Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How long does it take to get over a marriage ending due to an affair

243 replies

ComeDownToMe · 12/11/2015 11:32

Just that really. If the marriage was over 20 years, with kids, and you ended it after finding out he was cheating. How long before the hurt goes and you start moving on.

OP posts:
Helmetbymidnight · 14/11/2015 12:16

She's a brilliant example of an arrogant yet fucked up ow. That's why I engage.

AnyFucker · 14/11/2015 12:17

As great as this website (and other social media outlets) is, unfortunately it does provide a conduit for self absorbed and narcissistic individuals such as this one to indulge their need for attention, any attention.

AnyFucker · 14/11/2015 12:19

The best way to deal with it, as in RL, is to not give it the oxygen.

JonesTheSteam · 14/11/2015 12:24

However anything I got into was instigated by the MM, I did not do the chasing, and until now nobody had got hurt. I know it was still wrong.

Do you have no free will of your own, that you go around accepting 'scraps' off other women's husbands, who only saw you as an easy conquest?

And you are still doing that? But you can't see it.

You are one very sad person. Your life is so fucked up and yet you think it's OK to behave as you did because nobody got hurt?

Someone did, a woman and her daughter. And yet you still think it's OK as you have a wonderful relationship with her husband.

You wouldn't dream of cheating on him. Maybe you won't. Can't say the same for him. They're jut words. I bet he said them countless times to his wife while he was screwing all and sundry behind her back? Including you.

You need help OP. Simultaneously so arrogant and yet also so damaged. I almost feel sorry for you...

Original poster
ComeDownToMe · 14/11/2015 12:26

TheFormid look parenting my DP's DC will never be my responsibility but when his DC are in our home it does involve me to a degree.

I have posted previously asking the best way to handle the circumstances from their view as I wish to avoid making it any harder than it needs to be.

I accept it is painful for his ex and I do not tread on her toes. Parenting is down to him and his ex and not me.

Bath for the last time I do not rub his ex-wife's nose in it nor his kids. Really offensive and out of order to even suggest it.

OP posts:
BloodontheTracks · 14/11/2015 12:29

I humbly suggest everyone reading and contributing to this thread know that this poster has other threads in which people have given her time and thought and she narcissistically posts in order to vent her pain and get attention and validation. Don't bother reading them. She is not that interesting.
I talked to her a lot and took the time to empathise. With no cinsideration of past actions, Purely on the point of her returning here in this manner I judge her unworthy of having had belief or hope in, which I have never felt before.

Thoughts with those in Paris. Have a safe weekend everyone.

Original poster
ComeDownToMe · 14/11/2015 12:32

Bobs cheers for believing me. Yeah I guess there is quite a bit of truth in your post.

Sansoora I would think a lot less of him if he did not put his DC first. Actually life is going my way finally but it has been at the expense of other innocent people and I do struggle with that thought.

OP posts:
InTheBox · 14/11/2015 12:39

You are, and judging from your past threads, have always been a goady fucker. But I agree that we should stop feeding this. You will find out sooner or later.

I think I rather pity you, never have I come across someone on here or in RL with such little awareness. Perhaps you can set up some sort of OW website in which you get to regale each other with various tales and stories.

Sansoora · 14/11/2015 12:43

Blood I was just about to suggest we all stopped posting.

There are some people who just never 'get it' and even if you drove a stake through their heart they wouldn't feel it or understand things like the rest of us do. I think the OP is one of those people.

Original poster
ComeDownToMe · 14/11/2015 12:47

Bubble cheers I do wish to do the best by his family as much as I can. I never meant to hurt anyone and I did not think his wife would discover our affair and get hurt. Naive now I know and yes still wrong.

Blood sincerely I did appreciate your time in my other thread. Quite shocking in Paris.

Sincerely sorry to those of you who have been through similar. It was a honest question, I did not mean to stir anything up. Thank you to those of you who have been reasonable to me.

I will do as you all want now.

