Brave Babes - Wrapping up for a Wonderful Winter

[venusandmars]

Hi, I am venusandmars and I've been on these threads for many years.

It can be tough at this time of year when the adverts are full of families cheerfully opening bottles of wine and good cheer, when work parties are alcohol fuelled, when distant friends call round with a bottle in hand.

Maybe you're trying to cut down a little in the pre-Christmas weeks, maybe you are struggling to know how to continue with a longer period of abstinence, maybe you are waking up after a Christmas Party feeling sick and covered in shame (or even feeling shame and covered in sick).

Whatever, whenever, if you want to stop, or cut down, or simply share your struggle with others who also feel the tug..... please join us.

Usually our lovely mouseface opens these threads, but the poor mouse is sick in hospital and so I am overcoming the technophobia that a 50-something feels.... (well done me ). Our last thread is here if you want to read the last few posts

And if you want to read the story from the beginning (you'll need a few weeks) HERE is where it all started when Jesuswhatnext posted in May 2010.

Welcome one and all x

marfisa nice to see your posts - all sounds good with you

joey interestingly no-one in AA either encouraged me to drink, or makes me think about wanting a drink - their stories were all too raw and honest and similar to mine. Whereas I have a friend who doesn't drink much at all, but always wants to have 'just one'. She's clearly not an alcoholic (and I know she barely drinks at all at home) but does seem to have an obsession about needing to have ONE drink when we go out - she pushes and pushes for me to join her and 'let my hair down'.

I'm not a frequent attender of AA but I think it gave me a big wake up call when I realised that in so many ways my drinking habits were like theirs...

Hello lovely mouse - so sorry about Seth and that you are having such a shit November. However, Tuesday will be December, you can put some sparkly lights on, enjoy the warm glow of candle light, sing along to familiar seasonal tunes (or ignore it all and put on your own favourite music), you can appreciate having family around you or you can use the busy-ness of the season to indulge yourself in some peaceful moments.

xx to all

Thanks mouse she was so please you asked after her and asked how nemo was. Do you have a recent pic?
Shea not eating enough and is terribly thin. Today she had a pain au chocolat, a mug of home made soup for lunch with half a sandwich and although she loves roast dinner only had a couple of small roasties with literally a teaspoon of peas. No meat, no fruit, no yoghurt. Some lucozade to drink. She is asleep again. I am worried about her

Morning All

Venus thank you for setting up new thread

Mouse I am so sorry to hear about Seth (he will be running in fields with your Ma now)

Ma I hope your DD2 is getting stronger and stronger, sounds like some 'home loving' is just what she needs x

April how are you darling?

Joey hello lovely hope you're ok today x

Baby big squeeze darling x

Beaches my little sunflower, how are you honey? please come and say hello x

Fox are you lurking?

Sweet how's it going lovely one x

Marfisa so well done, good to hear your success

Bit of a 'meh' weekend, just realising how skint I'm going to be over Xmas and it's just depressing I'm feeling a bit down in the dumps, I don't think weather, dark mornings and my general frame of mind are helping. So onward and upward

Have a good day everyone x

Hugs to Ma and Mouse and so sorry about Seth ... He was certainly a beautiful dog, so sorry for your loss. What a shit month for you. Thankfully we can say goodbye to it today and ride on into December with our canine companions in the sidecar xxx

evil, sounds like you and I are following a similar pattern. I would be up for doing dry January with you, which will hopefully turn into a longer time AF.

joey I totally empathize with what you said about your DH. My DH physically flinches if I refer to myself as an alcoholic in front of him. He doesn't understand that for me it's not as simple as cutting down. I think the other babes are right and for now just get to a meeting, even if it means telling him a white lie. However, in the long term you are going to need your DH fully backing you for moments of hand-holding and lots of cuddles and support. When I met my sponsor recently she pointed out that if I don't get my DH fully on board with me in terms of understanding and support, then my chances of successfully finishing with booze are much less. And she's right. So even though it's going to be a hard conversation I know I have to make my DH understand how bad my problem is and how much I need him to help. Gulp.

