DD (22) surprise engagement...worried

[JudoJelly]

My DD is engaged, she is 22. She has been with him for 3 years since they met at the start of uni. They want to marry next christmas. They have never stayed overnight together or been on holiday and refuse to move in together before marriage. She has just got a reasonably well-paid job and we are helping her buy a flat but he is struggling to find a job. I knew they were considering marriage (they are both religious but DH and I are not) but didn't realise it would happen so soon. I have always felt living together for a few years and getting careers sorted was wise.
I'm concerned there is no real spark. They see each other every few weekends (DD is living in our hometown, he is living at their old uni town). DD seems to love the idea of it all and security of being 'sorted' (her words) but I just don't see real, passionate love and excitement. His upbringing and what he wants in life is very different from DDs but she says they'll work it out. It all is very rushed. Apart from church friends, none of DDs friends are engaged. Some have boyfriends but marriage is definitely not on the cards anytime soon!
If this was 4-5 years time and they had lived together (or even just been on holiday or generally seen that they can cope with extended periods of time together) then I'd be overjoyed. I don't believe he isn't 'the one' for her, I just don't think the time is right or see the rush.
Obviously they are adults and can do as they wish. I would not intervene and stop this but words of wisdom/advice would be useful. DD is generally very sensible and open but I know I need to tread carefully.

I met my first husband at 17, was engaged at 18, married at just 21, left him at 23, divorced by 24. No children because I always known from a very young age I didn't want any.

My situation was the opposite - it was my mother who was religious (Catholic). Even though I was bought up in the faith I was far from a blind believer in it. Both my first husband and my father were atheists.

I wasn't 'allowed' to have any overnights, go on holiday etc with my boyfriend...he wasn't even allowed upstairs in the family home!. My mother was to this day probably believes I was a virgin on my wedding day (I wasn't, hadn't been for 9 years). It was made clear to me that if I 'lived in sin' I'd be disowned. I was the only daughter and at the time 'family' still meant something to me. When I got engaged the only thing my mother was angry about was the fact my fiance hadn't asked my father for 'permission' to marry me ( I think that was the first time I told her to fuck off). I got married in the Catholic church (I wanted a registry office) and was forced to attend a pre marriage course with our local priest beforehand. I look back now and cringe, I had a lot of anger at the situation my mother had put me in and probably took it out on everyone there...which in itself was a clear indication that I was far too immature to be getting married...

Anyway. I came back from a one week honeymoon to find out my father had left my mother for the woman he'd been having an affair with for 9 months. I also found out that my parents had been living together for 6 months when they got married, and my mother was 3 months pregnant with my older brother....they'd met in the January, and were married on December 31st of the same year. My father was 5 years younger than my mother and turned 21 the day after my older brother was born....

I'd try and have a talk with your daughter, see how she really feels about all of this. If she's honestly happy and determined, there's not a lot you can do but keep relations good between you in case she needs you if it all goes wrong...

Yes this was me too. Although I didn’t get divorced that young - early 40s.

evangelical Christianity has a lot to answer for.

however I don’t think she’ll be open to being dissuaded from it so all you can do is be supportive

This is a zombie thread from December 2015.

Ah, I saw this come up in recommended, then saw the date!

FFS. Why are these threads resurrected? If the OP couldn't have been arsed to update they would have done fucking years ago.