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Original poster

I think she going to leave for her ex

439 replies

pirate13 · 03/12/2015 17:43

My wife and i have been together for 3 years married almost 2
she has 2 children, 3 and 6, and i have one, 6 also

our relationship started great but lately all we seem to do is argue about stupid things.
The two 6 year old fight alot, moneys tight etc

the other night, the day after another stupid row, we were watching telly and i knew something was up, so in the morning i looked at her phone ( i know, silly thing to do) and found that she was texting her ex things like, "you are the only one that really knows me" and "it should be you bathing the kids" to which he replied that they should "wait and see what happens"
(She had had a few drinks that evening) I think its the first time shes ever spoken like this to him but i cant be sure.

I got really upset and had to say something, so i did, and she just started shouting about me being insecure and that she was thinking of giving it another go with him, but wasn't sure?

last night when she was at work her eldest told me he was going to miss me and his friends as they were moving back to daddy's but it was a secret

i asked her last night what was going on and she said she is going to leave after Christmas, this hurt A LOT, but i kept my cool and just said if that's what she wants then that was that.

She slept in our bed (odd i thought) and this morning she is her usual self, chatting about a birthday party we are doing at the weekend, her eldests which the ex will be attending!

I REALLY don't want them to leave, i love the kids and her so much, i know i am not perfect but i am willing to do whatever it takes to keep them and build a better marriage but i think it may be too late. But like my friend says, shes not gone yet and why wait till after Christmas, why does she not want to spend it with him and the kids?

I know women are very good at detaching themselves from a relationship even when still living together, but is there anything i can do to change her mind, i'm just trying to play it cool at the moment, act normal, be nice, in the hope that she realizes what she may be losing.

OP posts:
Arfarfanarf · 04/12/2015 16:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GeorgiaT2468 · 04/12/2015 17:07

I wonder how she would feel knowing her son is clearly already very upset and thinking how he will miss you!!

How sad Sad poor kids being in between all this with no choice of the decisions being made around them.

She should be ashamed of herself playing these mind games not only with you but her son too. Telling him it's a secret ect is disturbing and unfair, he's a baby still and should not have this on his shoulders!!

It's very strange behaviour and such an awful situation to be in for you!

Even if this fizzles out and you get back on the straight and narrow. How long for? If not her ex who else may take her interest? How will the kids be affected yet again but some time down the line? That's more precious time of their child hood that she will be able to strip away from them. Their home, memories, relationships ect..

I know it's easier said than done but honestly for the kids sake and your sanity I wouldn't give her the choice to destroy any of you like this any longer. Either get her to leave you you leave yourself.

It's what's best all round by all accounts I think but the only one that can do that is you. Maybe better you initiate it and get it done before she does. That's not me saying get there first but you seem a nice guy who clearly loves all the kids and want what's best for them.

Maybe you can do it in more of a mature way and help prepare all the children emotionally, something she clearly isn't prioritising!!

Sooner rather than later matey, if you get the opportunity then assure the kids you love them and it's not their fault.

With regards to the future, contact ect that will pan out how it pans out I'm afraid, no guarantee with contact ect but hopefully she will stop being so selfish and consider her children's feelings before her own.

You have been a big role in their life for some time now, she should consider the impact this will have in them. Yes she has the right to end things and stop you from seeing them ect but that would be her own cruel choice..

Speak to her but ensure your certain she won't lose her temper at the child/children for speaking to you. If she does take it out on him you need to take action because it's wrong!

Good luck and be strong

Xx

Original poster
pirate13 · 04/12/2015 18:17

Ok i think I know what I'm going to do.
I going to leave it over the weekend. Get the party and his birthday out of the way, i also have my son for the weekend, then on Tuesday I'm going to tell her that I need her out of the house BEFORE Christmas so I can enjoy it without the worry of when she is going to leave. Her ex is having the kids from xmas afternoon anyway so I can't see why that should be a problem.
Even just typing it makes me feel a bit better.
It's going to be odd tomorrow with her ex at the party but you know what. I don't care. They are welcome to each other. I would't put it past her to flirt with him all afternoon.

OP posts:
Northernnights · 04/12/2015 19:07

Good luck Pirate. I think you are doing the right thing.

HadEnoughOfWork2015 · 05/12/2015 08:45

i'd be tempted to pack a bag for her and when the ex goes to leave, say "oh you've forgotten something, and can i have my keys back....." (handing over the bag)

but you're probably more grown up than me, you could still fantasize though

i hope you're ok

ILiveAtTheBeach · 05/12/2015 09:10

Why on earth wouldn't you just talk to her?! This isn't the time to play it coy or to play games. If you love her and want her to stay, bloody well tell her so. She might think you don't care? Are you just going to hand her to him, on a plate? Bloody hell! If I was wavering over 2 men, I know that I would very much assess their behaviour and think very hard about my feelings, but also about how they felt about me. If one was "Meh" and the other one had fire in his belly for me, I know who I would choose. Never been in that situation though, so not talking from experience. Please talk to her asap.

