found husband on gay website

[emandems]

found through my husbands email he was on a gay website gaydar. he said he isnt gay but why on a dating site? he said he didnt know if he was?
he said he got abused as a kid in public toilet so he just wanted to make sure he wasnt gay, but dont know if he telling truth. im soo sad

You would rather stay completely oblivious, Red ?

Yes red that's the real crux of the thread isn't it? The real issue. The really poor behaviour

Seriously red?

You'd rather not know your partner was looking for sex with strangers online?

red really? Bonkers reasoning.

Why do you say you "can't be a single mum?" millions of us manage it.

He is clearly looking for gay hook ups. I also have gay/bi friends who say gaydar is full of men who are married to women and have a family.

Agree with advice to get STD check as soon as possible.

Fair point - didn't mean to be argumentative.

Red

The difference is, if he had read hers, he wouldn't have found her on gaydar! Which, after all, is the real problem

RED....do you have something to hide maybe? Very odd reasoning.

BlondeOnATreadmill
If your DP sat down and told you he was bisexual, and you left him for it, then yes, you have a huge problem.
There is no logical reason to leave him in that situation.

I did not choose to be gay, you chose to be ignorant.

OP I'm guessing that you might be feeling a bit overwhelmed at the moment and also possibly in shock.

You don't have to make any decisions right now, you don't have to do anything at all. Just take some time whilst it sinks in. Look after yourself, make sure you are eating ok and come back to talk it over when you're ready.

There is a lot of support and fantastic advice here and we can help you through this. As you say, it's difficult to speak to people in real life sometimes but there will always be someone here to listen to your concerns.

FWIW when you are ready you absolutely can ask him to leave if that is what you want.

ClaudiaWankleman

I left my ex husband (or soon to be) for several reasons. None of them were that he is bisexual. The main one was that I found him on hook-up sites on several occasions during the several years we were married. Another was that I found emails to one particular gentleman that I thought was his long term friend that turned out to be his lover. Frankly I don't think it is wrong to leave someone for that.

If I had found emails containing the sexually explicit language and pictures between him and a woman I would have done the same thing.

For me the bisexual aspect is irrelevant. As I am sure it is for the OP in reality.

bitoutofpractice Thank you. I may not have worded it perfectly. I do think people are looking for anything to pick at sometimes!

As for Anyfucker saying: "I also get what she was trying to say but the language we use and the phraseology we employ is very important" Yes, maybe, in a parallel universe, where we can all spend all day on MN! Sadly AF, we don't all have that luxury.

I typed a hasty response to the Op, trying to reassure that she could leave her DH, if him being Gay/Bi made her uncomfortable, without her being homophobic, as Claudia had suggested.

And claudia still hasn't answered my question. Interesting. I will ask again caludia....you marry your straight DH. After a few years he tells you he's Gay. The question is this: Do you

A) Stay with him, even though he's gay and you'll be sex starved for the next 40 years Or

B) Leave Him

Remember now, if you leave him, you'll be homophobic and people will hurl the abuse at you that Financialwizard has had.

btw Financialwizard well done you! Strong lady!

noeffingidea Well said. Sense at last. x

Blonde, please could you link the posts I have been making "all day" on MN ?

Yes, maybe, in a parallel universe, where we can all spend all day on MN

What does that mean?

Thinking before you post has nothing to do with how much time you spend posting

You are coming across as petulant and childish, Blonde

I was one of half a dozen or so people who took issue with what you wrote. Are they all losers who spend "all day" on the internet perfecting their phraseology too ?

Er. AF you are on MN every single day. Nothing wrong with that, if you have the time. But those of us with families and jobs don't have that time to devote.

Ergo, to berate someone because they posted quickly, because they simply don't have the time to go over "the language we use and the phraseology we employ" is being a bit mean.

Anyway, I don't want to derail from the OP. I gave my opinion. She can take from it what she will. It doesn't need your Queen Bee approval.

Blonde, you said "all day"

Lots of people come on MN every day/most days. Do none of those people have no families and no jobs ?

It seems you really do write before you think, in more ways than one. I expect you are pissing a few more people off every time you post.

Blonde....yet the only part of your post that was unattractive, was the gays have a choice...rather convenient. Seems that this is the only part of your "hurried" post was an apparent mistake. You clearly had plenty of time for the rest of your post.

I have a job and family but still manage to selflessly devote myself to mn ,there are just such a lot of arses making compkete twats of themselves that I am scared I miss something

I'm on here most days and I have a family and a job.

What is your point really Blonde?

If you just made a mistake, acknowledge it gracefully and move on. Don't try to defend it if you agree it was a mistake.

another regular poster with a family and a FT job. I'm a single parent too - do I get bonus points?

Lovely

for your slavish devotion to mn

I would explain here why I took such exception to the idea that being gay is a "choice".

But.. nah.