DH doesn't know if he still wants to be with me.

[intheairthatnightfernando]

In shock. Married 15 years, two kids 7 and 4. Shared friends. Always been very solid but have ups and downs, good phases and bad. So bicker. But always had each other's backs. Never doubted this was forever.

He has been off with me this last month. Snappy, irritated. Short with th children. Just not very nice. I have pulled him on it many times but he remains grumpy and disinterested.

Tonight I flipped and asked just what was going on. He says he doesn't know if he wants to be with me, he isn't happy. He says no-one else and I believe him. He can't explain why, he says he doesn't like who he is now, so intolerant and grumpy.

I don't know what to do. We have young children and I assumed everyone was a bit out of love at this stage. I have never ever envisaged parting. He says he doesn't know what he wants and is very sad about it. I can't bear to think our family could dissolve. But do not want to this lying down. Am sleeping in with our dd tonight, could not go to our bedroom after this. He is now looking bereft saying he does love me but is unhappy.

Oh I'm not waiting about. Thank you for writing that to spur me on further! No I am not. I am getting on with following the lovely life I usually follow now. He has messed up my head and taken up all my thoughts this week. Not text week. Have a party at a friend's tomorrow. Later in week I am meeting my sister for city drinks and food. I'm going on my work christmas do. I'm busy having fun with my friends. I'm not going to let myself down by asking him how he's feeling and thinking. If he doesn't seem to be making much effort (and I can tell you I'm not bowled over so far!) I'm going to have it out with him on Boxing Day and enquire where he's planning on going. As he's not staying here to make anyone feel they aren't quite good enough so he might not be able to tolerate it in the future. My happiness will not be dictated by him. If he holds out family life cheap, he can get out.
Fighting talk. This wasn't me last night, I was struggling. But he wasn't here to see it. And he won't see it again.

Sending you my best wishes and a little prayer for your happiness. I'm sure you'll have your moment of clarity, when you are ready for it.

Lovely thread.
I'm pretty sure he'll deliver that moment of clarity for me christmascarcass unfortunately!

I like your style OP. He must be mad to risk losing you.

Yeah and I'm definitely on here for updates! Am I bad? Good luck OP.

maybe, whatever his "decree", he now isn't quite good enough either !

Good for you! You sound decisive and together over this, even though you are obviously having a few, understandable wobbles. He's risking so much with his stupid, selfish behaviour.

Hi everyone, it's over. He's moving out either this week or next. I need to make the call soon which would be best for the kids.

I couldn't sit it out. Had to know and we finally had proper open discussion and he is going.

This has been a hellish week and I imagine cheery times are not directly around the corner. But my kids and my friends are amazing and I will get through this. Feel a certain relief that uncertainty has passed.

I'm so sorry. Start taking it a day at a time and doing those little things which bring you and the kids pleasure. Xx

I'm sorry it's been hellish but glad your limbo is over. And glad your kids and friends are being amazing (I'm not surprised actually, you have come across as a pretty amazing person yourself!)

FWIW, my two cents is that the sooner he moves out, the sooner you can start to move on.

Good luck.

Hi op, just to say at least you know for certain now, and hopefully can start looking forward to a brighter and more stable future
and ((hugs))

Oh blimey op I'm sorry to hear this. I think I would rather know than live in limbo and it sounds like you are the same too. Your dc are young enough to adapt (not that you would ever have wished for this) and you sound like a fantastic mother. I agree that he is mad to walk away. Stay strong with your head held high you are amazing

Good luck for the future

Gather your friends and family around you.

Oh love! I'm sorry. You will have some pretty difficult emotions now and they will change from minute to minute but you will at least be moving towards a new future rather than just waiting!
Surround yourself with friends and fun and laughter, make some nice plans to look forward to when u feel shit.
You are a strong capable woman, he is a fool.

I am sorry but I do think it was inevitable. You still have a good few days before Xmas to get the kids up to speed and for it to have sunk in.

Better to rip off the plaster, really it is.

Keep on keeping on, OP.

Dragging out the inevitable is a much more painful way to do it, you're right not to put yourself through that. A few months from now, you'll be glad you started today.

Keep on keeping on, OP.

Dragging out the inevitable is a much more painful way to do it, you're right not to put yourself through that. A few months from now, you'll be glad you started today.

I have been following your thread and just wanted to say I think you have been so brave and strong, and you deserve much better! And you will find someone better suited to you when the time is right. For now focus on number 1 which is you and then the kids. All the best xxx

Sorry OP Life really is too short to spend it with someone who 'isn't sure'.

I am getting on with following the lovely life I usually follow now.

I'm really sorry. I do think the best for the dc would be for him to go asap now. More time to absorb it and get a bit used to the idea before Xmas.

At least now it is done you can cried, grieve and then start healing.

Yes, agree with the above. Thinking of you.

You're a strong and brave brave woman, Op.

You will be ok. More than ok, you'll be happy again.

It's done then. And now you can begin your journey into your bright future.

There will be bumps along the way, but you'll get over them. Life will be good.