Morning, tie me, Mouse

Ma - HAPPY ST. ANDREW'S DAY!!

Here are some pictures just for you! Summer at school, on holiday last year, and a very smartly dressed Nemo for a party, a couple of months ago.

I hope DD2 perks up soon, she might have a virus, there's lots going around... does she have a temperature at all? Keep her clear fluids up to avoid a UTI or water infection, even if she just sips water all day, I'm really worried about her too. Give her a gentle squidge from me please.

hope - thank you for your kind words. It's a very somber MouseHouse at the moment. Plus, I'm really not feeling well at all and still have head pains. I'm going to try and get to see my GP but I've got my Consultant appointments coming up soon. I can feel my bed calling me.

spanna - lovely to see you! It feels like ages since I've seen you but I've not been here myself.

To all our Scottish Babes enjoy any celebrations you've got planned..... tatties and neeps for dinner?

Oh my goodness mouse - look how grown up that lovely boy is - and what a beautiful face - I think he looks like his Mum xx

to fellow Scots. Maybe some of other Scottish delights for dinner - langustines, scallops, salmon, venison.....

venus - I'm utterly biased but I love him more than anything in the world. He's super compassionate, caring and loving.

If he knows you're sad he just comes up to you and rubs your back with his little head rested on your shoulder. He never moans about his disabilities, except for when he's in pain. I've never known a child like him, he is our little star.

The weather here is biblical and I'm supposed to be at a committee meeting tonight.... I should really go. I can always come home if I start to feel rubbish as it's not far away. I've not had chance to rest today so maybe I'll try for an hour once Nemo is home.

I hope you're all safe wherever you are in this awful weather. Wrap up warm Babes xxx

I love the photo with the checked shirt mouse. Wee smasher.

I'm good thanks, lovely spanna, somehow seem to have reached Day 29.

I'm a veggie Scot so most of the traditional delicacies are off the menu. Also, I forgot

Hope DD is a bit better today Ma

Ma - I'm loving the video and I'm sending much love to DD2.... I think that if it is something viral, DD2 needs to keep her fluids up, her hugs up to the max and stay snuggled whenever she can.

Tell her that she is super talented in my eyes, unique, committed, devoted, the emotion in her life comes out in her voice. I still have the CD you sent me.

She's amazing. Love you DD2, let your mum look after you in between work, okay?

Ma - are you okay? FB me if need be.xxx

Aww thanks mouse. Yeah, the video had my name on it as the YouTube account so I had to take it done! Stoopid me!
I will pass on your message.

Good morning all

April Day 30 today That's good going babe, pat yourself on the back & make sure you buy yourself a treat, just for you no not another case of wine it is surprising how quickly the days pass. You are awesome

Mouse your boy is simply gorgeous I hope you're feeling better today x

Ma I loved that clip, she's very talented, so glad to hear it's not GF. She's in the best place with her mam x

Pop how you doing? sending hugs of strength x

Margie hope you're ok lovely x

I'm signed off work at the moment. I need to be here for DDs. DD1 went to Doc regarding her depression & anxiety, she admitted that she'd been self harming in the summer hols I am all over the place with this and feel out of my depth (not showing either DD this) I'm spending much more time with her and she's talking which is a plus. We're waiting for a referral to Cahms (can't spell) not sure how long we'll have to wait. I'm feeling quite anxious myself and really sad, upset and angry with myself. Mum guilt is a fucker! And all of this without alcohol!!! I must make the most of this time off work and get stuff done. I can feel a list of a list coming on.....

Have a good day everyone x

spanna sorry to hear about your DD it's good that you could take time off to be with her. 'Hugs to the max' as mouse would say

Well I told DH about the AA meeting, and he reacted as predicted. Said he didn't see how a bunch of old soaks would help. Suggested taking a pottery class instead.

