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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Overheard Sil talking about me, devastated

236 replies

cocochanel21 · 02/01/2016 21:00

This is my first time posting I really need some advice. Background I've been with my DH for 10 yrs married for 6. We both had DCS from previous relationships as we both were teenagers when we had DCS having a child together was never on the cards we were both happy with our lives.
Last year I fell pregnant, we were shocked after much soul searching and tears (me) We decided to continue with the pregnancy.
When I was 7 mths pregnant my DD1died suddenly i was devastated and the last 2mths of my pregnancy were horrendous i felt completely numb and just wanted to be with my DD.
My gorgeous DD2 arrived 5weeks ago i fell in love with her the minute i set eyes on her. I'm still Greiving and have bad days but I'm trying to get on with things.
Yesterday my 2Sils and a friend came for lunch i was upstairs feeding the baby when I came down they were in the kitchen talking about me and DD1. SIL was saying that i looked terrible and she didn't understand as DD had been a total nightmare and she was glad her brother didn't need to put up with all the trouble she had caused anymore. The other 2 never pulled her up.
I somehow managed to get through lunch then made excuses to get rid of them. I spent the rest of the day in tears and I've spent today wanting to go to her door and tell her I heard what she said.
I miss my DD1 so much and don't understand why somebody can be so cruel.I feel such a failure as a mum and my gorgeous LO is stuck with me.

OP posts:
Original poster
cocochanel21 · 02/01/2016 22:11

Thank you all for your kind replies. I think I'm in shock as I can't stop crying. My sil has form for being nasty but I'm actually more upset about the other 2 not saying anything. My friend texted today to ask if I wanted to meet up I ignored it. My DH is away on business till Wednesday I'm dreading telling him as he doesn't have a lot of time for his sister and it's the baby's christening next week he'll probably tell the 3 of them to fuck off and not to come. I just really miss her right now Thank you for listening to me xx

OP posts:
Twinklestar2 · 02/01/2016 22:13

That is awful, what a terrible, horrible thing to say.

WitchWay · 02/01/2016 22:15

Don't dread telling him FFS - tell him & let him tell them to fuck off!! Angry

Chillyegg · 02/01/2016 22:15

Your sil just sounds like one of life's horrendous cunt bags. What an awful awful thing to say! I'd of dragged the cow from my house.
I'm sorry for your loss and your shit head sil!
If there was ever a reason to rip someone a new one then that was it!never Speke to the lot of them again and I'd be a spiteful cow and tell and sundry why your going NC!

AlanPacino · 02/01/2016 22:17

Coco I get what you mean about the other two saying nothing but I'm wondering how young they are, not that that makes it okay but I know as a person I found it really hard to pull people up on unreasonable stuff even until I was in my early thirties. You said your dp doesn't get on well with this particular sister so I doubt he'll mind if you have v infrequent contact

expatinscotland · 02/01/2016 22:18

Tell your DH now.

regenerationfez · 02/01/2016 22:19

Make sure they know that you know what they did. Let your DH tell them to fuck off. Then let him tell anyone who asks what they all did. Nasty bitches and bullies GT away with it because they are not confronted with their own ugliness.

wannaBe · 02/01/2016 22:19

The thing is, there's no way to pull someone up on a comment like that in the house of the person they're talking about without making a scene really is there? And given none of them knew you could hear them they couldn't risk any kind of confrontation in case you walked in and wanted to know what it was about. What would they have said then?

So you just need to say to your friend "I heard what SIL said the other day," to gage her actual reaction.

You have no idea what might have been said after they left the house. No-one was going to tell you any of it so you need to judge what was said, I.e. By SIL, and not what wasn't said by friend.

AccordingtoMe · 02/01/2016 22:22

The other two may well have have been shocked into silence, they might be kicking themselves now for not saying anything

You don't need to care about that right now, hand over the reins to your dh and let him tell them to fuck off if that's what he thinks is the right thing to do.

All the best to you coco you don't need that crap in your life at all x

Bogeyface · 02/01/2016 22:23

Do you think that perhaps the reason your friend wants to meet is to tell you about what SIL said? It could be that they didnt want to cause a scene so didnt pull her up on it at the time, but wanted to tell you afterwards. Could you text and say that you heard what SIL said and that you are hurt that they didnt say anything to her, and see what their reaction is?

