Married and can't stop thinking about someone else - advice please....

[AdvicePlease99]

I've been with my wife for over 15 years and we have a young family. I changed jobs in 2015 and a friendship grew with a colleague who works for another company. I have very regular work contact with her (meetings/emails/phone) and she's single.

We recently discussed that we fancy each other and we've had multiple conversations about it since. Nothing at all has happened physically.

The attraction has happened over a period of time - we get on really well, have plenty in common and it's clear there's a connection there. My wife knows somethings up and thinks it's work stress, but the truth is I'm finding it hard to think about anything else. I know it's something that will pass, but I'm struggling concentrating on anything other than thinking about her at the moment.

From the outside looking in I know I shouldn't go anywhere near a relationship with her, but that doesn't stop me wanting it so much. I know I need to concentrate on my family and try and forget about her.

So - my question is - nothings happened apart from us knowing that we like each other and probably some form of emotional affair in that we've discussed things with each other we probably shouldn't. I know we'll stay good friends for a long time. How do I stop the romantic attraction and constant thinking about her?

I have been on receiving end of this but didn't find out for 11 years when I came across 'writings and recordings he had made' about this young woman who worked for us. Of course in his head it's long gone but to me it's 'news' and he is now finding that I am a very angry person as I was lied to over a considerable length of time and he never severed contact until now. It's lies and secrets that kill feelings and marriages OP. I think my H just enjoyed the buzz with someone nice, pretty, young, with no baggage and it boosted his ego. Cut it now or face the fact if your wife finds find out she may well not see it in a forgiving manner and you could lose it all, depends if that matters. YOU could easily feel the same a year down the line with someone else because when you get addicted to that buzz it's like heroin, you need to keep repeating it to get the same buzz

Oh would LOVE to know how this panned out. Wonder how long it took before it was a full blown affair!?

Huh... you're deluding yourself.

You have poor boundaries and a lack of respect for your wife and investment in your marriage. That's why this whole thing happened and it is why it is still happening.

It is selfish. You kid yourself that you are wanting the best for your family and for the OW but you haven't taken any action at all to actually achieve that. You encouraged the OW in the first place by having crappy boundaries, you failed to stop contact, you made empty gestures to your wife to cover up your bad behaviour, all the while continuing your obsession with OW.

You don't really care about anyone but yourself TBH.

Crap zombie thread!!!

I recently saw my dh had been emailing someone at work until very late at night.
I am truly hurt that the time I was waiting for him to come to bed he was liasing with someone else.
I hope this helps put things into perspective

Oops is it a zombie thread must check In future

ZOMBIE
ZOMBIE
ZOMBIE
ZOMBIE
ZOMBIE

Wow
I’m exactly in the same boat
The only thing that differentiates our predicaments is that her and I have not had the talk yet - but that has been my intention to avoid that talk so that things do not accelerate.
Having said that we both know what feelings we have for each other and always imply
So yes I too feel I am definitely in an emotional affair and cheating emotionally on my wife

It’s an asshole of a thing to say I love my wife I love my kids - I love my business and I do t want to lose them
But I have feelings for her too and I can’t deal with the emotional torment

Can't believe that eleven months later, someone has resurrected this zombie thread again, even with me doing the usual

ZOMBIE
ZOMBIE
ZOMBIE
ZOMBIE
ZOMBIE to make them realise

Seriously ???
Do you not have anything constructive to write
It does not need to be in support of me
But - zombie, is your best contribution???

ZOMBIE = Zombie Thread, a thread that is not a current problem, but where someone has, for some strange reason, dug up a thread from a year or more ago and commented on it. You should just start your own thread, not hijack someone else's, but especially not one that is dead and buried.

What ending up happening with you?

LIMERENCE

Probably had an affair with her, let her develop
feelings after being told his marriage was over. let her give him a b.j then felt guilty and felt like a shit after thinking about his children and his wife at home. Went cold on her for a while then said sorry. I really want you... but I know I can't do this anymore. Left her a mess, but she couldn't tell anyone cos in reality she's a shit too. But you know ... feelings. Then he went back to his wife, posted about fathers day and what amazing presents his wife and kids got him. While she was left feeling like shit... something like that Probably.

Keep your distance and do not have any flirty conversations.

You won't be the first or last to be attracted to someone else while your married it's what you do or don't do about it that counts