OP posts:
BloodontheTracks · 14/11/2015 12:48

Yeah, have a nice weekend, Sansoora. Hugs to you.

Tapirs · 14/11/2015 12:52

MN is generally a good place with the occasional cunt.

I've rarely encountered a cunt quite as cuntish and disingenuous as this one.

TheFormidableMrsC · 14/11/2015 12:57

FFS!! She's STILL at it and CLEARLY is unable to understand sarcasm in any form whatsoever. Thanking people with "cheers". Amazing. Like I said, no self awareness whatsoever.

"We both want his ex-wife to lead a wonderful, fulfilling, joyous life"...oh I'll bet you do, because that will assuage your guilt somewhat won't it? You are foul.

You keep stirring things up, over and over again. Hopefully you will leave Mumsnet and get on with your perfect life with that prick.

tableanadchairs · 14/11/2015 15:13

I fell in love with a man I shouldn't have and he chose to act on his feelings. It was wrong and selfish but it does not make us horrible people.

Actually OP it does. A couple of selfish nasty individuals who probably do deserve each other.

Alchemist · 14/11/2015 20:15

ComeDownToMe You really are a silly billy

I promise not to post again.

LibrariesGaveUsP0wer · 14/11/2015 20:24

I never intended for anyone to get hurt when we started our affair. I have a lot of guilt as a result of her finding out.

So where it all went wrong was her finding out. You are a special one OP, you really are.

When people have affairs, other people are hurt. You can't have an affair with a married man (or have an affair if you are married yourself) and claim you never intended to hurt anyone. It may not have been your aim, but it was the pretty fucking inevitable result.

And your guilt is for her finding out. Not for doing it. Guilt she found out. Why on earth is that? Ohhhhhh, were you the one who told her?!

MingZillas · 14/11/2015 20:42

This thread has made me angry and brought back memories from the past. My dad had affairs and then eventually left my mum to be with my now stepmum. My mum committed suicide 14 years ago, not just because of splitting up with my dad but other issues and being in debt as well.

OP you have no idea how much damage an affair does to people. You and your dp have wrecked that family.

You know what though? 6 months after my dad married my stepmum, he was shagging my mum again behind my stepmum's back. To this day she doesn't know and thinks he's wonderful. There's been times in my life I've nearly told her what my dad did but the twat would just deny it.

Deep down you will never truly trust him. How can you when your relationship is based on lust and lies!

Flowers to all the ladies who are re-building their lives. I have a 16 mo dd with my dp. If he ever betrayed me like that I honestly don't know how I would cope.

MrsFring · 14/11/2015 21:10

Pretty please MNHQ, could we have an early Christmas pressie? Ban this tiresome skank before she bores us all any further?

Alchemist · 14/11/2015 21:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Alchemist · 14/11/2015 21:13

Bloody hell, that is so inappropriate I am reporting myself but I hope you get the spirit of it.

Sorry.

MrsFring · 14/11/2015 21:14

Oh yes, my Gus and his trusty boxcutter....

Alchemist · 14/11/2015 21:15

Thank you.

MrsFring · 14/11/2015 21:15

Oops!

TheFormidableMrsC · 14/11/2015 21:32

I think the biggest thing our "feeling guilty" OP is missing here is this :

She may want the ex-w to skip off into the sunset and I quote her live a joyous and fulling life to justify their behaviour and make them feel better. However what she, and OW's everywhere fail to realise is that...when you involve yourself with a married man, especially a man with children, that wife, those children will be in your relationship for the rest of your lives together. They don't go away, you don't just get to "get on with your life". The fallout of what you have created is there forever, right under your cheating noses.

I speak as somebody whose ex-h's OW is SO desperate to get rid of us that I received a letter today telling me he doesn't need to know where we are living when we move some 200 miles away and I should just let him know a pick up point for his once a month contact. Our son is 4. He is a cunt and so is she. Bit like these two!

MingZillas · 14/11/2015 22:37

TheFormidableMrsC that is absolutely appalling Sad

Couple of total bastards.