Let your DH deal with his sister, fwiw I wouldnt want that toxic bitch at a ceremony to celebrate my new child, so I wouldnt blame him for fucking her off.

DoreenLethal · 02/01/2016 22:24

That is possibly the worst thing i have read on here. What a cunt.

WitchWay · 02/01/2016 22:24

that's true Bogey - she might want to let you know what SIL said

Bogeyface · 02/01/2016 22:24

Congratulations on your little girl btw, and I am so sorry for your loss of DD1 Flowers

BifsWif · 02/01/2016 22:25

Im so very sorry for your loss. 5 weeks is no time at all, and having just gone through Christmas too. What a heartless, heartless bitch.

Please pull them up on this, maybe not now and maybe ask your DH to do it but you should never have to face them again.

I suffered a sudden and traumatic bereavement when I was 8 weeks pregnant and I was on my knees. To lose a child while heavily pregnant and have the demands of a newborn and all the emotions they bring - well, I have no words. Please be kind to yourself OP, and use us if you need to talk/cry/scream Flowers

CFSsucks · 02/01/2016 22:26

I don't know how you didn't tell her to get the fuck out then and there tbh.

Sorry for your loss. Flowers

needygonzales · 02/01/2016 22:31

Oh OP I am so utterly sorry for the loss of your daughter. You SIL has acted appallingly and I agree with others who have suggested talking to your DH and confronting her together.

It's only natural to be missing her. Any mum would. Why don't you tell us a little about her if you like? I bet she was brilliant Smile

carabos · 02/01/2016 22:31

Would you like to tell us something about your DD1? Share a nice memory of her so you're thinking positive things to distract from this outrageousness from your SiL?

smileygrapefruit · 02/01/2016 22:32

I can't believe what I've just read, I'm so sorry. I think you must be a much stronger person than me. Let your husband tell her to fuck off, what a sorry excuse for a human being.

magpie17 · 02/01/2016 22:34

That's utterly unforgivable. I'm so sorry for your loss, the last thing you need right now is somebody like her in your life. Tell your DH and if he's angry with her it's because she deserves it. Take care of you and your baby and don't give that vile woman another thought. Hugs to you Thanks

lavenderhoney · 02/01/2016 22:35

You have to tell your dh- send him an email if he's away. Just cut and paste what you put in your op, if it's easier. Please lean on him - because hiding it is no good.

Don't protect this woman from his wrath- just say you need him, and you do.

Postpone the christening if you both wish, that's fine, you suit yourselves. Tell the vicar and I expect he/ she will be fine and supportive.

You're on your own with a newborn and DC, grieving over another- can't he come home? Flowers or you get your mum or a close friend/ family member to come and be nice?

RubbishMammy · 02/01/2016 22:37

You poor darling, what a terrible thing to have happen. And then this stupid woman speaking so unforgivably.

You must tell your husband what has happened. Phone him and tell him. He needs to support you through this awful time. And tell your friend that you heard and you are upset that she didn't say anything. See how she responds.

I would love to hear about your lovely daughter. You must miss her so much. How old was she? What did she like to do?

ShmooBooMoo · 02/01/2016 22:40

So cruel and heartless! :( That would be the end of the relationship with SIL for me (and probably the other two as well) and if she/ they want to know why I'd let them know. I have a feeling your DH will back you up.
I don't think - after saying something so incredibly hurtful - that they should be anywhere near your DD's Christening. I'm sure you were and are a lovely mum Wine Cake Flowers

Bogeyface · 02/01/2016 22:40

I too would like to hear about DD1, it sounds like you were very close Flowers

carben · 02/01/2016 22:40

I can't understand why your husband has left you grieving with a 5 week old baby over New Year to go on a business trip. What was he thinking ? You need physical support from him at the very least. Are his children with you too ?

Bogeyface · 02/01/2016 22:44

carben

The OP has enough to deal with right now, presumably the trip was unavoidable and was also one of the reasons she had this lunch. This is not a place to man hate about his going away for work.

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