How long does it take to get over a marriage ending due to an affair

[ComeDownToMe]

Just that really. If the marriage was over 20 years, with kids, and you ended it after finding out he was cheating. How long before the hurt goes and you start moving on.

Bacon

Apparently they haven't slept together in 3 years

I just laugh now, him and OW made my life hell for a good 3 years and now they are living unhappily together. He lost his car, lost his parents (I still see them) and his brother. He is 'very lonely'. and 'So so lost' and 'wants to runs away'

Karma's wonderful eh!

Indeed!! and very satisfying

OP, I'm quite shocked that you've posted on here and genuinely expected support (?).
It is absolutely none of your business how long it takes your DP exW to 'move on' How dare you presume to show any consideration for her!
I'm 7 weeks on from separating from cheating STBXH, I can't see I'll ever stop hating him. But I have some questions for you, purely out of interest.

1. Why did you never ask him to tell his wife and end their marriage before it got physical? Why didn't you do it if he wouldn't?
2. What now? Are you really going to stay with a man you will never be able to trust?
3. What honestly was going through your mind when you started the affair? Did you feel any guilt? Or did you laugh and joke about his stupid, unsuspecting wife?

I genuinely want to try and understand why a woman would do what you have done. Because I could never be so vile and cruel.

TheFormid why should I not try and make it easier for my DP's DD. I get I have wronged her and I cannot make it up to her. I get she is angry. I get all that. It don't mean I cannot try and make a complicated set of circumstances easier. She is my DP's DD so I care despite my conduct.

Freda I have said sorry to his ex-wife but she ain't interested in hearing it. She has made her feelings blatantly clear and she does not wish me to contact her in future.

Wristy not on your nelly. I don't do bored and I ain't keen on drama. We just wanna get on with our life.

Why the fuck would I come on here for amusement. Really? To get slaughtered every time. Hardly. I have posted to try and get a bit of insight to enable me to work my way through a delicate situation in the least painful way for all of us.

why should I not try and make it easier for my DP's DD.

Because she will always hate you for being the vile piece of shit that broke up her home.

If you genuinely cared about making things easier for her you would walk away from the revolting, ugly mess you created when you accepted being a married man's fuck toy and then let him use you for lodgings when his philandering caught up with him.

From what I've seen of these situations, you have virtually no chance of ever having any relationship with either of the teenagers you pretend, in your fake concern way, to give a shit about.

Your naivety and self-delusion is really a first for me on this board and I've been here a while.

In all the threads you've started about this situation, here and elsewhere on MN, you've been told the same thing. The mind boggles that you still don't get it.

Rock I know quite well I don't deserve support. I never expected any.

With reference to your questions.

1. it ain't my place to tell anyone to end their marriage. I weren't gonna ask him to. It weren't my place to tell her too.

2. why would I not stay with him. I do trust him and we are very happy.

3. lust took over and I was a selfish bitch. We both felt guilty and still do. We never once laughed about his wife nor considered her stupid. Horrid thing to say.

I ain't got an excuse cos there ain't one.

i really think you need professional help - your self esteem must be rock bottom

Why did you not change your username when you posted this new thread?

Bath I have no reason to walk away. Even if I did his DD's life will not be as it was. Her parents are not gonna get back together.

He did not use me for lodgings. He had his own place but wanted to be with me.

His DD is more tolerant of me than she was and in time my DP believes we will have some sort of relationship.

OP, you are a utter scum, you really are. Your "DP's" child is NOT AND NEVER WILL BE your concern. I am so angry reading your self righteous indignation...it's just mindblowing. Have you no self-awareness at all? You clearly have no idea whatsoever what it is actually like to hand your child over to the fucking bitch who broke up your family and destroyed your life. Who the hell do you think you are trying to have a "relationship" with her. You have NO RIGHT. There is absolutely NOTHING you can do to "ease the pain" you have caused. Nothing. I do wish you would stop posting here, you just come on and cause endless upset for those of us still trying to recover, sometimes years down the line. THAT is the reality of infidelity, shagging other people's husbands and ruining children's lives.

Just astonishing...

