Asking GF to go on contraception, am I being a ****

[tarpy]

Hi all, never thought I'd be on Mumsnet but hey ho. Need some advice, and unfortunately my guys mates are useless, my girl mates are a bit too close to my gf and obviously couldn't ask someone like my Mum.

Basically, I have been seeing my girlfriend since April. We are both 26 and she is absolutely lovely. Tbh I've been a bit of a commitment phobe for the last few years since a long-term relationship (living together etc, so pretty serious) turned sour. Basically thought I'd be happier on my own... Until I met her. She's almost exactly the same about me too.

We are both switched on and sensible people with good jobs and targets. Already had the conversation that we would both like to go a bit further with our careers, buy a house together in a couple of years then spend a year or 2 enjoying eachother's company in our own place before anybody "else" comes along.

We use condoms as protection at the moment... Well most of the time. We have both come in before (only when we have both had too much to drink) and had unprotected sex. She asked me too both times, and 100% not to "babytrap" me because it's then 6 weeks of worry and regret for the pair of us. But to be honest, that is only one of the reasons I don't want to use condoms anymore. Noo it's not (just) because "it feels better" etc etc (don't want to sound like me when I was 19 and a prick!) but it's because I do actually want to come in my girlfriend. I don't know why, and it's hard to explain, but there is some sort of psychological satisfaction that I get from that with someone you love. I'm used to condoms from 3 years of being "single", and don't mind wearing them; but as silly as it sounds I don't get the same feeling I do when I finish without one.

Do you girls think I'm being unreasonable? And what is the best way to approach her to ask it. I accept it is her body and it is her choice, and I'll never ask her again once she makes her decision. But I guess I don't want to sound like a kid who just doesn't want to use a condom because he cba. I want us to be 100% safe until the day we are ready; and I from an emotional point of view want to be able to come in my gf.

Cheers.
Tarpy

Oh yes. I used to work graveyard shift in a pub in Yorkshire (Sunday afternoons).
'arf a pint of mild please luv' Followed by old man nursing said 'arf a pint for an hour.
I've never tried it but imagine it is actually quite pleasant. But for someone who checks the abv on the wine to ensure maximum 'punch' I think I may find it lacking!

(and NO, I am not an alcoholic! I drink very moderate amounts. Only when the 4 year old has had 'frozen' on repeat.)

See you are just not middle class enough for MN now U2 with your Malibu/Tia Maria suggestions...

I always had archers and lemmo and thought I was better than the guys on Malibu when I was about 15...

I once spent the weekend in bed with a bottle of port!

now is not the time to mention that is regularly drink wine out of the bottle

Next you'll be suggesting we do our weaving with those smiley potato wot sits instead of lentils...

Of course you should ask her. You don't want a kid but you want to enjoy sex. Ask her. You both discuss it. End of. No big deal really.

I have wine at home, real ale in the pub. Whisky when it's available. Baileys at christmas. That is all.

I have anything that is offered really dark mild, regular mild, wine, stout, porter, vodka in that order every night of preference.

Cracked open a bottle of porter now...

I chose to go on the pill because I don't really like the rubbery smell of condoms that then make my vagina smell of rubbery condoms. For the avoidance of doubt, yes I do wash regularly.

My DH and I used condoms early on in our relationship. I made a personal choice to go back on the pill after coming off of it at the end of a LTR.

My body, my choice and was just a better more sophisticated contraceptive choice IMO. I didn't discuss it with him, just advised him of the change which he accepted. Yeah, like he was going to ask to go back to using condoms.

I was single for a few years in the interim between ending LTR and meeting DH. I wanted barrier contraception as I was practicing safe sex and also to deliberately inconvenience the bloke I was fucking.

OP's GF might be happy with the current contraceptive arrangements, thank you. I agree with what has been advised, just ask her. This is supposed to be a grown up relationship after all, isn't it ?

