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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

I really could do with some support

268 replies

Cowscockwithonions · 25/10/2015 13:55

After 6 years of being with an emotionally abusive partner, I've told him it's over- he's gone from being angry to emotional blackmail, to making it sound like all my fault.
After an argument, he left about half an hour ago, making a big thing of saying goodbye to our son- who is now crying for his dad.
I have no one to tell me I'm doing the right thing, every time this has happened before I have weakened and taken him back.
I know he's probably going to come back later to twist the knife even more.
I just need someone to hold my hand through this and reassure me that I've done what's best for my children
:-(

OP posts:

Report

Cowscockwithonions · 30/10/2015 08:37

He's increased my anxiety so much.

OP posts:

Rozalia · 30/10/2015 08:58

My depression disappeared when he left.

AnyFucker · 30/10/2015 09:44

Christ, he really is the personification of passive aggressive loser bingo

Ticks every box

Cowscockwithonions · 30/10/2015 10:06

He's now being even more weird- he has nipple piercing which I used to like when we first met- he has now taken it out! Not sure if that's supposed to symbolise something!
He's also being "good cop" with the kids, they want to do something, normally he wouldn't say yes, I'm saying no, and he's saying to them "sorry but mum says I'm not allowed to take you". (They wanted to go somewhere)

OP posts:

pocketsaviour · 30/10/2015 11:39

Next time he brings you tea or food, throw it in his face.

Have you spoken to your landlord?

Cowscockwithonions · 30/10/2015 12:57

I can't really throw it in his face with the kids here, it'd cause a huge row, and tbh, I'm feeling extremely fragile at the moment- he's just making me so nervous by just being here- I don't want him to start talking about "our relationship" and what he can do to fix it, there's no point in discussing anything with him, we just go round in circles.
Not really sure what I'd say to the landlord,I don't know what my rights are.
The only thing I can do is leave myself and not give "dp"any warning so he can't try to stop me, only problem is I don't have money for a deposit for another place, and I don't work, and very few landlords accept tenants on housing benefit

OP posts:

fuzzywuzzy · 30/10/2015 13:14

OP if he's saying he will take the kids somewhere, say alright then

How long is he realistically going to be taking five kids out to places?

BitOutOfPractice · 30/10/2015 13:25

I'd bet my mortgage that your anxiety mysteriously disappears / significantly abates when this prick is out of your life

Stay strong OP

Cowscockwithonions · 30/10/2015 13:36

It's ok, three of the kids are mine from previous relationship, one is his from previous and we have one together - a ds, who he threatened to take when he was a baby.
My nerves are so on edge right now, he's moping around with a very sad face- I'm just dreading what's going to happen next- the crying and emotional blackmail is almost as worst as the ranting and shouting, I just don't know what'll come first

OP posts:

Cowscockwithonions · 30/10/2015 13:47

God, it's started- he said he feels so alone, and misses cuddles, that he's hurting so much- I hate this, I can't help but feel sorry for him, he's making this so bloody hard for me- please someone tell me how to get through this shit

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 30/10/2015 14:09

Go out

Cowscockwithonions · 30/10/2015 14:11

I'm going to in a bit, I can't stand the pressure anymore, I keep thinking about the horrid things he's done, that's what's keeping me from feeling bad now

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 30/10/2015 14:15

I don't really understand why all of you are cooped up in the house and you are making it so easy for him to play his manipulative games. Take some/all of the kids to the park or something yourself and leave him to in his own self pity. You are not obliged to listen to any of it.

AnyFucker · 30/10/2015 14:16

To *wallow

fuzzywuzzy · 30/10/2015 14:16

every time you feel sorry for him remember what he said to your son.

remind yourself exactly what he has done.

How he has tortured your babies by telling them he is leaving etc when he had no intention of doing so.

can you speak to the landlord about changing the tenancy to just you?

you cant live with him. he's a grown man he'll be fine fending for himself, you have five children to take care of.

Cowscockwithonions · 30/10/2015 14:22

The kids are glued to their gadgets! Lol they have been in pjs all day and are quite happy to stay indoors, they don't seem to have picked up on the atmosphere, he's being quiet now, I'm going out in a bit.
Roll on bedtime

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 30/10/2015 14:23

Go out by yourself then

AcrossthePond55 · 30/10/2015 14:39

Just keep repeating in your head "It isn't real, he doesn't mean it. We've done this before and nothing changes" over and over. Try to tune him out and be away from him as much as you can.

Cowscockwithonions · 30/10/2015 16:44

I went out to see a friend- am feeling a bit better now.
Do u think it's possible like men for him to change?

OP posts:

Cowscockwithonions · 30/10/2015 17:12

I've just been given a plate of spag Bol, despite saying that I'm not hungry- and I said that I really am NOT HUNGRY, so he took it away while giving me a sad look. Oh well.

OP posts:

Cowscockwithonions · 30/10/2015 17:15

Is there anyone who I can chat with? I really need someone to talk to right now

OP posts:

Muddlewitch · 30/10/2015 17:16

I'm here cows

mix56 · 30/10/2015 17:17

NO, THEY DO NOT
his behaviour is straight out of the EA handbook, all the gentle, kindness, tears, blah blah blah....it is so classic, once he reals you back in he will continue the cycle of being abusive again... call Womens Aid, & get some support. Does he work ? Do you have joint bank accounts? if so, make sure he doesn't empty it. Open yourself a private account & transfer the savings into it. make sure you know where all the important documents are, & give them to a friend to keep (not in your house)
Tell him to start looking for accommodation instead of moping around. detach, you don't listen to his whining, walk out of the room. Be strong for you & your children

Muddlewitch · 30/10/2015 17:17

And no, sadly I don't think people like that do change, not that they can't, but they don't chose to.

Cowscockwithonions · 30/10/2015 17:21

Thanks muddle.. I wrote a list a couple of days ago of all the bad things he's said/done, so I can read it when I'm feeling sorry for him.

One of the things he done, is just shameful, I wanted to say on here but am worried that I'll get reported cos it sounds a bit "out there" and "weird".

OP posts:

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