me again-please help

[Cowscockwithonions]

I posted a couple of months back about ending my EA relationship, I'm not sure if anyone remembers me.
I remember acrossthepond and Anyfucker posting with advice/ support

My ex is still living here- he said he is moving out after Xmas-he knows it's over.

Today has been awful- he's been extremely nice, whereas past Christmases he's been awful- short tempered and moaning at the kids over anything.
The worst thing is though,
I said I didn't want any presents, I know he'd already bought me a couple of little bits 'from the kids', which I was ok with, as the kids wanted to buy me things.
So I bought him a couple of token presents from the kids- socks and chocolate.
He gave me the kids presents, then said he had also bought me some things which he wasn't going to give me as they were "inappropriate, given the circumstances", apparantly he bought them before we split.

Then, in front of the kids, he gave me the presents, knowing that i couldn't say "no I'm not accepting them" as he would act all hard done by and the kids would feel sorry for him.
He'd bought me a diamond ring , plus some very expensive presents.
Why did he do this? He knows we're over- I know he just wanted to make me feel bad, but why do it in front of the kids
I spent a tenner max on his presents from the kids, he spent about £600, according to the kids- he told them.
My head is so fucked up right now, the last few weeks we have been civil, and he did say that he's going to move out, so why, why why did he do this?
Not sure why I'm posting, I already know that he's doing it to make me feel guilty, guess I just wanted to sound off.
Please be gentle with me, I'm feeling very fragile at the moment, I feel like the nastiest person in the world

Cows, some 14 or so pages ago, PPs have told you how to research who owns the car. Why haven't you?!?

tough love icon<
folds arms, taps foot

Unfortunately Cows is still partially believing P is living in it, & thus hasn't forced the issue..
But the reg papers may be in the glove box, or in the house.
If your Dad lent you the money, then it is actually your car in my view.
It seems that your Dad has done a lot for you, Possibly you should consider making conciliatory steps with him. He was right about P ....

The V5 is highly unlikely to be in the glovebox. You're always told to keep it separate. It's probably kicking around the house somewhere.

He probably took v5 as soon as he was unsupervised in the house once he knew you wanted the car.

I cant say much. I am in a situation i am not being strong enough to get out of.

So, could Cows request a copy of the V5?

Again in the US here, but I know I could get a duplicate reg with the plate number and VIN (Vehicle ID Number) which is inside every car's windscreen.

Cows can only request a copy if she is the owner, but there are several posts explaining how she can find out for definite. Quickest method will be ringing 101 and reporting it stolen; they'll immediately look up the owner details from the reg (plate) number.

I imagine that the car was in her name and ex has got hold of the v5 and changed it with dvla to his own name.

The car is tying you to him. Either it's his - so surely he can do the school run seeing as he's not going to work or it's yours in which case get it off him and get on with your life. You can find out easily whose name it's in.

He's just turning the car into a great boulder that can't be solved, if it wasn't, "the car," it would be something else.
Your Dad bought the car, you are in the process of paying him back, am I right? If so, draft a letter telling STBXH that he repays your Dad the final amount owing by xxx x date, or the car will be owned by either you/your Dad.
All this about needing to wait in the house because of the car situation is pure, controlling b¥llsh¡t. If it weren't the car it would be the house, the shed, the garage, the dog, the flipping beach ball, anything to control you.
Sort out the car & cut his last hook out of you.

If the car were in cow's name and he changed the V5, wouldn't that be illegal? Here, he would have had to forge her name to change the registration.

Well said Across55

Had my first day at work today- I got on really well, was daunting at first, I felt sick with nerves this morning and was shaking! Was on the till, and have kind of got the hang of it.
Am feeling a bit proud of myself for doing it even though I was terrified

I'm in a bit of a pickle though- I've been offered another job- in the kitchens at a local primary school- I don't know whether to take it- I don't have any child care sorted for school holidays if I stay in the job I'm in now- I know, I know, I'm disorganized , but it's not easy finding someone to look after 5 kids for up to five hours per day, I can't afford that.
So I don't know whether to accept this other job, as I obviously won't have to work school holidays.

Congrats, you!

I can see the advantage of the job at a school. I think I'd be real tempted if the pay was right. I had a cousin who started out as a school cook and ended up as manager of the whole central district kitchen! Not having to have childcare during school holidays will save you a pile of money.

How do they work pay over summer hols? Would you have to do without a paycheck during school holidays? Here (US) you can choose to prorate your salary over 12 months rather than just the 10 actual working months.

Thanks across, someone else who works at the school told me you get a retainer in the summer holidays, not sure what a retainer is , but she got paid some money.
I'm due to go to the school tomorrow for a DBS check (used to be called a CRB), so I'll hopefully find out more then.

What they do is pay you even when you're not working. So if you work 42 weeks per year at 12k pa then they divide that 12k by 52 weeks and pay you all year round. I hope that makes sense.

It seems like it would suit your circumstances better to work at the school.

Good luck tomorrow.

Thanks balders, that makes sense.
I'd be happy to stay at my current job, I'd work all the hours I could, I want to provide for me and the kids, but it's just not feasible, I can work there till my DBS comes back, but then I guess I'll have to go, I have to do what fits around the kids now- I'm certainly not going to ask ex to help out with child care, the less I have to see him, the better.

Cowscock

Re: Retainer

UK Schools tend to average your pay out over the 12 months, so you still get paid through the summer (not that I work in a school so I don't know the ins and outs)

The school job sounds spot on, once you've been in and had a proper chat about money in the holidays you can make a decision about which job to continue with. (How bloody fantastic is it that you've got 2 to pick from! it's not that long back you were bothered that you wouldn't get work at all - you're doing BRILLIANT!)

Raptor, I know! I pictured myself going to the job centre for months, and I thought I had little chance of finding any work, I'm so pleased and surprised that I've been offered two jobs!
The school job is 15 hours per week- I need to work 16 hours to qualify for working tax credit, I'm going to ask tomorrow if I can do an extra hour a week (unpaid if necessary), that'll help a lot.
My current job is great in term time, but in school holidays is impossible.

It really sounds as if this job was meant for you!

BRAVO Cows ......only you can know what suits you. but that is so good !!!!
Hope Tosser is off your back too ?

If the can't/won't give you an extra hour per week then could you do something like 1 cleaning job, ironing, paper round, avon - just anything to make it up to you working 16 hours per week?

You can do after school care of less than 2 hours per day without needing to be a registered childminder...

Def. go for the school hours job so so so much less stressful then juggling childcare.

Cows, how fantastic! Two jobs! Just shows what having an open mind can do for you. The school job sounds great, covers a big problem; hope they can do that extra hour for you, and the money works out well enough.

Thanks all of you. I went for my DBS check today at the school, unfortunately she can't give me the extra hour just yet- apparently they have to see if more children will have hot dinners, which is fair enough, meantime I'll look for an extra job, like random suggested, there's bound to be someone who wants a cleaner for an hour a week! (I hope so anyway)

I can't believe my luck at the moment- getting a job in school hours and the school holidays off seems perfect, I keep expecting something in my life to go wrong. It feels like everything is going too well!

No, this is your new life.
You deserve to be happy, its time to be positive.

Positivity breeds positivity, Cows. This luck is all your own work!

Things are getting better and better!