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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dumped

196 replies

Springheeled · 30/10/2015 17:40

Have just been dumped after 7 months. At least, think I have. I feel like I want to die. Not literally, I mean, I am not suicidal, but the hours are passing so slowly and I keep crying.

OP posts:
Original poster
Springheeled · 30/10/2015 19:48

I felt he should have offered to contribute more

OP posts:
TooSassy · 30/10/2015 19:54

OP.

Please don't be torn up with guilt that 'you started the row'. That isn't how you can live life with anyone.

None of us are perfect. We all say things that don't come out right. It's life. The reaction after an argument should not be as extreme as its over. Via text. That's not a grown up mature response. That's a tantrum my DC's would throw.

I'm sorry you're hurting. But really this isn't healthy or reasonable behaviour (on his part). Even if he calms down and comes back, are you now going to think twice about what you say from here on in? Sorry but that's no way to live.

brokenhearted55a · 30/10/2015 19:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Springheeled · 30/10/2015 20:06

I am sure he is not abusive. But I am really struggling with the silence, really struggling badly. I think I'm going to go to bed and try to sleep.
I don't think this is a normal reaction to a row, but what would I know? All I know is that we were doing fine, better than fine, until this week.

OP posts:
NotTheSpiceOfLife · 30/10/2015 20:07

He is punishing you. Leave him be, and let him get in with it.

Original poster
Springheeled · 30/10/2015 20:10

Yes, he is punishing me. Will it last forever?

OP posts:
brokenhearted55a · 30/10/2015 20:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TooSassy · 30/10/2015 20:16

It's NOT a normal reaction to a row. And if you truely care for someone, you don't ignore someone this way.

Original poster
Springheeled · 30/10/2015 20:16

It didn't start over money, but yes point taken.

OP posts:
Original poster
Springheeled · 30/10/2015 20:19

Do you think it's not normal? I thought a lot of people needed to go and take space or time out. I don't get that personally but I thought I was the odd one out.
My last dp used to do the silent treatment also but more drastically. I think it's a control thing.

OP posts:
Original poster
Springheeled · 30/10/2015 20:20

All I know is that I don't know how I can go on without him at the moment. I mean, I will, I will do day after day. But I can't bear this at the moment.

OP posts:
Samaritan1 · 30/10/2015 20:28

That feeling when a relationship has ended (or you think it has at least) is so awful, I've been there a few times. But every single time that terrible feeling passes eventually and you move on.

That will happen for you, but you just need to get through this period of intense feeling and it is bloody horrible. Talk, talk, talk to whoever you trust to listen and it will help you get your head together.

I hope things work out for you, whatever is going on with him. Just try to remember that the feeling of loss is normal, but it WILL pass. Thanks

Original poster
Springheeled · 30/10/2015 20:34

Thank you Samaritan. He said I was the one :(

OP posts:
Original poster
Springheeled · 30/10/2015 20:36

I think I'll go to bed. I just feel trashed completely.

OP posts:
SurferJet · 30/10/2015 20:38

(( hugs ))
We've all been there op.

Here for you so just keep posting. xx

Original poster
Springheeled · 30/10/2015 21:07

That's kind thanks. I'm just reeling

OP posts:
Original poster
Springheeled · 30/10/2015 21:08

I didn't see this coming, not at all

OP posts:
SurferJet · 30/10/2015 21:25

Try & get some sleep. Switch your phone off ok.

PamDooveOrangeJoof · 30/10/2015 22:40

If it was over him contributing more and now he's gone silent, it sounds like a control thing after he's been caught out!!
He's punishing you so you beg him back and forget all the stuff you (probably quite rightly) pulled him up on in th first place.
Get some sleep and please don't contact him anymore. It sounds like you were right to air your stuff and now he has taken the power back by ignoring you.

magiccatlitter · 30/10/2015 23:54

Just wondering has he been unemployed the time you've been together and have you been paying for everything while he's living with you?

Original poster
Springheeled · 31/10/2015 06:41

He works but keeps a house down south for spending time with dcs. They live there.

OP posts:
HuckfromScandal · 31/10/2015 07:56

The more I read, the more the alarm bells rang.
Suspect you've had a lucky escape.

You have brought up him not contributing enough (and therefore not being a cocklodger). It's turned into q massive argument, and although the relationship was serious, he's called time and gone silent.

Could this be to force you to apologise, retract all stuff that you raised (entirely reasonably) and maintain status quo!!!??

If that is the case - cry and mourn the relationship that you didn't have.
Beciase he has just shown you who he really is - believe him!!!!

Original poster
Springheeled · 31/10/2015 08:09

I don't know if I can think of it this way. I think he felt very got at.
We have never been this long without speaking. It's killing me, I can't bear it.

OP posts:
NotTheSpiceOfLife · 31/10/2015 08:37

Most people feel got at it in an argument, that's kind of the nature of the beast!

NotTheSpiceOfLife · 31/10/2015 08:39

And what Huck says - you wanted him to contribute, and he's gone crazy. What does that tell you?

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