tampons and this is the 21st century - I feel so sorry for his 2 daughters (although I am sure he would go and get what they needed!!) Feel like shit right now with a was of bog roll in my pants!!!! :-( :-(:-(

OP posts:
LaContessaDiPlump · 09/01/2016 23:36

You know he's being a twat, right, op?

In the interests of fairness, here is how the men in my life would respond to such a request in your situation:

DH - would look at me like Hmm a bit if he was snugly settled on the sofa but would heave a sigh and go get them (perhaps with some grumbling about being prepared next time)

DF - would probably want to die of embarrassment as he's an oldish Arab man but would still care enough about me to go out (might insist I accompanied him tbf)

DGF - would pretend not to understand the request and wander off humming

DS1 & 2 - 'I MAKE YOU A LITTLE NAPPY MUMMY, YOU NO WORRY' Grin

Seriously though, twatarama.

PreAdvent13610 · 09/01/2016 23:36

Does he still want sex?

CharmingChampignon · 09/01/2016 23:37

Poor you op Sad What a rubbish way to see someone in a new light.

My dad, brother, boyfriends and DH have never ever had an issue. DH has also bought canestan, anusol, painkillers, heat pads and picked up prescriptions for the pill, thrush treatment and tranexamic acid for me. I think it was my dbro who ordered a fanjo ice lack for me in his amazon prime account following my second degree tear with dc1....

Real men do what they can to support and help those they love.

shihtzumamma · 09/01/2016 23:39

What an arse. Run for the hills.

WilLiAmHerschel · 09/01/2016 23:40

I need to use this next time. DH buy me chocolate, my vagina is spewing blood grin.

That made me laugh u2! If I drank tea I think I would have done the mn classic of spitting it all over my keyboard...well phone.

Oh and milk, your dad sounds great.... Hmm

Christinayangstwistedsista · 09/01/2016 23:40

I hope he gets a serious case of the shitters and runs out of toilet roll

AnyFucker · 09/01/2016 23:41

christina Grin

FeedMyFaceWithJaffaCakes · 09/01/2016 23:41

Christina you sound like a real sweetheart!
Stomas can be real buggers, and the bags can be tricky to cut and the sticky bits v. Sticky !!Hope your DH is feeling well ThanksBrew

badg3r · 09/01/2016 23:44

Tell him not to bother then but can you borrow a pair of his boxers to sleep in cos your pants are ruined?
Ironically, he's the one who sounds like a fanny.

AnyFucker · 09/01/2016 23:46

I would bleed all over his cream bathroom towels

SirBoobAlot · 09/01/2016 23:46

He was going to the shop but saw your request as inconvenient so wanted you to go separately.

He is angry at you for something your body naturally does.

He gave you shit for asking him to do one thing for you.

And now he's getting pissy about you laughing.

You know this about way more than some tampons, don't you, OP?

Sod your BIL, text him and say you're coming home, get a taxi, go back, and don't deal with this creature again.

Christinayangstwistedsista · 09/01/2016 23:51

Feed

He's fine thanks, he handled it a lot better than I would have

Fairiesarereal · 09/01/2016 23:52

Agree with SirBoobAlot - his behaviour and attitude are totally disrespectful.

lorelei9 · 09/01/2016 23:54

OP, time to bin him
No excuse for him
Feel sorry for his daughters
You say it's a crap relationship anyway....don't get into another one. Life can be nice you know, I think sometimes people forget that when in crap relationships.

SarcasticAndRabidAngryHarpy · 09/01/2016 23:58

DH is a huge bear of a man, ex army-sergeant and a real bloke. DH has no problem whatsoever in picking up towels, tampons, thrush cream, tena since the DDs, etc.-- It's not like anyone is going to think he's buying tampons for himself (maybe for extreme nosebleeds?).

He's just shown himself to be an idiot. Tell him he needs to get a grip if he has daughters and then leave (maybe tell the girls they'll need Mumsnet in the future if they want advice about anything biological).

