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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

in love with him but he never wants to see me again

241 replies

Pain1 · 27/12/2015 18:14

I met a guy quite casually and I fell v deeply for him v quickly. I was wobbly emotionally when I met him and although we only met twice we had sex and I developed a massive attachment to him. It wasn't a very healthy relationship at all.
I think I scared him in the end. I was almost suicidal. He's blocked me on everything and never wants contact again.
I can't seem to move on from this experience. I've never felt like this before about anyone and I can't forget him Ive tried everything.
None of it makes sense.

OP posts:
LionHeartedWoman · 27/12/2015 23:53

. He's blocked me on everything and never wants contact again.

Yes he has mistreated you. Get your thoughts on yourself. Your energies are needed for getting better He doesn't want or need you to contact him. It may be construed as harassment.

LionHeartedWoman · 27/12/2015 23:56

Definitely take this desire to contact him to your therapist. Talk it through. You have to let go of this situation. He thinks whatever. Doesn't matter, he doesn't know you, you don't know him. You were relative strangers.

LionHeartedWoman · 27/12/2015 23:58

His input is not crucial to you getting well.

LionHeartedWoman · 28/12/2015 00:01

Sorry, I sound harsh. I don't mean to be. I don't want you to hurt yourself further by interacting with this man again.

tipsytrifle · 28/12/2015 00:01

You really need to know for you that you need help and that you also have the power to help yourself. We ALL have embarrassing and degrading moments in our past that might even make us feel sick. The key is not to focus on the nausea but to learn from the errors of behaviour, perception or whatever else. The lesson is for you, not him. He's out and gone.

Lauren2lauren · 28/12/2015 00:03

no just no don't give a fuck what he thinks he's an irrelevant asshole concentrate on yourself.

Original poster
Pain1 · 28/12/2015 00:05

I know.
I've been through it over in my mind again and again.
But he comes out of it with the story that he met a crazy bunny boiler. I want him to know that he had some responsibility too. I know it's a bad idea and he did mention the word harassment. But he gets to get on with his life and I'm in pieces.
I know this all isnt because he hit me. But it's a part of the story too isn't it

OP posts:
Original poster
Pain1 · 28/12/2015 00:05

I really feel sick for calling him and leaving those messages I really do

OP posts:
LionHeartedWoman · 28/12/2015 00:11

His opinion does not define you. You have sought help from a therapist, you are trying to help yourself get well.

Not contacting him is the right thing. It will contribute towards your putting your well being ahead of what he thinks.

Do you feel other people's opinion of you important? Even someone who abused you?

expatinscotland · 28/12/2015 00:12

They are past, Pain. They are past and you cannot do a think about them. This is now. And it's not about him. It's about you. Keep seeing your therapist and working with him/her.

Original poster
Pain1 · 28/12/2015 00:12

His opinion is v important very

OP posts:
LionHeartedWoman · 28/12/2015 00:12

Please don't contact him. It will not end well.

Original poster
Pain1 · 28/12/2015 00:14

He won't write back. But at least he'll know

OP posts:
tipsytrifle · 28/12/2015 00:14

Thing is, Pain1 - you are each on your own path. Your paths crossed and it didn't help either of you get better. He'll go on to abuse another woman and you - what will you choose to go on to? How will you forward your journey? Looking back at someone who hurt you and will hurt others? Or looking to yourself and the healing that you need to safeguard you from others of this kind? Looking at yourself in the future all healed and together with a healthy self-image?

I hope you choose the latter because that would be you living your own life. He isn't part of your life. He reinforced the things you need to sort out for you though.

Let him go now. Hold on to YOU. Get treatment for yourself so that you can shine freely. The nausea will subside as you take back control of your situation and emotions.

Original poster
Pain1 · 28/12/2015 00:14

This is actially sending me mad

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 28/12/2015 00:15

No, his opinion is very important now. But that is not forever. So you keep going. Keep working with your therapist and on you. He has blocked you, deleted you, whatever. That is what is now. And here you are. You keep going with that now, which included the professional help you are getting and you.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 28/12/2015 00:20

He will not 'know'. He will get a wee thrill that he's made you contact him again. He'll get the power hard-on that he's still in your head, controlling your thoughts and your actions. But he won't listen to the content of your message. He doesn't give a fuck what you have to say.

Please, please, please take these thoughts into counselling. But do not act upon them.

Lauren2lauren · 28/12/2015 00:21

if he is using words like harassment do you think contacting him in any way shape or form is a good idea? It will make you feel much worse when he doesn't respond. Don't even give him the satisfaction he's an idiot and should be more concerned by his actions.

tipsytrifle · 28/12/2015 00:22

No it is not sending you mad. You are kind of obsessing over enlightening him to something or other. Maybe what you're resisting is your own enlightenment? That you colluded in a situation that became abusive and very muddled up. He has now ended matters. That's it.

The nausea from your messaging will fade. Let that go too. Can you try that?

Original poster
Pain1 · 28/12/2015 00:22

No you're right. Ho doesn't give a fuck

OP posts:
DioneTheDiabolist · 28/12/2015 00:22

Nothing you write will make him accept responsibility. He has deleted and blocked you. He has given his opinion and he doesn't want you to contact him ever again OP.

Original poster
Pain1 · 28/12/2015 00:26

He is happy with another girl maybe treating her well. And I am here 2 months on fucking broken like an idiot.
I'm sorry
I know what you guys are saying is spot on. Such great advice.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pain1 · 28/12/2015 00:28

I know - he never wants to hear from me again. He was v clear. He desises me actually.

OP posts:
tipsytrifle · 28/12/2015 00:54

So now the hard question. Can you - 2 months down the line - accept that you must not contact him again? He is not the key to healing you. Never was, never will be.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 28/12/2015 01:10

He's not treating her well. At best he's reeling her in. At worst she's happy getting the shit kicked out of her when she has sex. Be compassionate to her, be angry to him, eh?