found husband on gay website

[emandems]

found through my husbands email he was on a gay website gaydar. he said he isnt gay but why on a dating site? he said he didnt know if he was?
he said he got abused as a kid in public toilet so he just wanted to make sure he wasnt gay, but dont know if he telling truth. im soo sad

Ok now I'm wasted. I'm going to go to bed, and listen to Jess Glynne and Adele. I'll probably cry and think about loves past and dab my eyes with aldi loo roll. Then most likely fall out of the en suite, tripping over the knickers I forgot were round me ankles. Power girls.

Christina I'm not going to argue, but this is Harvey typing now. It's over. I'm with Dont and it's true love because she has LOTS of blue folders to slap down on desks (coz that's what I do best).

I'm going g to set Donna on you

^^ see told you we are together, he's borrowing my iPad. Now we're off to bed. Night night.

How do you know the abuse 'excuse' isn't true?
I really don't think you should be too quick to dismiss that.

BlondeOnATreadmill
You spoke about your DP potentially coming out as gay or bisexual. I tried to deconstruct your response to tell you why it was homophobic. Your follow up question asks just about gay men. I've never said that you should stay married to a gay man, because clearly the two are incompatible and there are different issues there than believing your DP couldn't be 'macho' just because he was bisexual.

noeffingidea
It might mean you have a problem. Either you have a problem because:
You think that your partner is going to cheat on you because they're bisexual. That idea is founded on the belief that bisexual people inherently cheat more than straight people. Otherwise you would be worried about cheating from a straight husband.
Or, you believe that a bisexual is less worthy of your affection than a straight man. Self evident.
Or you believe that your DP shouldn't keep secrets. If you were to take the view that no secrets should ever be kept, then this might be defensible. I doubt you would think of separation for similar difficult and sometimes distressing secrets.
If there are any others that I haven't thought of straight away, I am sure we can deal with them too.

Wow. Here's a thread derail if ever I saw one. Not ok at all.

OP. Please read fairenuffs post @ 19.58 last night.
You must be a in a lot of shock but please do come back and get support here.
Appears from PP (myself included) that you're not alone in this happening. Whatever you decide, we are here to handhold.

Noeffingidea of course you can leave your DP for any reason. It wouldn't be illegal. It also wouldn't stop you being a biphobic twat.

Gay people choose to be gay
I love his big macho persona
A) Stay with him, even though he's gay and you'll be sex starved for the next 40 years Or

Time for your next name change, Blonde? I for one and probably several other posters have heard all this before.

If the only reason for not being in a relationship with someone is because they're bisexual, then that is classic biphobia! Both gay and straight people are biphobic. There's something to read here about it.
Refusing to marry someone based purely on their race is certainly racist as well, yes.

Don't flame me here.....but this is to you Anyfucker. Are you the original AF? I always thought you were bang on the money, straight talking, funny and most importantly authentic. Then you 'disappeared' for a while much to my, and many others, disappointment. I was so pleased to see your eventual return but.......something has changed. You re not who you once were? Your posts seem less insightful, more goady even, certainly not in the same league as before. Is it really you???

And to the OP sorry to 'derail' slightly. Listen to all the useful advice from pp's. Sorry your DP has given you so much grief. My ex H was also having affairs behind my back. Such a dreadful time when you uncover the truth but when you know then you can make informed choices about what to do next. Good luck OP

I love the notion that noeffinidea has that no one except a bigot themself can decide if they are racist/transphobic/biphobic/homophobic.

I'm not quite sure that is how it works but I'm sure bigots across the world are nodding in agreement.

FWIW I think this thread has gone to a very unpleasant and homophobic place. Of course a big macho man can be attracted to men and a bisexual man can have meaningful relationships with women. And it is very sad that the advice the OP has received has been so heavily tinged with bigotry.

Really claudia? Well, I like to do a little research so I looked up 'biphobia definition' .Didn't notice any requirement to date or be in a relationship with. It would appear individuals are still allowed to have a preference as to who they share their bodies and lives with, based on whatever they fancy really. So you stick to your definition and I'll stick to mine.

Definition from Google: Biphobia is aversion toward bisexuality and bisexual people as a social group or as individuals. People of any sexual orientation can experience or perpetuate such feelings of aversion. Biphobia is a source of discrimination against bisexual people, and may be based on negative bisexual stereotypes or irrational fear.

You have an aversion to relationships with bisexual people as a demographic. That's biphobic. I deeply suspect that it is based on negative bisexual stereotypes.

Not wanting to date someone doesn't = aversion to. It just means you don't want to date them.
When you say 'you' , I wasn't actually talking about myself.

It's perfectly normal and expected for some hetrosexuals to want only to have sex with another hetrosexual, as it for homosexuals or bisexuals to only date people of their own orientation, if that is what they feel comfortable or in tune with or matches their own sexuality.
We don't have sex or relationships with people to be nice or non bigoted or non discriminatory. We have sex with the person we want to , the person we connect with. Everyone has 'preferences'. Not having a preference doesn't mean an aversion to.

Jeez. I'm just going to say this.

Would all of you on your bickering spree go and spin up another thread and sod off on this one!!!
FFS! What is the matter with you all??

Have you forgotten that this is started by a married person with children who has found out something that has bought her whole world crashing down around her. If this was me 6 months ago and this was my thread I would be sobbing in a corner somewhere in RL.

Take your petty fucking arguments elsewhere and let the rest of us focus on handholding this poor OP. If she ever comes back.

Oh and I would also think you were all a bunch of self centred wankers as opposed to a supportive collective. (Which is what I assumed the relationships board was)

Start another thread. Preferably on AIBU. And debate to your hearts content.

Your right toosassy ,I'm going to ask mumsnet to delete my posts. I feel ashamed of myself.
Deeply sorry, OP. Hope it works out for you

Came to see how OP doing. Poor woman having pages taken over with this.
Emandem please post again in new thread and tell us how yore doing this weekend. You must be feeling awful. Not all threads end up like this. Come back for support from people who will want to help you.