Dumped

[Springheeled]

Have just been dumped after 7 months. At least, think I have. I feel like I want to die. Not literally, I mean, I am not suicidal, but the hours are passing so slowly and I keep crying.

"The few weeks when he still had the house were lovely." and then? previously you said there was no indicator of this, and now you're saying that those few weeks were lovely. So what changed when he moved in? other than the fact he was a user and didn't pay his way.

No, he was married for many years. That's not his thing at all. He's legit in that sense, not a player.

What changed was that suddenly that lovely 'courtship' phase was over and the getting to know each other was now being conducted under one roof. Still lovely, just different-

Well maybe but I don't think so. And I'm 100% certain no cheating as he's been here all the time

Hindsight is a wonderful thing! I'm sure thinking back now you can see that him moving in so quickly wasn't right. A man should show a bit more respect - sounds like you were under pressure to have him move in because he stopped renting his house and got made redundant. He could have carried on renting the whole time surely, using his redundancy money? Also a man should never move in unless they intend to pay half bills (even if they have another house for weekends) and should be upfront about this from the start. I think he's been disrespectful from the get go. And the silent treatment...nothing more disrespectful than that. It means he doesn't respect you enough to talk it through. All you did was call him up on what he should be paying, so it's not your fault you had the row. It was his.

I don't think he was necessarily cheating tho and it doesn't mean he didn't enjoy being with you. Just that his tiny mind can't understand that if he lives somewhere it is decent and respectful to pay half. And that you can do without (along with a man that uses silent treatment/fails to respond to texts asking him what's going on).

I feel for you. It can feel like a ton of bricks when you realise that someone isn't who you wished they were. But you must must remember it was him, not you, that was at fault.

The tight chest feeling will go - stay calm and breathe. Love yourself. Look at your children and know that you made these kids. That makes you wonderful. Enjoy your time with them, go to the cinema, go shopping, go out to eat. Keep busy doing things together.

Thank you. I know it will heal in the end. It's the shock, I think.

I'm sure it's a massive shock. Hope you are ok.

I didn't sleep a lot and it's work now so all I can hope today is that at least I keep busy

I hope you have a good day at work. It'll probably help to get out of the house and to have to think about other things.

Was he with his DCs this weekend just gone?

I'm glad your back at work today, it'll give you something else to concentrate on

At work but very wobbly. Yes, I think he was with dcs some of weekend but not normal access weekend.

Now the weekend is over, is he coming back for work? Or has his redundancy started?

Just be careful if he contacts you now to ask yourself, 'What does he want from me?'

Don't be his bargain B&B.

Agree don't be 'useful' when needed.

Hope work takes your mind off it all.

I have literally no idea what he is doing :( still no contact

I really feel for you. What a total coward he is. Unless he's been run over by a bus to not give you the time of day is just cruel.

To me that sort of treatment is what you ought to do to someone who has been abusive not someone who has been kind ,loving and opened up their home and heart to you.

I'm sorry it took 7 months for him to reveal his true colours. Get angry op you deserved much better than this free loading parasite.

Be proud that you called him out on it. This could have gone on for years.

Hi OP. Hope work was all right today. And that you're ok.

Oh OP, I could have written your post 2 years ago. In fact I did more or less.
I was seeing a guy for a few months who reacted like your bloke has done the first time we argued. I came on MN for advice & was told in no uncertain terms to kick him to the curb.
I didn't listen, after all, other posters didn't know just how special & wonderful & amazing a boyfriend he'd been up until that point.
Anyway, I took him back that time & every subsequent time he did it for the next year or so before I finally saw the light after he had ruined my fucking life, my self esteem & mashed up my head.

Don't fall in to this trap. This man doesn't love you. He's a selfish, emotionally retarded baby.

Take care of yourself xxxxxxx

So, how's today been OP?