Brave Babes - Wrapping up for a Wonderful Winter

[venusandmars]

Hi, I am venusandmars and I've been on these threads for many years.

It can be tough at this time of year when the adverts are full of families cheerfully opening bottles of wine and good cheer, when work parties are alcohol fuelled, when distant friends call round with a bottle in hand.

Maybe you're trying to cut down a little in the pre-Christmas weeks, maybe you are struggling to know how to continue with a longer period of abstinence, maybe you are waking up after a Christmas Party feeling sick and covered in shame (or even feeling shame and covered in sick).

Whatever, whenever, if you want to stop, or cut down, or simply share your struggle with others who also feel the tug..... please join us.

Usually our lovely mouseface opens these threads, but the poor mouse is sick in hospital and so I am overcoming the technophobia that a 50-something feels.... (well done me ). Our last thread is here if you want to read the last few posts

And if you want to read the story from the beginning (you'll need a few weeks) HERE is where it all started when Jesuswhatnext posted in May 2010.

Welcome one and all x

[Elba84]

I agree that 14 units sounds like a ridiculously small number!! I think the advice about alcohol free days is very sound in its evidence though, and possibly a more obtainable goal for a lot of people rather than simply counting units. Not that I'm anywhere near being able to even follow that advice at the moment!

Made it sounds like your doing really well. You've admitted to people what's happening, which is great step, and so hopefully will benefit from their support and encouragement.

I'm still aiming to be in bed by 11 and just going to pour my last drink, but a big part of me now is thinking will one more do any harm, I don't have to be up early anyway, and I can always start tomorrow.

[dementedma]

Elba you have 15 minutes to finish that last drink, clean your teeth and be in bed young lady!!! Don't make me come round there.....

[Elba84]

ma I'm in bed now...only a few minutes later than planned.

According to drink tracker I have had 9.9 units, which is quite good for me at the moment, but equals 899 calories

[ClaretAndBlue30]

elba well done for last night, you did exactly what you'd planned and drank mindfully. I think that's a good way to go into any night of drinking...with a clearly defined goal. pop I agree; elbas idea is great, let's do it! i'll have a think about what I should plan to have...I'm thinking 2 glasses of wine but then part of me already worries that won't be enough.tut.

made you've done something that so so many people struggle with, set yourself up a support network in real life - and the support you've said they're giving you made me quite emotional, they clearly have your best interests at heart - grasp that support with both hands. And well done for last night! Keep it up.

[Elba84]

Thanks claret I was actually quite surprised that it was easier than expected. I think having written everything down honestly yesterday for the first time was quite cathartic and empowering. I have been trying to make myself do it for months, and while I can't tell anyone in real life it helps to have admitted everything on here and had such lovely supportive responses.

I pinged awake at 6.30 this morning which is very unlike me, and am enjoying not being hungover or asleep all morning. I also woke up hungry which is a rare thing at the moment! Just need to continue. Tonight/ tomorrow won't be much of a problem as have work tomorrow and Friday. Friday night will be my challenge as I know I will want to reward myself for working, and take advantage of the fact I am off on Saturday.

made how are you getting on?

[madein1995]

I'm ok, thanks everyone. I feel a bit shaky and can't imagine not drinking for a few weeks etc but I'm going to try my hardest. I've got a meeting with a tutor at 2.30 to talk about assessment feedback, then I'm going shopping to Tesco, then I've got to print off my CV. Tomorrow I've got a meeting with a careers adviser (pre arranged) to go over my CV so I can start applying for jobs. I'm also going to join the gym tomorrow which should help keep me occupied. I feel sick too, and I know I'm in a bad mood and trying not to take it out on everyone. I find myself thinking of ways to buy booze (not when shopping with friends cos I don't think they'd let me), like nipping to tesco in the time between my course and a doctors appointment (meningitis jab) on Friday, but then I stop myself because I don't want to be a slave to a bottle of something. I've made a word document with pictures of celebrities with drinking problems at their worst (Amy Winehouse (RIP), Lindsay Lohan etc), so I look at that and that kind of stops the craving. I feel a bit crap physically and emotionally.