Beyond belief, I bet you thought you'd landed a really good catch (apart from having the morals of an alley cat by pitching for someone else's husband).....
Talk about deluded, smug, totally without scruples, self-centred......
All I can say is the very wronged wife will form a new life while you'll soon start wondering how long it'll be before he starts seeking his kicks with the next younger woman.
Once a cheater, always a cheater, he's bloody welcome to you.

Your dp is deluded. His dd will not forgive you. She might become less openly hostile to you but all you can hold for is civility. The best thing you can do is stay out of her way and let her dad try to make up for his despicable behaviour on his own and mend his relationship with her. You will not in any way be helpful in that process.

in time my DP believes we will have some sort of relationship.

Course he does.

You could make his daughter feel better by fucking off and letting her get used to her new life without his Dad shacked up with the piece of trash that ruined the old one.

The fact that you can't see any reason to leaves shows how fake and shallow your "concern" is.

Your only interest in that girl is the same interest you have in coming here - rubbing your eventual "victory" in her face.

Her tears and pain and confusion are your manna from heaven.

The only reason you have posted op (numerous times) it to be an utter gloating bitch. There is no other reason. So from your actions, and your posts, I can only surmise you really are an incredibly selfish, nasty piece of work.

You have just upset half of Mumsnet, destroyed a marriage and some kids, and yet you pretend to care. Not one of us is convinced by your faux kindness. Foul behaviour inded.

OP, if it is your intention to gloat then hear this: no one on this thread wants what you have. You have nothing to feel victorious about. You have achieved nothing with your sadistic posts. Now fuck off.

Thank you for your honest answer OP. You've confirmed to me that the OW in my broken marriage is indeed a selfish piece of filth.
You haven't upset me like you may have upset others, as appalling as your attitude is. But I suggest you apologise and leave this thread to fester.
I won't waste my time giving you relationship advice, it sounds like you deserve this man!

I don't think the OP came on here to gloat - not at all.

I think she came on here because now that she has this man and has wrecked his marriage and family (ok joint effort no doubt) she now wants to know how long before the ex wife "gets over it" so that she and he can go happily skipping off into the sunset. There is a word for this (well, several really) - SELFISH.

The fact that he has an ex and a DD means that in reality this might never happen.

So tough........

He did not use me for lodgings. He had his own place but wanted to be with me.

Yeah. Keep telling yourself that.

She didn't upset me.

I wouldn't want to be her in a million years

Life isn't going her way because if it was she wouldn't be here asking the questions she does.

She's swapped a wife being between her and the man she wanted for a daughter being between her and the man she wanted. She still doesn't have the man in the fullest sense. She is second best to his daughter/children.

He was away enjoying himself with his children and all the OP could do was post here to try and find a tiny glimmer of hope that one day she wont be getting left behind anymore. That she wont be like the child with her face and nose pressed against a shop window looking at all the beautiful things she'll never have.

Happy? Perhaps in the loosest sense of the word when its just her and the bloke behind closed doors but happy in the fullest sense of the word? I really don't think so.

Thats the OP's reality.

Who would want to be her?

sansoora your post is so spot on!!!

OP.

I'm one of the few not upset. I don't feel sorry for you, that's also the wrong word. I don't actually know what I feel for you.

I feel shock that deeply unbalanced and narcissistic individuals like you exist. I knew that people like you were out there. You've just made it so real.

I feel disbelief that your sense of what is ok and what isn't is totally off.

1. evidenced by your affair with a married man
2. evidenced by your post

I feel annoyed by your poor grasp of written English throughout your posts (although you don't strike me with someone with high intellect so I should let that one go).

Your sense of what is ok and what isn't is totally off. One day it's going to trip you up big style. I just hope your OH ex wife is there to see it happen. You're really not a very nice person.

TooSassy you've pinpointed my thoughts exactly! I haven't seen or spoken to my STBXH OW, nor do I want to! She's obv vile and is an after thought most of the time. I was genuinely intrigued to get OPs perspective because I have spoken to my H, I know he's a dirt bag and I have struggled to understand the OW and what was/is going through her mind. The OP here has definitely helped with that. It really is horrifying that these people exist!
to all the ladies here.

I'm also a little irked by OPs use of grammer, says a lot!