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Original poster

Will he ever propose to me???

462 replies

Chareen92 · 22/12/2015 17:39

This might be a little long so bare with me.
I've been with my oh for over 6 years. We have 2 children together and have lived together for more than 5 years. Anyway the issue is him proposing to me. We've talked about it a lot and has said he wants to. He was the first to take me ring shopping 4 years ago and again 2 years ago. I just feel why take me if your not planning on getting me one I think it's cruel. I would t be fussed if he had never took me. There always seems to be some excuse. Money is not the issue so I don't know what is stopping him? We've had all sorts of upset over the matter and he knows how import marriage is to me. His big dream is to buy a house and I want this too so I am commuting just as much into saving for a deposit. My dream is to be engaged and married but he don't seem to be compromising. All he ever says is he will do it when the time is right. We have a very loving relationship but I'm now starting to resent him because I'm helping him towards his dreams but he isn't mine. What would other mums do in this situation . I've set myself a deadline In my head and I'm sticking by it if he hasn't done so by our next anniversary in a. Year then I won't be here any longer. I know people have different opinions on this I just feel like if he really wanted to do it he would of done it by now. He isn't aware of this deadline but I am not waiting forever for it never to happen. Hope I could get some advice o help. Thanks in advance X

OP posts:
Lweji · 24/12/2015 09:13

And you're also denying your children the chance to witness a good relationship.

Your mother probably kept falling to the same patterns. You can change that and detect red flags earlier on. But you never have to stay with someone who is not right for the sake of being in a relationship.

Mince314withIcecream · 24/12/2015 09:17

yy to reading some good books

I mean this as sensitively as I can, if your mum died when you were four, then there is bound to be a big chink in your armour

running on empty by jonice webb

This one is a great book about assertiveness officially but it helped me recognise behaviours and understand myself a woman in your own right

and finally, this book is hilarious, and it's about dating which I wouldn't recommend you think about YET but it helped me understand where I'd gone wrong in the past and it helped me finally finally get the mindset to realise that some loser is not the prize, I'm the prize. Some of the advice is a bit laughable but it make you understand that YOU are the prize here

I also want to link something from the lighthouse website. The problem with being too nice. It perfectly explains something that had confused me my whole life.

This article is called "why accepting too little from people is a bad thing"

this one you can read now That's a great site btw.

Original poster
Chareen92 · 24/12/2015 10:10

U ladies have such good advice and I just wish I had this sooner and realised before I wasted years on this guy

OP posts:
Mince314withIcecream · 24/12/2015 10:13

You have your lovely children and you still have your youth and your dental nurse qualification and your earning potential. Ok, it's not great to have spent six years with a man who chipped away at your self-esteem. But you're only just 30. You are so young, and you have time to fix it all, financially, practically and emotionally. xx I wasted 7 years and I was older when I left and I'm happy now

Mince314withIcecream · 24/12/2015 10:15

ps, sorry to nag, but did you read the article called "why accepting too little from people is a bad thing''. That article was like eureka for me.

Original poster
Chareen92 · 24/12/2015 13:55

No sorry haven't had chance to read it yet been working and getting Xmas sorted. I'm Guna be acting normal for tomorrow for the children then after that I will be telling him he needs to move out. If he asks to stay till he has the money for a deposit it will be a straight no as I know he has savings for the house so can't fool me with that one anymore. It's gunna be tough being on my own as I haven't for such a long time but I'll cope I'm sure

OP posts:
FellOutOfBedTwice · 24/12/2015 14:05

I hope you do leave him OP. You deserve more than this.

Mince314withIcecream · 24/12/2015 14:06

Do. Act clever. It's the canniest option. He'll think you're in 'put-up-and-shut-up' mode. he'll probably reward you with some niceness for having put up and shut up.

Mince314withIcecream · 24/12/2015 14:07

I meant, act normal! but i was thinking it's clever to act normal! Typing and thinking! more than I can handle.

Original poster
Chareen92 · 24/12/2015 14:23

Yes I'm Guna try my best anyway but as soon as Boxing Day comes the house is gunna come down on him lie a ton of bricks lol

OP posts:
Lweji · 24/12/2015 14:58

You'll definitely cope. Thrive, even. :)

Mince314withIcecream · 24/12/2015 14:59

You may need assistance getting him out of house. If you do, call the police or call a brother, uncle or cousin. I cant imagime he's going to walk away from his easy life without some heel-digging and some master manipulation.

pocketsaviour · 24/12/2015 15:24

Mince unfortunately he's the sole owner of the house, and they're not married. So OP is almost certainly going to have to be the one to leave :(

Lweji · 24/12/2015 15:27

They rent from OP's relatives.

tribpot · 24/12/2015 15:27

pocketsaviour, I think OP is still renting, the house is the excuse the DP is using for not proposing. Indeed I think the house is rented from a member of OP's family, so she should be able to stay put.

magoria · 24/12/2015 15:58

He may now produce a ring and propose to keep you funding his life.

Please stay strong and carry on with your plan as you have seen what he is really like.

Original poster
Chareen92 · 24/12/2015 16:46

I will yes the house is owned by my family not his. Well come home today he's being nice. Made a comment like look this is how clean the house should be when I come home I was like it is always this clean and he said it wasn't lol probly because when he gets in he leaves Me loads of pots lol

OP posts:
regenerationfez · 24/12/2015 16:53

If that's him being nice, God knows what he's like when he's not! It's criticism poorly disguised as a compliment.

Original poster
Chareen92 · 24/12/2015 16:54

Well I also have to cook tonight as he cooked last night

OP posts:
Original poster
Chareen92 · 24/12/2015 16:55

Even though he's been in all day and I've been work

OP posts:
areyoubeingserviced · 24/12/2015 16:57

He doesn't want to marry you .

DollyTwat · 24/12/2015 17:52

Op you've been trained very well to see what he does as being nice. It's what you do all the time

Try responding to him how he does to you.
In your head think about what a catch you are, which you are, and how lucky he is. Act accordingly.

Lweji · 24/12/2015 17:55

So, he says you can't keep the house clean and makes you cook after a day's work on Christmas Eve. What a catch.

Mince314withIcecream · 24/12/2015 17:58

Yes, tell him you can't afford him.. "i can't afford to carry you". If he calls you a gold digger when the shit hits the fan tell him you're a very poor gold digger cos u hookd up with a leech

Mince314withIcecream · 24/12/2015 17:59

Cook something you know he's not keen on.