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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

i don't know if i can talk about it here?

541 replies

panele01 · 31/12/2015 21:05

hello everyone,
i am new here and i don't know,i am not sure if i can talk about it here? i am 20 weeks and 4 days pregnant
,but i am having problems in my life right now,difficulties,complications SadConfused

OP posts:
GarlicBake · 27/01/2016 00:22

Good night! Go to sleep

Exciting day tomorrow.

goddessofsmallthings · 27/01/2016 04:48

What exciting thing is happening for you today, Garlic?

If you come to this thread this morning or this afternoon, panele, STOP before you start typing and think that in the time it will take you to find the words to express what you want to say and post them here, you could have spoken to your GP's surgery or to a Rape Crisis worker who is in a position to help you in rl - which, sadly, we are not.

One call to Rape Crisis will start a chain reaction that will help you get the antenatal care you need and help you resolve your housing issues.

Please don't post any more excuses or 'apologies' to your unborn child. You clearly have the abillity to express yourself in English and there is no reason whatsoever why you shouldn't start making calls NOW instead of wasting time here.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 27/01/2016 05:53

The OP doesn't want help. Whether that's because of poor mental health, denial, or other reasons, she wants to carry on as she is. And we cannot make her accept help or push her to action. Which is frustrating but true.

When posters (me among them!) said how shocked they were at the GPs failure in her duty of care, some days ago now, the OP defended her GP strongly. So I was very surprised to see the about turn turn yesterday. Which I assume was because posters were getting frustrated and questioning how this could be happening.

I think the OP is desperate for attention and comfort, and is taking the support and advice on here to satisfy her needs without wanting to take advice or make any changes.

I won't claim to understand the red herring that is the tax assessment. What I do see is that the OP is perceiving her mothers actions as very threatening, although from the outside I really can't see anything ominous about asking for employment history or P60s etc.

Whatever the reality there, it's allowed the OP to get attention without having to do anything, for a while longer. She wants comfort and affection and is saying anything to keep getting that.

Personally I'm finding the apologies to an unborn baby posted on the Internet rather unusual. And writing to strangers on the Internet as a way of talking to a baby, as an alternative to actual health care or bonding with the baby in real life, it's uncomfortable to read. No one in this whole situation seems to be interested in the baby's health or development - even the health care professionals.

It's all very sad, confused and I hope, whatever the OP is seeking and getting from this thread, it helps her in some way in her own life, whatever is going on.

IamaBluebird · 27/01/2016 08:36

So much good detailed advice and concern for the Op on this thread. I too hope she gets all the help she needs.

SomewhereInbetween · 27/01/2016 09:49

OP, do you have anything for your baby right now? I have asked you this before but you must have missed it. Or are you waiting for everything to fall into your lap, for someone to offer you to stay with them and take care of your needs and your baby? Because unfortunately the world doesn't work that way, you actually have to do this for yourself. Where is your baby going to sleep when he or she arrives? What will they wear? Are you planning on breastfeeding or bottle feeding? Have you thought about names? I know at 24 weeks I was scanning baby books daily with my head in the clouds thinking about how much I wanted to meet my little one.

What about a car seat, or pram? You won't be able to leave the hospital without one or the other. How about a high chair? Your baby can be born and survive any day now, these are very real things that you need to start thinking about. Where is your baby going to live? At your mothers where you only have a sofa to sleep on (and I am curious, you said before that your mum stays in a two bed house, why are you on the sofa? Who is in the second bedroom?)

At 24 weeks (in scotland anyway, and depending on the hospital) you can find out the sex of your baby if you want to, which would maybe give you the push you need to start getting things orginized. Otherwise, and I know this sounds harsh but it is also true, you can't look after a child when you are acting like one yourself.

I genuinely do hope that you pull yourself together for this child because they deserve that much from you.

GarlicBake · 27/01/2016 13:19

Haha, goddess, I meant an exciting day for Panele :) Starting to get care for Mini-Panele and her health, then finding health.

Mind you, I will be excited when she does it!

GarlicBake · 27/01/2016 13:20
  • then finding help.
MNHQ
OliviaMumsnet · 27/01/2016 18:25

Hello OP

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources - here. You can also go to the Samaritans' website here, or email them on [email protected].

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Sorry for hijacking your thread, and we really hope things start to look up for you soon

Best of luck with the impending arrival

redstrawberries101 · 30/01/2016 23:01

Op how are you?

redstrawberries101 · 04/02/2016 10:38

Hope oPis ok

Original poster
panele01 · 15/02/2016 13:42

Hello CheekyChickSSS,
No i am not ok,since that time when i haven't been posting here,i didn't do anything for myself,my mother is putting me in a position from which i don't know how will i come out anyway,its easy to see then explain,she is doing all the paper work to help me out and the baby so i could get some money,but since she gets housing benefits,she is adding me to the family so it will say that i live here with her and there is a possibility that her benefits might be cut down,i don't know anything about these things so please dears understand that i can't really say anything since i don't have a clue and understanding in how it works,you can hate me for what i have just said,but i am in a deep state of stress enough at the moment and i don't know what to do anymore,i should be enjoying my pregnancy,taking care of myself,rather then worry about these things,of which i don't have no understanding,control ect

OP posts:
goddessofsmallthings · 15/02/2016 13:58

I'm sorry to see that nothing has changed for you, panele, but sadly nothing will change until you act on the sound advice you've been given here.

