I really could do with some support

[Cowscockwithonions]

After 6 years of being with an emotionally abusive partner, I've told him it's over- he's gone from being angry to emotional blackmail, to making it sound like all my fault.
After an argument, he left about half an hour ago, making a big thing of saying goodbye to our son- who is now crying for his dad.
I have no one to tell me I'm doing the right thing, every time this has happened before I have weakened and taken him back.
I know he's probably going to come back later to twist the knife even more.
I just need someone to hold my hand through this and reassure me that I've done what's best for my children
:-(

[ExtraHotLatteToGo]

Great you got to stay in the house.

I agree that he doesn't need to see them, I wasn't sure if your children would want to see him or not and if they did if he'd take them too, or not, on principal. But I think you're right, they're better off not seeing him, just a bit difficult that the little one gets to (from their POV) & shame you can't stop him seeing the little one.

But don't feel bad. Life is what it is. You have got OUT, you & the kids are living in a lovely, (mostly) stress free environment away from this abusive prick. Just focus on going forward, building their confidence & showing them that his behaviour was not acceptable, at all. Try to get it through to them that it's not to be tolerated and it's no way to treat your partner & children. Good can come from bad x

[Cowscockwithonions]

My children do.want to see him, he's brainwashed them, they don't need him in their lives, their own father doesn't bother with them, but I know that ex is no good for them, he's hurt them so much, not physically, but emotionally.
I feel absolutely awful that my life turned out like this, my three eldest don't have a dad, and the man they called their stepdad was horrible to them

[Cowscockwithonions]

I'm still in the house, his daughter moved out to be with him, her choice. ATM he's just seeing his son, I don't think he needs to see my children, he's never been that nice to them.

[ExtraHotLatteToGo]

Sorry. Damn iPad. Does he not take your kids out too?

How are all the kids?

[JontyDoggle37]

That's not a boast, it's a bloody wonderful update that you made the break and have built a lovely life for yourself. A huge WELL DONE and a very un-mumsnetty hug just for being brilliant. Your kids will always thank you for this.

[ExtraHotLatteToGo]

Does he only take DS? Does he not take the your as well, or do they not want to go? What happened to his DD? Are you in your house or did you have to move out?

Great news about the job too!

[Cowscockwithonions]

Thank you, I'm feeling so liberated, things aren't perfect, I still have to see ex when he picks ds up, but apart from that, things are good, I have a job, which is in school hours so is perfect for me.
I'm not boasting, I hope I don't come across that way, I just feel so happy to have come through all this shit.

[ExtraHotLatteToGo]

CONGRATULATIONS 💐🍭⭐️🍹🎉😁😁😁

Thank you for the update, it's always lovely to get good updates!

[Cowscockwithonions]

Sorry. I know this is a zombie thread, but just wanted to update, im free! It took all this time and i won't bore you with all the details, but for the first time in a long time, I'm 'me' again, the last year or so has been pure hell, but luckily I've had help from my family and friends, and now, its just me and my children.
We can now watch whatever we want on TV, eat what we want when we want, and I can be me, just me, without him ruining everything

[RandomMess]

Geez I'd just back all your bags and go to your parents. Get in touch with the Landlord explain you can afford the tenancy on your own (but arse wipe won't be able to )and you will happily go back if LL removes arse wipe off the tenancy agreement.

Have a fantastic Christmas without him being a factor in it all by getting out asap.

[PowerPantsRule]

I agree with pond too, and truly, I do not underestimate you when I say you are browbeaten. You are being abused! As AF says - absorb this....really believe it, we can't all be wrong!

[AnyFucker]

Totally agree with pond

[AnyFucker]

Yes, you are doing

Keep hold of that, and make sure you don't slip back into the old appeasing ways.

For example, your post above about the tampered-with underwear drawer. You made it quite clear what your thought processes were. Then when we acknowledged them, you back tracked.

Absorb how bad he really is.

He really is that bad.

[AcrossthePond55]

Xpost with you. Good on talking to your parents.

[AcrossthePond55]

It's because he's fucked with your head for so long that you no longer trust your instincts. But your instincts are good. You know he's a useless bag of shit. You know you need to get shot of him. The only thing now is to make a definite plan and carry it out.

Don't be side tracked with fancy underwear or his sexual predilections. Those are just a red herring, a smokescreen your mind is throwing up to avoid dealing with what you need to do. By allowing yourself to think about them you are using up valuable energy and resourcefulness that you should be putting into getting away from him.

Shake it off. Call your parents and say "I need help getting out of here".

[Cowscockwithonions]

I am doing AF, since posting on here,(which took a lot) I've told my parents what going on- that wasn't easy, I was absolutely dreading it, but I did it.

[AnyFucker]

I know. It's ok. It's a process.

Perhaps you need to stop thinking and start doing ? Just a thought.

[Cowscockwithonions]

Anyfucker, you may be right, I don't know who I am anymore, I'm constantly second guessing myself

[AnyFucker]

Aww, don't hate yourself. It weakens you and undermines your resolve. Hate him

Don't let him win. Don't sit back while the tactics he has been using for years continue to be successful.

[AnyFucker]

I never said I underestimate you. I am reflecting back what you said. But I have to say you tell us how bad it is, we agree and then you pull back. I think you are so conditioned to doing that, you don't even realise that is what you are doing.

[Cowscockwithonions]

Af, I hate myself for letting him do this to me, I feel so helpless.

[Cowscockwithonions]

Power and af, please don't underestimate me, u don't know me, u don't know how I'm feeling right now, I'm not "brow beaten" at all. I'm not going to let a stupid, pathetic, abusive arsehole beat me.

[AnyFucker]

I hate him too.

[Cowscockwithonions]

I don't know for sure where he went, and whether he met a man or not, it was just my gut instinct, and when I found my underwear drawer open, my imagination went into overdrive.
I really couldn't give a shit if he's shagging men, I wish he'd just meet someone (male or female) and fuck off out of my life, I hate him and what he's done to me and my children

[AnyFucker]

I thought it was just me for a moment there