Sorry. Just come in from a very pleasant evening and ICM in bed a little bored as she has fallen asleep and I'm just checking my work e-mails (strangely, when she said 'let's got to bed, I judged the mood that she was tired after a long day and resisted the overwhelming urge I have to rape her having been conditioned by years of porn... Or something like that)

Was actually lovely just to spend the day together. No work. No distractions. Just us having fun in each other's company. Which even at 25 tbh doesn't happen all thst often!

I make no bones about the fact that she is my best friend, and any other stuff like sex or serious relationship stuff comes behind the fact she sometimes is just the person who I have the most fun with!

I'm no longer annoyed. And appreciate the advice I've been given.

BTW. Offred. Hope you meet a nice person who makes you happy one day...

I'm off to sleep now. I'm knackered too. Night x

See you are just not middle class enough for MN now U2 with your Malibu/Tia Maria suggestions...

I know. Will I redeem myself if I say I also like Baileys and that pink peach stuff from Aldi?

I thought Tia Maria was middle class I blame the Doom Bar.

I make no bones about the fact that she is my best friend

Tarpy you mentioned yesterday that you have "a good feeling about his one" FWIW so do I, and I don't even know either of you

I completely respect that some will differ - and maybe my view's worthless anyway since my OH turned out to be a bastard - but that doesn't mean I can't be happy for someone it's working for, and I think both your motivations and what you've done already are lovely

tarpy got a hard time here. women ideally prefer no condoms too?

"women ideally prefer no condoms too?"

Some of them might. I find hormonal contraceptives make me feel ill. I like the protection that condoms offer against many STIs and find little if any difference in sensation, at least with thinner, better designed condoms. And I don't find they interrupt things, they're just part of it. That's me though - I wouldn't make a statement about anybody else and I'd avoid generalisations.

Nope, don't like the feeling of having stuff inside me and feeling it slowly leaking out. Don't like wet patch. Condoms nice and neat from that point of view.

What a weird, weird thread!

I'm quite happy on my own TBH, dont need a relationship for happiness! Better to get it from myself, how needy and insecure some people are that they define themselves by the person they are knobbing!

Just packing up from an absolutely wonderful few days.

Probably going to be the last time I visit MN. The majority on here seem like lovely people, but based upon this and a few other threads I've lurked on, there is a vocal minority who claim to be tolerant, enlightened people... Yet shout down and are intollerant of all those who disagree with their enlightened views... But the majority of the advice I was given, even that I didn't agree with, was excellent. Thank you..

Offred. I'm glad you're happy alone. so was I, have deliberately avoided relationships in the last few years because there is no way that someone else could make me happier than being on my own. The freedom to do what I want, when I want and with whom is great. And, rightly or wrongly, lack of things to engage in 'knobbing' with was never an issue for me... I was just massively fussy and loved my life and myself more than anybody else...

But. Somehow with her I don't feel that way anymore. She makes me a better person than I was on my own (and contrary to what you may think, i'm a pretty good person). Its as simple as that. I've been with more than enough females (girls is unacceptable) and there has always been a 'she's great BUT....'. With her there are no buts. Early days to know where its going but I know that I'm so glad I met her and it would take someone pretty special to change me from the single person I was. Even my immature, sexist pig friends are happy for me, and don't even take the piss out of me!

Iamglad you are happy. But all the same i do hope you meet someone who makes you a better person... Seems like a rare thing! I'm going to try my best not to fuck this up and throw it all away.

I'm off to the airport now to come back to rainy england and the pressures and distractions of daily life! Still, 4 days with your best mate on holiday makes it worth it. My ribs hurt from laughing!

Bye bye MN. Thanks for your help! Might be back in a few years when I need advice on how to execute some other sexist, controlling plans I may have!

Bye.

Make sure the door doesn't hit you in the arse on the way out.

P.S. to those that PMd me. Wish I could reply to all of you but thank you. Fwiw, I agree. It's just sad it's like that round here. Seems like you are damned if you do, and damned if you don't...

Oh just fuck off now already

You can reply to PMs.

Tapirs. You sound delightful. Thank you and bye bye.

Has he gone yet?

Thank fuck for that.

Right, people, as you were.

You're not the first sexist to try and condescend to me using PA... You undoubtedly won't be the last!