Much as no doubt some of us would like to, we can't reach out to the necessary agencies for you as only an application from you in person will ensure that you get the housing and other help you so desperately need.

As you are now 27 weeks pg can you at least confirm that you being seen by midwives and are receiving antenatal care at your GP's surgery or local hosptial department/clinic?

With regard to your dm's housing benefits, I would imagine that they have already been reduced due to the fact that her dp lives with her as do you and your db.

As you seem to be awake and alert at 2 in the afternoon, is there any reason why you can't make some phone calls now?

Original poster
panele01 · 15/02/2016 15:55

I am booked by my GP to do urine and blood test today thats all,it was booked for 17pm this evening,but i don't have my own midwife yet and i couldn't make any phone calls,my mother was home all the time and my brother,she has a day off today,the same as my brother

OP posts:
Original poster
panele01 · 15/02/2016 15:58

I am not receiving antenatal care now,i have spoken to my GP about it last week and my own midwife,but i can't remember what she said to me,i am serious and its not an excuse dear,please,you have to understand,my memory has gone worse....... Its annoying and it is a serious issue for me.......

OP posts:
Original poster
panele01 · 15/02/2016 16:00

I am not receiving antenatal care now,i have spoken to my GP about it last week and about my own midwife,but i can't remember what she said to me,i am serious and its not an excuse dear,please,you have to understand,my memory has gone worse....... Its annoying and it is a serious issue for me now.......

OP posts:
Original poster
panele01 · 15/02/2016 18:09

I will talk to my GP again,i will find pit whats happening with midwife and antenatal care,seriously,i just can't leave it,it is 27th week of pregnancy and i don't have my own midwife,its ridiculous

OP posts:
Original poster
panele01 · 15/02/2016 18:10

The blood and urine test answers/results will be ready this Friday if it won't be ready this Friday so it will be ready next week for sure

OP posts:
loopylou6 · 15/02/2016 18:27

How on earth do you not have a midwife at your stage of pregnancy?
Have you had any growth scans? Confused

Original poster
panele01 · 15/02/2016 18:56

loopylou6,i don't know,i have asked my GP for midwife before but she didn't get me one,seriously,i had only one ultra scan after that i didn't have another one,seriously,the last time when i spoke to my GP,she said,i should've had the second one when i was 22 weeks pregnant that was the time when i was deciding,to continue with the pregnancy or not,i don't wanna mention abortion here,i am sorry,damn,i am so stupid,i am really stupid,i read about it and i did know and i didn't do it

OP posts:
FarinaHuevos · 15/02/2016 19:09

You're telling us you don't have a midwife? Where are you?

FarinaHuevos · 15/02/2016 19:20

Posted by GarlicBake -
Tue 26-Jan-16 21:48:02

Here you go, Panele smile

Community midwifery, antenatal care and birth centre: 020 8401 3000 ext. 4443

www.croydonhealthservices.nhs.uk/services/Maternity_Services/preparing-to-have-your-baby.htm

And still no midwife nearly 3 weeks later?

Original poster
panele01 · 15/02/2016 19:24

No,i didn't have a midwife before and i don't have it now,i seriously need her now,thank you very muchThanks

OP posts:
Original poster
panele01 · 15/02/2016 19:25

I am still at my mother's and i am in London now

OP posts:
goddessofsmallthings · 15/02/2016 20:54

As you've been posting here at the relevant times, should we assume that you've missed the appointment with your GP which was booked for either 5 or 7pm today? Did you phone to cancel it?

What have you done to prepare for the baby? Have you bought a cot/clothes/pram/nappies? Have you worked out how you're going to manage with a newborn in a 1-bedroom flat with 3 other adults coming and going?

It seems to me that you're putting your own and your baby's health at risk by trying to pretend that you're not pg and that your current situation isn't happening to you.

What will happen is that when you go into labour and the ambulance is called, you'll be taken to whatever hosptial is available and this could be some distance from your dm's as you won't have booked in by the midwifery service to give birth in your nearest maternity unit.

Realistically speaking there's nothing we can do except to keep on telling you to get your head out of the sand and stop making excuses for your inaction as if you can post here you can most certainly make a phone call - and, once again, if you want to make a call in private you'll have to put your coat on and go outside to do so if any of the others who are living in the flat are around.

FarinaHuevos · 15/02/2016 21:14

OP why didn't you contact a midwife on 27 January, the day after GarlicBake posted the website and phone number for you? You've had tons of support and great advice on this thread. Not seen that you've taken any of it so I'm not sure why you keep coming back.

I'm very concerned about the baby's health but would urge other posters to do as I've done and note well Olivia's message upthread.