Then went cold and silent. I feel really bad, I also then had a dream that his mother was disapproving of me... Now I really do want a drink...

spanna for that reaction. I think that people who are not alcoholics / problem drinkers just don't get what it is like to know (within yourself) that you are not really in control. It doesn't matter whether you (or your dh) think you've got an addiction or whether it is a bad habit that has got out of control, if YOU think AA might help then please give it a try. And give a pottery class a try too, or a writing group, or a 5 rhythms dance class. Ask your dh to support you in all of the above.

Interesting about the disapproval dream. Can you be the 'approving' mother to your own plans, love and approve of your own efforts to try doing something.

Oops, previous post should have read " aliasjoey for that reaction "

spanna I've sent you a pm x

Evening, tis me, Mouse*

Spanna - will pm you, I have close friends who read this, that's the only reason :) xxx

Joey - what venus said. With chocolate sprinkles on top in fact!

Like most things in our lives, unless you have experienced 'it' directly, you can't possibly empathise or really understand how it feels to be in that situation. I'm so sorry that your DH was like that, mine was too.

I was drinking almost 90 units a week when I first posted 5 years ago. At that time, that was all that mattered to me, it was consuming me, and I it!

Do what YOU have to do. It won't be easy, it hasn't been so far but there comes a time when you truly do realise that enough is enough. xxx

Ma - how's DD2 getting on now? Is she eating any more? Sending get well huggles from Nemo (he calls hugs "huggles" because he says he likes hugs and cuddles! :) xxx

spanna hope you and DD get the help and support you need.
joey that sucks. Don't be put off by his reaction. If it helped you then stick at it.
mouse thank you. Dd wants to meet nemo and give him huggles. If you ever need an au pair....She seems to be feeling better today. Has eaten all her dinner, walked past Ds and blew out his carefully lit advent candle, and is now trying to teach him how to play Gin Rummey. So nice to see them laughing together.
April well done you!

Oh gosh, what a lot of troubles some of you are dealing with at the moment. Sending you strength and courage x

joey how about asking your dh what harm he thinks it will do? What is he afraid of, that you will 'catch' alcohlism?

Thanks babes !

Well I've been to my first AA meeting! (Awards self a gold star)

But now I'm drinking (takes star away and gives it to spanna )

It was... interesting everyone was really friendly. Lots to think about! Thank you all for encouraging me to go.

Oh wow, well done joey! Did they give you a starters' pack and everything? Some of the leaflets I found quite helpful (even though I think I'd been drifting in and out of meetings for months before I finally acquired a starters' pack!).

Thanks for the kind words, spanna. I remember you wrote some lovely advice to me in the summer when I was struggling to try to get an article written - you suggested that I get out of the house to work instead of working at home, and that was absolutely spot on, because no matter how often I think I can work at home, I almost never can. Unless I'm doing something relatively mindless like marking essays. I'm so sorry about your DD. She's lucky to have you for a mum. It's practically the worst thing I can think of, seeing your child in pain and not knowing how to help them. :(

I actually feel like a bit of a fraud implying that I'm a sorted and 'together' person, because nothing could be further from the truth. I'm struggling a lot at the moment, mostly on the work front. It's the last week of the university term and it just seems impossible that I'll manage to get everything done in the allotted time. Reports to write, meetings to attend, admissions stuff to sort... I'm massively anxious, I'm functioning on minimal sleep, my house is a tip, I'm still having fairly nasty rows with my DH, and I'm binge eating every single night. A bag of crisps followed by a packet of biscuits followed by several handfuls of nuts ... you get the idea. I just have an addictive personality, I think. Sigh. The large quantities of food have a numbing effect not unlike that of the booze. But still... no hangovers! As little time as I have, I still go to my AA meetings like clockwork, because I feel like they're the strong slim cord that helps me hold onto my sanity.

I keep telling myself that over the Christmas holidays I'm going to get my act together: stop binging, start exercising, work on my research every morning, actually pay some attention to my family. Noble aims! And of course Christmas is a brilliant time of year to start eating sensibly. Oh wait...

Mouse, your Nemo is utterly adorable!

Venus, it's so good to have you around, you're so reassuring and wise.

G'night all. xx

isinde ! We missed you, how are you doing?