Asking GF to go on contraception, am I being a ****

[tarpy]

Hi all, never thought I'd be on Mumsnet but hey ho. Need some advice, and unfortunately my guys mates are useless, my girl mates are a bit too close to my gf and obviously couldn't ask someone like my Mum.

Basically, I have been seeing my girlfriend since April. We are both 26 and she is absolutely lovely. Tbh I've been a bit of a commitment phobe for the last few years since a long-term relationship (living together etc, so pretty serious) turned sour. Basically thought I'd be happier on my own... Until I met her. She's almost exactly the same about me too.

We are both switched on and sensible people with good jobs and targets. Already had the conversation that we would both like to go a bit further with our careers, buy a house together in a couple of years then spend a year or 2 enjoying eachother's company in our own place before anybody "else" comes along.

We use condoms as protection at the moment... Well most of the time. We have both come in before (only when we have both had too much to drink) and had unprotected sex. She asked me too both times, and 100% not to "babytrap" me because it's then 6 weeks of worry and regret for the pair of us. But to be honest, that is only one of the reasons I don't want to use condoms anymore. Noo it's not (just) because "it feels better" etc etc (don't want to sound like me when I was 19 and a prick!) but it's because I do actually want to come in my girlfriend. I don't know why, and it's hard to explain, but there is some sort of psychological satisfaction that I get from that with someone you love. I'm used to condoms from 3 years of being "single", and don't mind wearing them; but as silly as it sounds I don't get the same feeling I do when I finish without one.

Do you girls think I'm being unreasonable? And what is the best way to approach her to ask it. I accept it is her body and it is her choice, and I'll never ask her again once she makes her decision. But I guess I don't want to sound like a kid who just doesn't want to use a condom because he cba. I want us to be 100% safe until the day we are ready; and I from an emotional point of view want to be able to come in my gf.

Cheers.
Tarpy

Only vaguely amused Gabilan. . . That's disappointing. Why don't you try to go all out for thigh slapping hilarity.

No there aren't horsey... What absolute tosh!

And maybe you should RTFT before passing judgement on how reasonable/unreasonable people are being...

horseygeorgie
What those studies show is that on average, men and women have some differences on some things that were tested.
But, as most biological systems, there is a lot of overlap. Enough to mean nothing at individual level.

It isn't even as clear as that TBH! They show on small sample sizes and by using certain methods some differences on average can be observed but the field of neuroscience is not even well developed enough to reliably judge if the differences observed in these studies are actually real!

Their brains are different horsey. Some interesting studies done on subsequent impacts of these differences.

True.

I meant, true Offred.

I don't know. I have what would probably be considered a mostly male brain. What does that mean?

There may be differences, there may be significant differences, there may not. If there are they may be a result of evolution or social conditioning they may be more or less significant in terms of how they affect behaviour etc than people suspect now. We actually do not and cannot know just now within the limits of the technology and science that we have at the moment.

Take anything appearing to 'prove' differences between brain and behaviour with a massive pinch of salt...

But you obviously are Offred! I'm bowing out now, I'm clearly very wrong and have no place at all having an opinion. I'll check back later and ask what I should be thinking.

scuttles off to watch endless amounts of House on netflix

Lweji - I think if you read most posts in regards to this they hardly seem 'educating' to me. More like condescending.

Bows to anyone with an opinion and their opinions that can't be challenged.

No, I am not passing judgement on posters. I've said certain behaviour is sexist.

I have RTFT...

There is a scientific study by simon Baron-Cohen and his research group that examines differences in brains. According to that, I have an extreme male brain. Yet my body conforms to western ideals of femininity and I menstruate every month.
It's not a male brain, it's just statistically more common in men. And in my case, extreme enough that an average man and average woman have more in common with each other than either of them have with me.

Condescending as in explaining something that we think a good man should know? Perhaps some. But it does depend on the reader.

Maybe people feeling condescended to should just; 'lighten up', stop being 'ridiculous', stop being 'hysterical' and recognise that 'some people just use the wrong words'...

Yes?

And if they don't they are 'nit picking', 'finding reasons to be offended', 'finding reasons to hate [women]'...

Yes?

Or maybe if someone disagrees with someone else's interpretation they could disagree with the view rather than personally attack the poster...

"I want to be able to come in my girlfriend" is the most hilarious thing I've read

Well, I would say this is pretty basic biological? seeing as the world population is now at an unsustainable 7 billion...

Not a laughing matter really. And part of the refugee crisis in EU is also to do with climate change in the world, here is the info on Syria....

journals.ametsoc.org/doi/abs/10.1175/WCAS-D-13-00059.1

Nothing to do with the OP I know. Which is what I want to say to OP. Having a good relationship is being able to talk stuff through, including contraception. And. If it goes wrong, then what? Always helps to do that soul-searching, whether man or woman... And. could I do it on my own?...
(death, abandonment, divorce etc.).

So Offred is now calling people out on personally attacking a poster.
Perhaps re-visit your comment at 17.43:51

As you were

Well yes...

An insult is being disrespectful or abusive in what you say.

Saying someone is sexist is not an insult. It is an observation. Feel free to disagree with said observation but it's not an insult.

You called him a knob

Anyway. . . I'm done. Am knackered. Eyes tired.
Care to join me

I referred to his own comment that he was a knob in his younger days and said he was still coming across as one.

I didnt call him a knob.

To be fair, the OP said he had been a knob before. Offred just said he still came across like one.