Dumped

[Springheeled]

Have just been dumped after 7 months. At least, think I have. I feel like I want to die. Not literally, I mean, I am not suicidal, but the hours are passing so slowly and I keep crying.

The thing is there has just been no evidence at all that he is any kind of player. He has been kind and steady really

It's possible it was love but he doesn't deal with conflict. If it is unbearable then you could go to a walk in centre to get something to calm you down. I doubt you will never speak again. If you want to make a go of it you need a long and honest discussion about how you deal with conflict.

You cause for concern re £££ may be valid though.

but there has been evidence that he's not reliable. YOu had a row over his lack of contribution Over the fact that he hasn't been paying his way, that alone is evidence of his commitment to the relationship. And when called on it he left without a word and hasn't been back.

Anyone can say the things you want to hear for a while. But everyone has a breaking/tipping point at which the facade slips and the reality emerges.

What do you know about him? Why did his previous relationship break down? How many relationships has he had since and how long did they last and why did they end?

no not necessarily a player, but definitely not someone you could rely on to see you through a crisis either.

and tbh never speaking to him again should be a goal to aspire to not something to fear. If someone who claimed to be serious about me walked out after a row and went nc I would never speak to them again.

I will never understand these people who can stay in relationships where a row resorts in days and days of no contact and waiting around for them to get back in touch. And I hate conflict and never go to sleep on an argument if I can help it, and would hate someone to go nc with me over a row. but walking out saying it's over and making contact on their terms is unforgivable IMO - there would be no second chances.

I am in my house now and struggling to get my breath. A friend is going to come. I am just so, so sad

It is unforgivable and I need to take control. But I don't know where to start. I have piled everything up, tbh it isn't a lot and I guess I can charity shop it. But I still wonder if he will come and get it. Next problem is how to cope in my house with all the memories and stop bursting into tears in front of the kids.

Thank you all here for your input. I'm finding it hard to see the truth for what it is but I will get there

How did the row start?

It was my fault.

It started over something trivial and ended up being about all the old issues with lack of trust. I wish I could turn back the clock

Ok so you voiced mistrust.

You threw into the mix that you'd like him to contribute more financially, or that you were worried about him paying his way in the future? Something like that?

What happened then?

It doesn't matter whose fault it was. Couples argue. Walking away, and going no contact is not ever an acceptable response.

I know you don't want to hear it but it is a signifier of a controller, regardless of how he has behaved prior to this.

I am assuming now that he will either never contact me again or that he is wishing to be honourable and do the full break up face to face. To be honest, I'd rather he didn't feel the need to be honourable, that's kind of a non issue now.

Either that or he is genuinely conflicted

It is going to be so hard to pick myself back up.

Is this the first time you've ever broken up with someone?

No, not at all! But it's the first time that it's ever happened to me like this. This is a whole new one. Usually things dwindle, or there's some notice at least. Or the actual words 'it is over' are said

No.
:(

I just feel paralysed. Do I go nuclear and delete and block etc or wait it out?

Did you tell him to go? Ask him to leave?

Just trying to work out if he's taking some space or being a knob.