How long does it take to get over a marriage ending due to an affair

[ComeDownToMe]

Just that really. If the marriage was over 20 years, with kids, and you ended it after finding out he was cheating. How long before the hurt goes and you start moving on.

I think mention of the OP's grammar is a bit much to be honest.

I agree sansoora. rock I never usually correct grammar but I think I should point out that if you're going to criticise someone else's you really should spell the word "grammar" correctly.

There are plenty of things to criticise the op for but let's not descend into a grammar war.

So your the OW OP? You would do well to remember this, as the chances are you will be the next one he cheats, on rather than with.

Oops

Fortunately it is a free world fellow posters. And I shall post whatever I wish to post. I stand by my grammar correction. Because it is annoying. Particularly because it is combined with a superiority complex in the OP that is misplaced.

I personally wouldn't call the OP a c**t either but that's just me. I wouldn't call the poster on their post anymore than I'd expect anyone to call me on mine.

Back to thread.

OP, your DP is with you because his wife flung him out. Your DP is a habitual philanderer. If you think all is fine in your relationship you are sadly deluded.

Leave the ex wife alone, stop your DP trying to force a relationship between you and his DD and have some fucking respect. Oh and don't get too complacent. You're his second choice, you must know he's going to do this to you eventually, right?

Look I posted a question, I kept it very brief cos I did not intend to cause upset. I should have said I was asking for someone else eg I am not the wife and name changed.

I really don't mean to upset anyone hence my posting in chat last time.

I think calling me up on my English and saying I am thick is below the belt. I was a tad irate when I posted earlier as some comments are offensive and I was fucking freezing as I sat outside in my lunch break so I was posting quickly. FYI I could have gone to Uni and have a good job. I write somewhat better at work cos I have time to compose my emails and I am not being slagged off in all quarters.

It is extremely offensive, hurtful and fucking inaccurate to say I don't give a fuck about hurting his family. Why the fuck would I gloat when innocent people have been devastated.

I can see I have upset posters for which I apologise. There are a few points I would like to make and then I will do want you all want and fuck off out of relationships.

So go on then, what points do you want to make?

This'll be good...

I'm all ears....

OP. Go away. Not one person here cares that you feel hurt. Not when it is evident that there is a DC hurting far more than you could imagine.

All because of your actions. You had a choice. You pursued a married man. And broke up his marriage. All bad enough. But then you come on here expecting compassion and sympathy?

Which planet do you live on? And I question your intellect, not based on your grammar but based on your EQ. No one with one iota of EQ would think that coming in here and posting what you have is remotely ok.

BUT you STILL keep posting the same old shit! Endless threads, you NEED the validation, you WANT somebody to tell you that the ex-wife is going to skip off into the sunset and be happy for you because you're "made for eachother" and she really ought to recognise how shit her marriage was, you want her children to think you're a wonderful step-mummy and be right up there with her in terms of parenting, you want somebody to tell you that it's all OK. I couldn't give a shit whether you are offended or not. When I was sat in front of a CAMHS counsellor with my daughter, I could have cheerfully slaughtered my husband and the utter fucking oxygen thief he lives with. My life has been RUINED by somebody like you. My future has been stolen. At some point, I am going to lose my home. Every fucking memory I have ever had has been stolen and stomped on by somebody like you. Yet YOU'RE offended?! You have no idea of what "hurt" really means. Yes, do fuck off. I don't think anybody really wants to read any more of your drivel.

Ta-ta then

Oh. Btw. My definition of below the belt???

Having an affair with a MARRIED MAN!!!!!

You astound me with your sense of overinflated importance. I bet you're an absolute charmer in RL!!!

I think everyone on here has heard enough excuses over the years to write a book, we don't need yours too.
Do as you've said, f**k off and live unhappily ever after with the cheating rat. And leave his EW and DD alone, doing that will get you a teeny bit of respect.

CallMe I asked cos there is still a lot of hurt particularly with his ex-wife and we genuinely regret this. So yeah kinda wondering if she will get over it and move on with her life. It is distressing and I wanted to know if it would get better for her eventually.

Ravenmum I do appreciate you getting I have sympathy for her, it means a lot. I am very sorry, sincerely, for what your ex has done and I hope your life gets better.

AF yeah I did post before but your recollection of my posts is different to my own. I have not criticised his wife for not getting over it by now nor do I expect to play happy families with his kids. I asked for opinions as to the best approach with his DD - for her sake as well as ours.

Was that it? Are you done now?

I hope you got what you wanted out of this thread.

I want to know if it would get better for her eventually, if she will get over it and move on with her life. You really are something else. No she probably won't. I know very many people who have NEVER recovered from this sort of betrayal. I am struggling still after two years, the pain having barely receded. You've got your man, you've got to live with what you've done and I hope you feel guilty for the rest of your miserable lives. You have no reason to worry about the DD, she is nothing to do with you. Her parents concern only. Now GO AWAY!

I can't undo what we have done. I have been trying to make it easier for everyone in distressing circumstances.

I am sincerely sorry any of you have been hurt in this way. I did not intend to upset anyone further. I need to go now but if it is any consolation I feel incredibly guilty for the devastation I have contributed to and I will forever carry my guilt with me.

Good. I hope he does it to you. You might then have an inkling because you sure as hell don't have a clue what "devastation" truly is until this happens to you. No, it's no consolation at all. Fucking nerve.

Boo fucking hoo

OP I would name change in your position.

The thread has shown that the answer to your question is a very very long time, possibly forever.

If you need further insight on this subject, there are loads and loads of old threads in relationships that you can read. I posted some of them when my husband cheated on me and left me with a baby and a toddler. Under a different name!

I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and suggest that you do probably want to do your best re his family at this point and I don't think that when you entered into this affair that you fully realised the catastrophic consequences. I can understand why posters have laid into you, probably best to take this as an accurate measure of the wife's feelings and try and learn from the stories people have told on this thread.

My last piece of advice to you is it be careful that you don't waste your own life and your childbearing years with this man unless it is truly, truly the right thing for you. If you were my daughter, I would be worried for you. Please do spend several hours reading the relationships board. Post for advice under a different name.

I have been trying to make it easier for everyone in distressing circumstances.

Those circumstances were entirely within your own control. Marriages break up which is sad. People get together afterwards. Fine.

Sleeping with soneone else's partner while they are still married-not fine. That's when their kids hate you and that will never go away.

I have been trying to make it easier for everyone in distressing circumstances.

You caused the "distressing circumstances.

Nobody wants you, of all fucking people, making yourself feel warm inside imagining you are helping here.

The "everyone" you refer to is a family that has nothing to do with you, wants nothing to do with you, and that will never be anything to do with you.

You don't get to fuck up their lives and then give yourself a wide on "helping" them through it.

You are just a loathsome irrelevance to all of them.

Your supposed good intentions are an insult.

If you really gave the tiniest bit of shit in a 3 year olds pants about this teenage girl, you would not be plotting with her prick if a father to force his mistress into her life against her wishes.

But you don't care about anybody but yourself and the married men you lie to fuck.

Yeah I could tell how guilty you felt when you were crowing on the other thread about how sexy and kind and caring and shit hot in the sack your DP is. That's why I pulled you up at the start of the tread, your sneaky motivation behind your deliberately misleading opening post made me angry.

Why not explain to his DD you're genuinely sorry she's been hurt but the sex you're having with her dad makes it sooooooo worth it and why can't she be happy for you?

Now fuck off.

God, I don't normally do this, but I've just read your other threads. You really are a piece of work.

Incidentally, how are you in your 40s and him in his 50s with a 20 year age gap