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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I seem to have accidentally aquired a live-in boyfriend. What the hell do I do about it?

435 replies

whostheJohnsonnow · 26/10/2015 18:15

In a nutshell...

I live in London, and have a flat that comes as part of my second (voluntary) job.

My boyfriend has just been offered a temporary job in the city. He normally lives with a family member in a neighbouring county. My issue is this: He has put my address as the address he lives at ( with my knowledge) as he was struggling to find employment in his own area. Trouble is he now seems to think that it is fine to stay at mine to save himself travelling everyday. I love him, but I also love my own space. I don't want to upset him, but I also seem to have gained a live in partner without asking. What do I do?

OP posts:
Original poster
whostheJohnsonnow · 27/10/2015 18:35

In fact thankyou everyone who has taken the time to reply to me. I really appreciate itSmile

OP posts:
Offred · 27/10/2015 18:45

You could wait until you snap but why would you and what would it take? You losing your home? Being done for fraud? How much of yourself do you want to give to him before you take some action?

AnyFucker · 27/10/2015 18:49

Spend your money on your gee-gee

You have backed a loser with the other old nag.

expatinscotland · 27/10/2015 18:52

What Offred said.

Original poster
whostheJohnsonnow · 27/10/2015 18:59

I'm not a betting woman AF, but I fear you may be right.

His text response to me telling him my vets bill cost was. "I'm sorry it was so expensive, but it could have been a lot more"

Because I am on 50 odd grand a year, and a hundred quid won't at all leave me struggling until payday.Hmm

OP posts:
Kittymum03 · 27/10/2015 19:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

suzannecaravaggio · 27/10/2015 19:05

he may see himself as being in competition with the horse for your money and attention

expatinscotland · 27/10/2015 19:08

He's a cocklodging loser who could cost you your home and get you in trouble with the council. And he doesn't care about you. The Freedom Programme is something you should try.

Muckogy · 27/10/2015 19:09

do you want this all still hanging over your head in January 2016?
thought not.
make sure you DO kick this cocklodger out.

AnyFucker · 27/10/2015 19:14

if you didn't have this life sucking cocklodger hanging on to your coat tails, a hundred quid wouldn't feel quite such a life changing amount of money

AnyFucker · 27/10/2015 19:15

think how much money you have wasted on this ever-open cess pit and has it brought you even an ounce of the joy your horse has ?

I think not

YouBastardSockBalls · 27/10/2015 19:16

Is it a sarcoid? Pm me if you like, I have quite a lot of experience with them Smile

YouBastardSockBalls · 27/10/2015 19:16

Oh and yes obviously, spend your money on your horse instead of him!

Offred · 27/10/2015 19:50

I feel like we should all turn up at your house and usher him out for you...

I know it is hard to do but really it will be upsetting and difficult for a short time if you can muster the strength. Then you will have your home back, you'll be able to focus on your horse etc.

If you keep facilitating him you could lose everything - job, home and surely horse as a result, couldn't you? And then you'd lose him anyway cos when the money runs out he isn't going to stick around is he?

WicksEnd · 27/10/2015 20:01

Hang on a minute! How come he's signing on? At what address?
If he's not been in work and isn't entitled to contribution based benefit (ie paid NI conts over the last two tax years) then he's claiming income based JSA FRAUDULENTLY as you are earning and supporting him.
Either way, if he is claiming income based JSA it's fraud if he's claiming from his parents address, and its fraud if he's claiming from your address & not declaring your working hours an income.

Original poster
whostheJohnsonnow · 27/10/2015 20:08

He's not signing on anymore WicksEnd. He signed off months ago, got a job, lost it, and went onto ESA. He's signed off that now that he has new job.

Him using my address only happened in the last couple of weeks, and he certainly isn't claiming benefits under it.

It still has massive implications for me though. Which is why he's going to be too to change it asap.

OP posts:
GingerIvy · 27/10/2015 20:09

OP, you might want to think about booting him out immediately before he messes up things for you financially to the point where you're struggling to fix it.

Original poster
whostheJohnsonnow · 27/10/2015 20:09

Going to be told to change it asap.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 27/10/2015 20:10

He won't do it. Honestly, the Freedom Programme will be the best investing of your time, to stop you wasting even more on losers like this.

Offred · 27/10/2015 20:14

Why would the turkey try to bring Christmas forward?

He isn't going to do anything to end this, certainly not for your sake!

You will need to make him leave.

He will tell you what you want to hear and a load of sob stories so you give in and he gets to keep freeloading with a 'you're irrational/mean/crazy' thrown in for good measure...

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 27/10/2015 20:21

Do you know what you will say to him tonight?

He will not want to leave. He will try to make you feel responsible for his difficulties. He isn't going to give up his free place in London without a fight. He obviously knows what buttons to press to manipulate you or he wouldn't have lasted this long.

Do you know what you will do tonight / this week when he tries to press the emotional manipulation buttons?

Penfold007 · 27/10/2015 20:28

You still haven't told him to sling his hook have you?

AnyFucker · 27/10/2015 20:29

op doesn't see him until late this evening, I think

Trills · 27/10/2015 20:31

Hope you can get your point across this evening.

Offred · 27/10/2015 20:32

Yes, she isn't home from work until 11 which is partly why this is so difficult. Leaving early in the morning and returning so late doesn't leave you with much energy for dealing with cocklodgers!

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