Original poster
livingtowork · 10/01/2016 00:05

I feel sorry for his daughters too :( There's so much more going on but it's way too long and Jeremy Kyle to go in to, this incident tonight just struck a real nerve - he's asleep now, he is abusive but not physically so i'm just going to get some sleep and get the hell out of here tomorrow and block his number, I just can't do this anymore.

OP posts:
HeffalumpTrap · 10/01/2016 00:08

Big hug, OP. We're all here if you need us. Before you leave give those girls a big squeeze from me too please.

Skzr1214 · 10/01/2016 00:13

That would be the door for DH(he is the one who gets them for me constantly as I don't get the brand I use in nearby shop so he goes or we go together when doing grocery etc).

KissMyFatArse · 10/01/2016 00:14

Living - good luck I hope you do do what you're saying you will. He sounds like a total bellend and immature selfish twat. There's better for you than that Flowers

Hillfarmer · 10/01/2016 00:16

Well done OP. Glad you're getting the hell out of this tomorrow. That one non-act of his has been the tipping point. And it's a really good one. How lucky is that - you could have been stuck with him for months or years longer if you'd never asked him to get you some tampons by the by. It is amazing though,that a thread about tampons has thrown up all this stuff, and exposed your BF entirely for the prick he is.

All the nice stories about proper men have cheered me up though. Maybe that should be a new thing - 'Real men buy tampons'. Certainly should go on the MN list of red flags if they won't.

Makes me think of the stupid arses who put VAT on sanitary products. Yeah, luxury items! Was it Bridget Christie who suggested sending your period pants to George Osbourne? Your thread makes me even more tempted to do so!

Best of luck OP.

Quornmakesmefart · 10/01/2016 00:20

Ok, a few random points...

op sorry you're having a shit time with your soon to be ex... Roll on tomorrow Flowers

milk I think you're making it up as you go along, in the nicest possible way Smile

Some others of you - can we please drop all the 'what makes someone a maaaan bollocks please. A penis makes someone a man, that's all.

Am I the only one who has never asked my dad to buy my sanitary products? Not for any reason, just that the need never arose.

And finally I'm surprised you're 50 AF - you look younger Wine

LapsedPacifist · 10/01/2016 00:24

I would bleed all over his cream bathroom towels Grin Grin

Seriously OP, this is horrible misogynistic shit. Humiliating you just for being a woman with a functioning fanjo. Good luck for tomorrow.

ohtheholidays · 10/01/2016 00:40

That's not a great attitude to have.

My Dad was amazing,he'd go and get my towels for me,I was 13(I started when I was 11 but at 13 they became really bad)and my Dad was in his 50's,this was 27 years ago and when I was having a really rough time he'd make me up a bed on the sofa,he'd make me a hot water bottle and some sweet tea.

My Dad's 80 now and he'd still do the same,I think if a man of that many years can do it there's no real excuse for the younger men.

Aspergallus · 10/01/2016 00:41

Sometimes the calls for LTB on my are a bit reactionary. I'm not sure it is so reactionary in this instance. There's something to think about when a partner won't assist in your time of need like this. In fact it's one of those little tests I like to get out of the way early in a relationship just to confirm whether they are a semi decent human being or not. It can be quite predictive.

My lovely DH (second time lucky) is a man who'll be told to get me sanpro, with full instruction like "no wings and none of that scented Always crap, and something heavier for night-time too" and the worst that happens is he brings home half the sanpro shelf as he doesn't want to disappoint.

And Milk, it's not that people think your dad sounds like an arsehole, it's that you have made him sound like an arsehole with your vaguely threatening comments about how he'd respond.

Bogeyface · 10/01/2016 00:59

My grandfather was a "Real Man".

Why? Because when my grandma became disabled in her late 30's he not only bought her sanitary protection, he changed it for her, cleaned her up if she flooded and also dealt with her continence issues.

That is a real man in case anyone is confused.

OP, bin this one off.