Asking GF to go on contraception, am I being a ****

[tarpy]

Hi all, never thought I'd be on Mumsnet but hey ho. Need some advice, and unfortunately my guys mates are useless, my girl mates are a bit too close to my gf and obviously couldn't ask someone like my Mum.

Basically, I have been seeing my girlfriend since April. We are both 26 and she is absolutely lovely. Tbh I've been a bit of a commitment phobe for the last few years since a long-term relationship (living together etc, so pretty serious) turned sour. Basically thought I'd be happier on my own... Until I met her. She's almost exactly the same about me too.

We are both switched on and sensible people with good jobs and targets. Already had the conversation that we would both like to go a bit further with our careers, buy a house together in a couple of years then spend a year or 2 enjoying eachother's company in our own place before anybody "else" comes along.

We use condoms as protection at the moment... Well most of the time. We have both come in before (only when we have both had too much to drink) and had unprotected sex. She asked me too both times, and 100% not to "babytrap" me because it's then 6 weeks of worry and regret for the pair of us. But to be honest, that is only one of the reasons I don't want to use condoms anymore. Noo it's not (just) because "it feels better" etc etc (don't want to sound like me when I was 19 and a prick!) but it's because I do actually want to come in my girlfriend. I don't know why, and it's hard to explain, but there is some sort of psychological satisfaction that I get from that with someone you love. I'm used to condoms from 3 years of being "single", and don't mind wearing them; but as silly as it sounds I don't get the same feeling I do when I finish without one.

Do you girls think I'm being unreasonable? And what is the best way to approach her to ask it. I accept it is her body and it is her choice, and I'll never ask her again once she makes her decision. But I guess I don't want to sound like a kid who just doesn't want to use a condom because he cba. I want us to be 100% safe until the day we are ready; and I from an emotional point of view want to be able to come in my gf.

Cheers.
Tarpy

I've only skimmed through the thread because I don't want to read 3 pages of you getting your arse handed to you for calling women 'girls'.

Some women don't do well with hormones, and it sounds like your gf is one of those people. I am as well. If it's affecting her behaviour and making her irrational, tetchy etc it's no good for her and no good for your relationship. That means all hormonal contraception is out. The coil is usually very uncomfortable for women who haven't had children, in addition she won't be able to have a hormonal one so she'd have to have a copper one which will make her periods fucking horrendous. It's not worth it.

If you both want to get rid of the condoms you need to read 'taking charge of your fertility' by Toni Wechsler. Both read it, get to know it, it's the solution you need. Hope it works out for you.

Tapirs, where are your manners?? There was absolutely no justification for you abhorrent rudeness. You should be ashamed.

But I have no doubt you won't be.

And you'd be right. Well done.