[ClaretAndBlue30]

made sounds like you've got lots to keep you busy, fill your time, make plans and be conscious of your trigger times (for example mine is always from about 4pm, just as day starts to turn to night!)

I've spent many a day trying to factor in a trip to a shop of some description to buy wine...I've probably saved a fortune this month not buying unnecessary other things to bulk out my basket

Many many well known people have had trouble with drink and I've often found myself googling their stories. Good idea to do a photo board of them - visual things can be very powerful in kicking the craving.

elba weekends can be tough; but every day that passes you learn more tricks and tools to cope. Something that's really helped me is knowing the craving will pass, it does not get worse.

[madein1995]

I have never wanted a vodka as much as I want one now, my hands are shaking and I'm just about managing not to grab my purse and head to the corner shop. I've just had an argument with one of my friends over something assignment related and normally I'd have a drink or 3, but not I'm not and trying so hard not to. If I get through today I'm drawing a BIG smiley face next to today's date on the calender because it's bloody tough, I never knew how hard it would be!

[ClaretAndBlue30]

Hi made how are you now?

[madein1995]

I'm ok now, my moods seem to be all over the place at the moment! I'd still quite like a drink and my hands are still shaking, but I'm no longer at the stage of almost grabbing my purse and buying drink which is good.

I am missing the relaxed feeling alcohol brings (cups of tea aren't the same somehow...) I've joined the gym and also signed up to a boxercise class, I used to love boxercise and it'll give me a chance to get some aggression out! I must have a lot of anger inside me, for a laugh me and a friend were chucking a plastic coke bottle at our other friends notice board (sounds silly but was great fun), I hurled it and managed to knock down a wooden plaque off the board! My friends were quite surprised I had that in me I think but it did make me feel better.

I've made sweet and sour chicken and rice for tea tonight which was good, but I couldn't stomach most of it (fancy chocolate more!) so that's lunch tomorrow sorted. A good day so far. Just waiting til bedtime now when I can put that big smiley face on my calender.

[ClaretAndBlue30]

Gah I just wrote a lovely reply made and then lost it. Basically I said maybe your alternative to having a drink is boxing or something boxing related! One of the only times I managed to control my drinking in the past was when I was training for a marathon - it really refocused my mind - exercise can be a great distractor.

Anyway; well done and you're getting closer to the smiley face on your calendar!

[SmallFox]

Hey Made and elba, just checking in on you both. How are you doing? The first few days can be so tough but you both sound so determined and so wise. That doesn't make it easier but you're at least arming yourself with all the positivity you can. Good luck to you both.

Hope everyone else is ok - Ma how are you feeling? And Mouse lovely to see you again, hope Nemo's appointment went ok?

Sorry not to name check all - am sitting in a restaurant waiting for friends and am using all my energy not ordering wine or food (am still detoxing so it does beg the question why I am putting myself in the way of temptation when there is literally only one - v dull - thing on the menu I can eat). But I can't hide at home for ever...

Hope you're doing well, babes.

[Fairenuff]

I am missing the relaxed feeling alcohol brings (cups of tea aren't the same somehow...)

It will get easier made. The more you ignore that craving, the quicker it goes away. And in truth, alcohol didn't really relax you, it has led you down a dark, depressing path on a false promise.

You will find other ways to relax, sometimes active, sometimes restful.

Think back to a time before you drank. You didn't need alcohol then, you don't need it now.

Keep posting, let us know how you're doing. Oh, and if you want chocolate, have it!

Welcome Elba and big wave to all.

How's it going obrigada?

