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Original poster

Overheard Sil talking about me, devastated

236 replies

cocochanel21 · 02/01/2016 21:00

This is my first time posting I really need some advice. Background I've been with my DH for 10 yrs married for 6. We both had DCS from previous relationships as we both were teenagers when we had DCS having a child together was never on the cards we were both happy with our lives.
Last year I fell pregnant, we were shocked after much soul searching and tears (me) We decided to continue with the pregnancy.
When I was 7 mths pregnant my DD1died suddenly i was devastated and the last 2mths of my pregnancy were horrendous i felt completely numb and just wanted to be with my DD.
My gorgeous DD2 arrived 5weeks ago i fell in love with her the minute i set eyes on her. I'm still Greiving and have bad days but I'm trying to get on with things.
Yesterday my 2Sils and a friend came for lunch i was upstairs feeding the baby when I came down they were in the kitchen talking about me and DD1. SIL was saying that i looked terrible and she didn't understand as DD had been a total nightmare and she was glad her brother didn't need to put up with all the trouble she had caused anymore. The other 2 never pulled her up.
I somehow managed to get through lunch then made excuses to get rid of them. I spent the rest of the day in tears and I've spent today wanting to go to her door and tell her I heard what she said.
I miss my DD1 so much and don't understand why somebody can be so cruel.I feel such a failure as a mum and my gorgeous LO is stuck with me.

OP posts:
LMonkey · 02/01/2016 21:40

I'm guessing this bitch has no children of her own? Because no one who understands the love that a mother feels for her child could possibly come out with something so utterly heartless, it shocks me that anyone could. Please if you haven't already tell your DH about this and just cut these people out of your life. Yes the other two might have been in shock, I guess its down to you to decipher. But the evil cow who said this??? CUT HER OUT. FOREVER. Just unforgivable. She may be your SIL but no one who can add to your heartbreak in such a way deserves to or has any right to be part of your lives.

I'm so so sorry for your loss Flowers

Losing your DD is just such a hideous and sad thing to happen. The only thing you can do is concentrate on your amazing beautiful new baby and make life for her the best that it can be. Your DD1 will always be a part of your lives. I hope you're getting a lot of support from your DH and others.

Hellofromtheotherside7 · 02/01/2016 21:40

I am so so sorry to hear this, massive hugs to you.

Your SIL's comments, totally lacked basic human empathy. I don't know how I would react if someone made such a callous, unfeeling remark however I would be utterly appalled to the point that I may not respond. I am sorry that you have to deal with this.

Joysmum · 02/01/2016 21:42

Please, nows the time you need your DH so talk to him Flowers

Theimpossiblegirl · 02/01/2016 21:42

I am so sorry for your loss and for this adding to your pain.

What SIL said is absolutely unforgiveable. I would tell DH so he knows exactly why you never want to see her again. I would make sure she knows you heard what she said, too.

As for the others, they should have pulled her up on it, but they could (understandably) have been shocked and rendered speechless at the callousness of your SIL. I was ask them before deciding whether or not to cut them off too.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 02/01/2016 21:42

Your SIL is a thoughtless, heartless, cruel piece of shit.

Her statement says far more about who she is than it does about anything else.

You should absolutely say you heard her, and ask for an explanation, and watch her squirm, she will have no explanation.

After my son died I heard 2 strangers gossiping about me in a shop and the 'suspicious death' my son apparently had and how I had supposedly been arrested, I marched up to them, put them in their place and they were absolutely mortified and had no explanation for their vile gossip, your SIL will be exactly the same. Cunts like that always are, nasty gossipy bitch.

Flowers you have more than enough to deal with at the minute, her opinion is worth nothing (that's why she gave it behind your back).

rumbleinthrjungle · 02/01/2016 21:43

I'm so sorry Thanks

I could cry for you, of all the selfish, thoughtless things you did not need to be dealing with. Please do talk to your dh and let her know you overheard. She needs to know, and you will never be able to have any kind of relationship with her again if you have to keep all this inside on top of what you already have to carry around and handle day to day.

Your LO is not stuck with you, she has exactly the right mum for her, just as your dd1 did.

Youarentkiddingme · 02/01/2016 21:44

Gosh I'm so terribly sorry. Firstly that yiur DD1 passed away and then secondly that anyone could be so callus as your SIL.

