found husband on gay website

[emandems]

found through my husbands email he was on a gay website gaydar. he said he isnt gay but why on a dating site? he said he didnt know if he was?
he said he got abused as a kid in public toilet so he just wanted to make sure he wasnt gay, but dont know if he telling truth. im soo sad

[loveyoutothemoon]

Yep he's either had past gay experiences or at least he's wanting to as he registered, sorry.

[mum2mum99]

He is gay. Or he is in denial or questioning.
As a bisexual lady I will say that no one can satisfy 100% of your needs. However, can he live without it?
can he choose to be with one person that won't clearly satisfy 100% of his needs?
Where would you fit in this?

[BlondeOnATreadmill]

claudiawankleman Ah, yes, of course. If a woman doesn't want her DH to be Gay or Bi, then naturally she is homophobic. But, what if I don't fancy short men? Gasp, I'm "shortist". Or what if I don't fancy blondes? Help, I'm "blondist"!

So, you're saying then, that if your DH sat you down tonight and told you that he was Gay, and that from now on there's no more sex between you, you'd just suck it up, because, after all, to divorce him would make you Homophobic, right?

Grow up. And allow people to have their preferences. Gay people choose to be Gay. Are they "straightist"? I choose to prefer heterosexual men. My choice. Stop ramming it down people's throats.

[AnyFucker]

Gay people choose to be Gay

what ?

[Shutthatdoor]

Gay people choose to be Gay



No they don't

[Funinthesun15]

Gay people choose to be Gay

You actually think it is a 'choice'

[Robotgirl]

Gay people choose to be Gay???!!!
What the actual FUCK?

[mum2mum99]

BlondeOnATreadmill When did you choose to be straight?

[BlondeOnATreadmill]

Oh blimey. You know what I mean. Sorry if I was in a rush, and didn't phrase it to your liking. So, I guess I didn't choose to be straight. Or to like straight men. But no mention of that, right? My point was, it doesn't make you homophobic, just because you don't want your DH to be Gay. Sigh.

And would the PP I mentioned be homophobic in the circs I outlined? No answer to that either.

[BlondeOnATreadmill]

Here's the bandwagon everyone >>>> jump on it. Exhausting.

[Atenco]

Just wanted to point out, that if he abused by men when he was younger, these men were not gay, they were either rapists or paedophiles.

Do get yourself checked for STDs, OP.

As for married men who have sex with gay men, a friend is a leading light in the fight against AIDS here in Mexico, where most AIDS is sexually transmitted, and they could not get the figures down with their advertising for gays to use condoms, until they realised what the problem was and they changed it to men who have sex with men... Result!

[QuiteIrregular]

I don't think it was your suggestion that straight people have sex with straight people, but rather the suggestion that being macho and manly is only possible for heterosexual men...

[AnyFucker]

There is no bandwagon. There is several people, all with no connection to each other than being on the internet at roughly the same time, objecting to your ideology about people who "choose" to be gay.

[BitOutOfPractice]

I think *blonde was trying to say that gay people are gay, and it is OK for a hetrosexual woman to not want to be married to a gay man without being a homophobe. She explained that she typed in a rush and was trying to defend the OP against the PP who told the OP that if she divorced her DH becuase it turns out that he's gay then she's homophobic

[BitOutOfPractice]

I'm going to type that again: I think blonde was trying to say that it is perfectly OK to be gay (obv) but that it is also OK for a hetrosexual woman to not want to be married to a man who turns out to be gay without that making her a homophobe. She explained that she typed in a rush and was trying to defend the OP against the PP who told the OP that if she divorced her DH becuase it turns out that he's gay (despite never mentioning it before) then she's homophobic

[LookAtMeGo]

I get what blonde was trying to say too.

[AnyFucker]

I also get what she was trying to say but the language we use and the phraseology we employ is very important.

Asserting that people "choose" to be gay implies they can also choose not to be. Which in my opinion has caused an awful lot of unhappiness among people who have struggled with their sexuality.

[BitOutOfPractice]

I know AF but blondedid realise that very quickly and try and explain what had happened. We can't all be erudite all the time eh?

Anyway, she was actually trying to support the OP. Which was the point of the thread wasn't it?

I am the peacemaker today - I have no idea as I'm in a murderous mood

[QuiteIrregular]

But that's not actually the first bit that people thought was homophobic, was it? That was her declaration that she couldn't have sex with a man who'd had sex with other men because she only likes manly men.

[TooSassy]

OP are you ok?

[AnyFucker]

Nothing wrong with being peacemaker

It would have been enough for blond to leave it at "shit, that was crap wording, let me try again" but she had to go for the petulant "you are all bullying vipers" shtick

Bad form

[Pannacott]

I do think it's perfectly OK to not want to be in a relationship with a man who wants to have sex with men! Like I don't want to be in a relationship with a man who goes mountain climbing, or likes swinging, or antiquing. Well, swinging I could probably get on board with, but not the other two.

[BitOutOfPractice]

Quite that's the bit everyone picked up on straight away though isn't it?

Anyway, I can Koffi Annan no more! I'm sure blonde can defend herself if she wishes.

So, back to the OP. Are you OK OP? Have you spoken to your DH any more?

[Dallasty]

Hi OP. Agree with other regarding the abuse aspect. Just either minimising and or lying.

Gaydar also has a paid subscription to access many "benefits" that unpaid don't get to access. If your partner has subscribed, you will be able to check his credit card to see just how long he has been a fully paid up cheater. Also given his nametag "W**K", it may suggest he's fully comfortable and settled in, in terms of being a member. I am a member of Gaydar myself, and many "newcomers" so to speak, use less strong nametags due to naivety and general newness. Names such as "first timer" / "newbie" etc.

You state that he said he wanted to go on to see if men did fancy him and if he looked gay so he can make sense why that man did that to him. This is complete bullshit and non- sensical. He's lying and he's guilty of a lot more than just looking.

Good luck OP.

[redbinneo]

This thread is a good example of why we shouldn't go through or DHs email or texts.
Anymore than we would find it acceptable if they did that to us.