[madein1995]

I feel like I need a bit of a laugh so I've got a nice evening planned. Shower, body butter, pj's warmed on radiator, fluffy dog slippers, orange juice, sweetie cola bottles and dads army DVDs to cheer me up a little bit! My friends keep checking in on me which is nice, bless them. Even the one I've had a little tiff with and we're still not 100%, has came in to check in on me and told me off for not going to one of their rooms when I wanted to buy alcohol so they could distract me. Even though we're not 100% good she stills cares I really do have fantastic friends, I'm so lucky

[Elba84]

Bit of a mixed day here. Spent the morning on a bit of a high about the fact that I was enjoying a morning, on a day off, without a hangover. Then had phone appointment for assessment for counselling, which I was really positive about doing but was far more probing than I expected. Basically she said they only offer 6 sessions with them (nhs) and should self refer to s more specific service, which I wasn't totaly sure applies to me (I didnt admit the alcohol but hadn't planned to for various reasons), but she felt it does which in itself is a massive thing for me to get my head round (I'm being deliberately vague).

So basically after a long walk and lots of thoughts of what happened to me wasn't bad enough etc I decided to go for it and phone the other place, to find that they make no provision for shift work at all. It has to be same day, same time every week. I seriously doubt I will be able to get work to give me a fixed day off. So the first time I'm genuinely ready to try and be open/ seek support it seems it's not going to be possible, which resulted in me driving around in tears for about an hour before I felt calm enough to go home.

On the plus side I did manage to drag myself to the gym this evening which made me much happier temporarily. I have to work a 13.5 hour shift tomorrow so I can't drink much (for me- I have stuck to 8 units and stopped 9 hours before I have to drive to work which is normal for me before a shift). If I wasn't working though I'm sure I would be hammered by now. Instead I seem to be punishing myself by skipping dinner instead

Sorry for rambling on, I realise this is a totally unsupportive and self indulgent post

[madein1995]

Oh Elba, poor you, you sound like you've been through the wringer. Well done for keeping strong and sticking to your booze limit though, I know how tough it is (my hands are twitching right now!) so well done. The gym is a really good thing, the distraction will be good.
Don't worry about being indulgent, you have to be. I've been moping around like a bear with a sore head for days but at the end of the day, it's bloody hard and no one will blame you for finding it tough and needing some support. We're all here to help you
Try not to look too far ahead, worry about finding other counselling sessions after the 6 sessions with the first people, they might be able you access to other services. Just keep your mind on the present for now and try not to worry for the future. Please don't punish yourself lovey, you've nothing to punish yourself for xx

[Elba84]

Thanks so much made, and well done you are doing brilliantly! Exercise has always helped me so much but motivation to do it when low is hard. Maybe we should make a pact to go three times a week?? I think it was you that said earlier that your mood was all over the place?! I seem to be the same although I've not stopped or cut down that much. I guess, apart from the physical elements of alcohol, it's a big and emotional thing for us to actually put everything down into honest words. Most of my drinking life has been based in hiding what I'm drinking/have drunk/ have hid somewhere/ sneaking out empties etc etc etc. Being honest and open is for me a new experience, I normally live in my own head and have professional and social personas that don't reflect what's actually going on. This is probably why today was hard.
Unfortunately i can't get the six sessions as they have said the other place is more appropriate and don't know if they would accommodate shifts either...so much for inclusive services!!! Just frustrated and sad as it's literally the first time I'm ready to discuss stuff openly and Am actually desperate to talk, but I can't.
Hi and thank you to everyone else too, sorry for rambling again

[Elba84]

Oh and hope you enjoyed the dads army DVDs made... I'm a fawlty towers girl myself

[madein1995]

Thanks Elba, I feel sad and annoyed with myself that it's come to this but it is what it is, and all I can do is change the future now. That pact sounds like a fab idea, I always got pissed in the evening so they are the hardest for me, going to the gym in the evening will probably help.

My mood is definitely up and down, I agree that it's been tough emotionally - I've gone from hiding everything to telling 3 friends, plus the social services lady, plus you lovely ladies, plus admitting it to myself (which has been the hardest!) Those counselling services are a bit crap! Do you drive? If so, perhaps look at counselling services a bit further away? Granted petrol would be costly but I'm sure it's cash you'd spend on alcohol anyway so at least the money'll be going towards something productive

[Mouseface]

Evening, tis me, Mouse

Welcome to you Elba :)

Reading back there seem to be a few Babes struggling with drinking or rather the NOT drinking currently. I found that January and February were very hard because of how dark, damp, cold, and utterly shite the days were and then the nights got even worse. As soon as it was dark, it was drink o'clock, and of course it was hidden until 7/8pm when DH would start with a glass of wine with dinner.