SSargassoSea · 05/12/2015 10:25

I disagree - stick to your decision pirate - she can come back begging to live with you again at some point in the future if she realises she has made a mistake. Then it's your decision what you do - not now. Right now she is messing around, stringing you along - because you've allowed it.

FellOffMyUnicorn · 05/12/2015 10:41

I disagree with trying to keep her, she is messing you around, shes not committed to you, and you deserve better

Original poster
pirate13 · 05/12/2015 12:02

I know she is messing me around,
But a part of me just wants to go over to the sofa where she is sitting and kiss her.
I wish I could turn my feeling off.

OP posts:
Original poster
pirate13 · 05/12/2015 12:45

She's just about to leave to set up the party with her mum and her ex, I'm looking after the kids.
I guess at least I'll get to see how they are acting around each other. Confused

OP posts:
GeorgiaT2468 · 05/12/2015 13:00

You love her.. It's clear Hun and there's no shame or blame in that.

It would be easier if we could switch our emotions off with a button from time to time. BUT that would be to easy and life isn't easy.

I think you have a lot of bollax to do what your doing today. Your a bigger person than me!!

However your keeping things as normal as possible for the kids sake and I think that's great!!

I can only imagine how you feel right now and it does make me feel quite sorry for you.. I know you don't want pity and just advice, guidance, support ect but it's hard to imagine someone being treat like such vermin!!

Get through the weekend as you wish as of course you have your own child who's visiting to consider too and next week please with all due respect put your bloody foot down and spear yourself from this absolute shit show!!

Xx

Original poster
pirate13 · 05/12/2015 13:44

Thanks GeorgiaT2468
I've got to do it for the kids
She even made me breakfast this morning. It's hard to stay focused when she's being so nice.

A quick question. She's still wearing her wedding rings. I feel that is a little odd considering. Especially today?

OP posts:
GeorgiaT2468 · 05/12/2015 14:23

Yes you're right it's very odd!!
Over all she's acting very odd!!

To be honest I don't have a clue other than she is playing mind games!!

Either that or she's blurted out in arguments with you that she wants her ex bla bla but he's not over joyed and confident to have her back but he's not said no.. So I think they are both keeping their options open. Sounds like she's keeping you sweet a little bit and trying not to piss you off or push you away to much just in case it all falls through with him??

Confused.com

That or she's trying to make you both jealous? Telling you she wants him but wearing her wedding rings in front of him?? Sounds like she needs some therapy and to get a grip with herself!!

Xx

Original poster
pirate13 · 05/12/2015 15:22

At the party and the ex has gone off to the pub with her brother! Shock
Wtf.

OP posts:
GeorgiaT2468 · 05/12/2015 15:36

From his child's birthday party? The kids he only sees in holidays?? Wow what a nice dedicated daddy there xx

Original poster
pirate13 · 05/12/2015 15:50

I can't quite believe it

OP posts:
SomeonesRealName · 05/12/2015 15:51

www.chumplady.com/2012/04/the-humiliating-dance-of-pick-me

GeorgiaT2468 · 05/12/2015 15:59

Disgusting!! Xx

P1nkP0ppy · 05/12/2015 16:04

I'm struggling to get my head round this, definitely Xmas Confused

Original poster
pirate13 · 05/12/2015 16:44

I hope she thinks so too

OP posts:
TaintForTheLikesOfWe · 05/12/2015 17:41

OP please stop watching and waiting for her to do or not do something. Make plans to move out and get the divorce underway. Just start to plough your own furrow and stop being dictated to.

Her ex has blown her out and that is why she is playing nice. Get the life you want - step on that path.

ijustwannadance · 05/12/2015 17:56

Is she still expecting a fucking xmas present?! Just get rid. No matter what she says. She is clearly the type who can't be on her own so if ex is not interested she will just find someone else to move in with, exactly like she did when meeting you. She does not love you. If she did she would not be behaving the way she is.

Original poster
pirate13 · 05/12/2015 19:05

Omg. That was really hard. He came back after about an hour. Every time they talked my stomach tied in a knot.
On the way home I mentioned about him going off and she said it's probably because he only really knows her brother? What! He knows the kids. He knows her mum. He knows her!

TaintForTheLikesOfWe, I know what I should do. But I would do anything to go back 2 weeks to when everything (as fast as I knew at the time) was ok.
I'm going to miss them so much.

OP posts:
GeorgiaT2468 · 05/12/2015 19:23

Why don't when the kids are in bed just say..

Iv been thinking about what you said about leaving. Are you still leaving me? What did I do? Why do you sleep in our bed with me, act normal and wear your wedding rings? Your confusing me and my hearts breaking here. Please talk to me about this..

No need to make a big deal just simply ask these questions calmly and quietly.

Xx

Sansoora · 06/12/2015 03:27

Pirate, latterly this thread is reading like a melodrama and I cant quite believe its actually a bloke doing the writing, so please, when you get up today can man up and just tell her to GTF out of your life.

You really will feel much better for it.

Honestly.