just found out his friend isn't just a friend # 2

[binders1]

Binder army, please find me.

In summary found out 10 days ago OH has been having an affair for the 14 years we have been together and we have one DS 8 yrs. OW is someone he has been sleeping with since college. She is married with 2 dc' s and who knows OH could be biological father of child(re n). She is also someone we have been to lunches and dinners twice yearly where she has acted inappropriately. When questioned OH years ago he said I was mad and denied a relationship except friendship. Found porno photos of them over the decades in the loft.

I don't know what else to say as so much info was in thread 1. I have relied on the support of the old thread. I call them my binder army. Tomorrow is d day, he leaves the house or we do.

Binders you are doing so well, I promise you that how you are feeling just now is only temporary it gets better every day. for you and rottie.

You are doing really well. As I said above, this might feel like a step backwards but it really isn't. You have done the OWH a favour he desperately needed. What he chooses to do with that information is now up to him.

Now is the time to keep taking steps to make your life a bit easier. Focus on your ds but acknowledge your completely normal, understandable feelings. You didn't make a mistake in not discovering this before - it would have been a mistake to let him stay. Your dignity and courage is shining through. Take each day, maybe even hour, at a time.

I hope all is ok. I think it was brave and compassionate of you to meet OWH.

I wonder if the person she was with 4 years ago was in fact your ex? If not, now you know something about her that your ex doesn't. A good card to keep up your sleeve.

Amazing post from unknownabc. It must be an encouragement to you? That her life is now wonderful.

But all the pain to get through first, sadly

I just wanted to and

Keep taking it hour by hour and day by day. Look to one of those points in the future and focus on getting there. When you get there remind yourself that you are one hour/day/week closer to feeling better.

Binders, you did amazingly yesterday, you really did. All your halloween and Christmas plans sound lovely, and you'll enjoy them as much as ever, as like you said they will be no different, you will look back and see this as such a good freeing thing that happened to you

Binders. Your thread has nearly 1000 posts now. Please start a new one if you'd like to keep posting. I know you have blown us all away with the way you have handled this, and I would live to keep checking in and supporting you if I can.

And Rotty - I'm raising a glass to you tonight as well.

Thinking of you binders

Hi Binders, it sounds like you are feeling a bit overwhelmed. Quite normal with all you had to put up with. It is also the grieving process. You can not avoid it. But it is actually quite healthy and it does not last forever. Give yourself a lot of TLC like we try giving to you. Hugs an

Hi everyone. I can't thank you enough for all your kind words. So so many posts gave me encouragement and hope and it overwhelms me that so many people have been thinking of me.

As you will probably have guessed, the weekend has not been great. Rotty had wanted me to go with her after leaving the hotel but I told her I would be ok. She wasn't confident and said she read the thread because she knew I would be on it and saw me spiralling and just dropped everything and came over and felt guilty for leaving me and warned next time there will be no choice.

I don't even know what happened after that. I was in such a state and couldn't even talk anymore - don't think I've cried as much. I was like this all night and fell asleep about 4.20 am - like some sort of mini meltdown. Rotty has been here all weekend. Meeting owh had brought it all to a head. I slept through most of yesterday, had so many weird and vivid dreams and remember waking on and off but going straight back to sleep.

I missed decorating the house (Rotty did it with DS and my nephew) and missed the Halloween party but DS went. He was told mummy wasn't feeling well. So guilty that I let him down and missed making those memories with him. What if I had no-one else and there I was asleep not looking after him. We all went to a local park this afternoon to get some fresh air and sat and had a coffee whilst the boys played football.

This weekend has definitely scared me and despite all that sleep I feel totally exhausted and drained. My head really hurts and my throat feels constricted. I have these bursts of feeling upset and have silent tears, they only last a few minutes and then I feel better but they happen regularly all day. I will keep letting the tears flow freely until they eventually stop.

None of them can hurt me anymore now. Nothing left to do now but get on with my life together with my beautiful boy. I am so lucky to be his mum.

You've all helped support and guide me through a suspicion, to identifying an affair, confronting EX, getting EX out of the house, heartbreak of telling DS, telling OWH and meeting with OWN. I can't thank you enough my binder army.

Sadwidow I didn't get your pm but I know they go through email and I've had problems signing in. I had wanted to call you in
person just to thank you x

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Great to hear from you Binders!
Don't worry about missing ds' Halloween - I'm sure he had a ball and there will be other memories to be made. Your body needed to rest.
Stay strong, you're doing grand.

Binders- my heart goes out to you. If its any tiny consolation tears really do heal and every crying jag gets you a bit nearer that day where you realise things are gradually getting better.

You clearly adore your DS and he will know that. That will be a source of strength to him and help him get through these changes. Your sister is a wonderfully kind woman. The love she has for you must show you how worthy of love you are, and how much you did not deserve any of this treatment.

Yes binders, don't worry you've goes loads of memories to make with ds. If no one was there to help, toys still be there for him, believe me. You'll be fine too, it's a lot of work, and you've had an enormous loss. Stay well

I hope this won't make you feel worse but I honestly think this is the point where you have no choice but to face the end of your relationship and that's why it's all hitting you so hard now. As you said, everything's done and there's nothing left for you to focus on, it would be a miracle if you didn't fall apart a bit at this stage. All I can say (and it probably doesn't help) is the only way you can go now is up, this is rock bottom and it's horrible but (unfortunately) necessary and probably healthy for you to go through all the pain and loss so you can move on and start building a (fantastic) new life for you and DS. We've been with you from the start and I hope you'll allow us to be with now when you need all the support you can get, anything you need your army will do all we can to help you through. I hope you're ok, give that lovely sister of yours a hug from me and tell her I think she's wonderful for doing what we'd all like to if we knew you in RL, you deserve the best support there is and I'm glad you have Rotty. Will be thinking about you Binders, take care

And so you've had the crash. And survived it. It may not seem like it right now, but you're slowly starting to move forwards. Onwards and upwards. You, DS, and Rotty will see this things through.

Hi Binders. Your reactions are completely normal for such a stressful situation as you are in the grieving stage. I found this advice (see below) on a separation website & some of the points are quite useful.

How to help yourself through this time

Watch your thoughts. Keep reminding yourself that others have been through this and have survived

Get the support of your boss and your family doctor

Keep an eye on your diet and physical health, exercise …keep strong!

Work out a new routine and stick to it

Don’t overdo it on substances like coffee, cigarettes or alcohol

Don’t be afraid to use the support of family friends, but also make sure you have time alone with the children & to rest

Get out of the house at some point everyday

Get into the routine of chatting to someone close to you about your feelings

I'm still puzzled binders. You said rottie was in the hotel and you collapsed into her arms there when owh left. Can you please clarify?

Boop she was at hotel. Sister was there. They parted ways. Binders came home. Felt rotten. Posted on MN. Her sister saw it and went to her house.

She collapsed into Rottys arms. Later they left separately, Rotty read the thread saw she wasn't doing well at home. Came over.

Binders please start a new thread. Only four messages left.

That's not how I read it small but I wait to be corrected.

It is how I read it too Small. Binders says all that on yesterday's post, nothing about leaving with Rotty, and has clearly clarified it all in tonight's post.

A third thread is called for, binders.... your army awaits