Anyway, don't give up. If you really, honestly want to quit, want to stop with every fibre of your being, then you will get there. Really you will.

I did. I managed to get my drinking under control. I feel so much better but I still have to keep my eye and my drinking. One too many and that's it..... head in the loo.

I best stop waffling on at you all, thank you fox for asking after us all. The appt went really well, we're very lucky as we do get a lot of support from the CDC. Even if it is only once a year or so. They listen which makes such a difference to all of our lives.

New thread will be done first thing, I promise!

Night Babes xxx

[ClaretAndBlue30]

mouse you're an inspiration and your advice makes a lot of sense - dark winter nights are hard. Unfortunately for me the pull of a drink come summer nights is probably equally as hard, but hey, will cross that bridge when I come to it.

I've been logging my calories again just recently and it is blatantly clear why I didn't shift the remaining baby weight when drinking - I was easily 500 calories a day over. Fingers crossed the weight continues to come off until I'm happy with my size again....holiday in early March is my goal!

[ClaretAndBlue30]

I've been waiting for some time to sit down and write my plus points from doing Dry January....here goes;

*Sleeping so much better - i actually feel like i’ve been asleep when i wake up rather than just comatose.
*My skin has improved - it was dry, listless and blotchy before but now its much clearer and less puffy.
*I’m a nicer and more caring person, I have time to talk to my DH rather than just focusing on my glass of wine (which turns me into a mute)
*I’ve saved almost £200! Thats slightly over 20 bottles of my normal wine I’ve not drunk. Amazing.
*I’ve lost weight and have started to care about my appearance again.
*I eat better - not trying to replace food for wine constantly means i can enjoy some nice grub.
*The GUILT has gone, yes i still feel awful about times past but i don’t feel guilty every single bloody day now.
*My baby girl gets her best mummy the whole time rather than a half arsed, half pissed attempt at a mum. This is worth its weight in gold.

Thats just the beginning if i'm honest, i could go on and on!

[madein1995]

I feel much better today, really motivated and happy. I feel happier and have a better mood, I've rang my dad (poor man was getting worried as hasn't spoken in a while). I feel in a better place to crack on with things. Still feel sick but had good night's sleep so things are looking up.

[Tinkerbellx]

Still here but had wine most nights since last weekend despite good intentions .
I'm recovering from surgery and off work resting so want to go back in April with a healthier attitude and approach to alcohol .
Unfortunately being on medication i HAD to stay AF for 9 days in Jan but did manage more .
Back on the dreaded medication starting tonight so it's a shame it's the med that is forcing me to stay off and not me .
I know I'll feel good about myself when I do it but it's not easy .
I'm putting on weight too as having to lie about resting .... Can't even go out for a flipping walk !
Reading all the benefits from other posters is helping ! X

[madein1995]

Today has been a good day, much better than yesterday. I've still fancied a drink but I've been busy so haven't had much time to dwell. I had a good nights sleep which helped I think, and the physical effects have eased off - only feeling a little bit sick now. I'm glad I made it through yesterday, and proud of myself.

I feel happier and raring to go now. I'm shopping tomorrow and cracking on with my dissertation, and I'm going to the gym too. It'll be hard not buying wine but I'm determined not to and have lots of foodie treats to buy! I'm going out on Saturday but determined not to drink. I met the careers advisor today and went through my CV, I'm going to change it and email it to him tomorrow so he can look over it and I can start applying for jobs.

One thing shocked me, I was looking for leaflets in student services while waiting for careers advisor, and they'd run out of ones on alcohol, the woman at the desk said. It's telling I think, how many people on campus must be going through the same thing as me? It's shocking.

Anyway, sorry for the big reply, just letting you all know I'm out of the woods for now! Have no doubt it will get hard again and I'll be whinging but for now I'm staying positive and looking forward