Please tell your DH and I'd also text the 2 others present and say you heard what SIL said about DD1 and you are very hurt they remained silent.

Flowers
PiglettWithAttitude · 02/01/2016 21:48

I am really shocked by that - that is one of the most cruel things I have read on here. Who even thinks like that, let alone says it Flowers.

So sorry for your loss, OP. I have no idea how you sat through your lunch.

CaptainHammer · 02/01/2016 21:51

So sorry for your loss, definitely speak to your DH about it Flowers

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 02/01/2016 21:51

Oh you poor thing! How horrendous, and from family too. I'm so sorry for your loss, how old was DD1? Are you able to talk about her to anyone in RL?

I would also assume that your other SIL would have been knocked speechless by the comment, rather than agreeing with it. Please talk to DH about it, if you haven't already.

Flowers
LightDrizzle · 02/01/2016 21:51

Vile. I can't comprehend the mindset of somebody saying that.
I'm so sorry about the loss of your DD. The worst thing in the world I imagine.
If you can't forgive her, don't be hard on yourself. The others may have been stunned. I hope so.

shazzarooney99 · 02/01/2016 21:52

If i were you i would cut her out your life totally, that is unforgiveable. xxx

WitchWay · 02/01/2016 21:53

People are unbelievable at times - what a nasty way to behave. I can't believe the others didn't at least try to shut her up.

You need to speak to your DH (his sister I'm assuming, not your brother's wife) & then speak to her & hear her explanation. Then distance yourselves.

Make sure your new little one gets to know her big sister through pictures & discussions, once old enough to understand.

Flowers for you

BastardGoDarkly · 02/01/2016 21:54

Oh my god, giving the others the benefit of the doubt, they may well have been stunned and absolutely at a loss what to say. They didn't say anything did they?

I'm so so sorry for your loss, what a rollercoaster you must be on.

Please tell your dh, you need him.

As for sil, yes, I'd tell her that I'd heard, and she should stay the fuck away for the near future.

Flowers
ChristmasEvePJs · 02/01/2016 21:56

Firstly you are not a bad mum, your SIL is a horrid bitch, you must tell your DH. Tell us more about your daughters, think of the good times.

Heathcliff27 · 02/01/2016 21:57

Thats absolutely awful, my heart goes out to you. So sorry for your lossThanks

Kryptonite · 02/01/2016 21:57

Sad Flowers

That is an unbelievably unthinking, cruel thing to say, no wonder you feel devastated.
You need to let her know that you heard what she said, otherwise it's going to eat away at you and fester inside. It needs to come out into the open, and tell your partner what you heard.

AliceInUnderpants · 02/01/2016 22:02

I am so, so sorry that you have experienced this after what you've been through. I would absolutely tell your DH and make it clear to your SIL that she is no longer welcome in your life. As for the other SIL and the friend, they'd have serious explaining to do as to why they kept quiet.

AlanPacino · 02/01/2016 22:02

I'm so sorry for the loss I your gorgeous daughter. I can really feel the grief in your words and how much you are in pain. There is no excuse for what you heard you sil say. That's not normal. There are no reasons why it was remotely okay for her to say that. Back off from her as much as you can. Thanks

Anaffaquine123 · 02/01/2016 22:04

That is horrendous. I am so sorry you heard that.
Take time, there is no right or wrong about parenting or grieving. You are not a failure. This newborn stage is tough enough without the trauma you have got me through too. Be kind to yourself and cuddle that precious baby of yours.

PrincessMouse · 02/01/2016 22:04

I am so sorry to read this. What a dreadful thing to happen Flowers. I don't know what to say but you SIL sounds awful. What a heartless bitch she is.

wannaBe · 02/01/2016 22:05

Welcome to MN op.

So, your SIL essentially said that she was glad your DD1 was dead because she was a nightmare so now your dh no longer had to deal with her?

Unbelievable.

WorraLiberty · 02/01/2016 22:07

What a horrible, heartless thing to say.

Mooshbag · 02/01/2016 22:09
Flowers

So, so sorry.

JennyOnAPlate · 02/01/2016 22:10

I am so very sorry for your loss Thanks

Please talk to your dh about sil. She is an utter cunt.