just found out his friend isn't just a friend # 2

[binders1]

Binder army, please find me.

In summary found out 10 days ago OH has been having an affair for the 14 years we have been together and we have one DS 8 yrs. OW is someone he has been sleeping with since college. She is married with 2 dc' s and who knows OH could be biological father of child(re n). She is also someone we have been to lunches and dinners twice yearly where she has acted inappropriately. When questioned OH years ago he said I was mad and denied a relationship except friendship. Found porno photos of them over the decades in the loft.

I don't know what else to say as so much info was in thread 1. I have relied on the support of the old thread. I call them my binder army. Tomorrow is d day, he leaves the house or we do.

Hoping everything goes your way tomorrow and smoothly.

Hello Binders,

Fwiw here are some of my thoughts on the situation

1. I think he wanted to be caught eventually. What kind of dickhead leaves nude photos of a woman hes been banging on a sofa that was new when he got with his partner, in the attic, where his OH knows he has stuff, where she might find them. By insisting on all of you meeting up, and allowing this woman to behave as she did - I think a part of him wanted you to twig what was happening. Eventually after you raised questions as to her behaviour, you were going to look - anyone would see that. If not there could be a million reasons why you might find them - either way hes a bell end.

1. Have you been for a check up? If this woman is happy to cheat with her OH with your husband on an ad hoc basis, whats to say that she hasn't been shagging other men as well. You haven't mentioned whether this sex was protected - not that id take him at his word. I would recommend you get checked out lovely asap. Not trying to wind you up but you only have his word that she is the only one hes been at it with, not that I think there have been others, but if this fucker has kept this quiet for 14 years you never know, and its not worth risking your health over.

1. I would move anything of sentimental/high value of yours out of the way before tomorrow. If he leaves, you wont be able to keep a close eye on everything he takes - you don't want him slipping something expensive of yours, or important - like financial docs just to be a twat. If its important, put it in a safe place so you can take it quickly, or ensure he doesn't. There is nothing to say he wont try taking something like precious new born photos of your DS just to be a dick. Move it or risk losing it.

1. Any other joint accounts aside from mortgage - need changing. Any email accounts - social media accounts, anything of yours he knows the passwords to or has access to needs securing.

I am sure your sis at some point will tear him a new one. You keep your head up lovely - hes a lowlife and will get whats coming to him (I suspect from your lovely sister haha). You are doing so much more than re claiming your dignity and self respect, you are showing your son that it is not acceptable to treat women the way he has and that any woman worth her salt wont tolerate it. He wont appreciate this now, but when hes older he'll be able to look at his mother and realise she wasn't a doormat.

Wishing you all the luck and love in the world, and I hope that bell end that you've endured for 14 years, get a 14 year long dose of the shits xx

salutes< I'm also still with you Binders. Adding to the voices wishing you inner steel tomorrow and a good nights sleep tonight.

I'm delurking to wish you all the best for tomorrow & hope that you & your DS are able to stay in the family home until everything is sorted.

Big hugs to you all

Rab x x

Hi Binders. Wishing you well. I kicked mine out of the family home too. My tactic was that this was dd's home, she was not to be messed around because of his behaviour, she needed stability and as her mother I was staying too. We are still here.

Could you appeal to him in a similar way?

Oh Binders, what shit is he giving you?

Could you call up FIL and ask for support for your DS?

If your exDP won't move out, you will have to destroy your DS's home. This can't be fair in anyway. I'm sure your FIL will take your son's side in all of this.

I am 100% in agreement with Fontella.

Please do not move out.

You need to grow the hide of a rhino, stay put in the house, and keep your DS in his own room, under his own roof.

If you take your DS away he will use this against you. It will be construed as attempted alienation or even attempted abduction, or using DS as a pawn to force him to move out so you can get your hands on the house.

No letter to him explaining where you are going or for how long will make a difference as long as the same letter contains reference to him leaving the house. No matter what pains you go to to try to separate the two issues and emphasise DS's welfare is paramount, it is your word against his that the atmosphere in the house is too awful to handle or that it would have a negative impact on DS.

This is not about holding onto property but about keeping custody of your DS and preventing alienation.

If he makes any attempt to threaten you, or raise a hand to you, call police immediately. You need to log that earlier incident that you reported.

Could your sister move in temporarily, to make ex's life miserable?

(posted this on the last thread but I don't know if I made it in before it went poof as I lost my connection)

Like the idea of your sister moving in instead...

Look at you all moving without telling me!
How are you sleeping Binders?
Actually you might be asleep now...tiptoes out again...

OK who failed to pass on standing orders to pr officer?!

Hellkitty a commendation for your sterling work.

Field Marshal Binders we await further instructions.

binders I'm here reporting for duty.

Just want to say, whatever happens this weekend, one day there will be an end to this. One day you will be away from him and this situation.

I've read both threads tonight. I was going to bed 2 hrs ago! I'd like to enlist too. Your sisters sounds fantastic. I don't have a sister but I so want one now.
I just wanted to say youre an inspiration. I hope everything goes well tomorrow.

Another one signing up to join the Binders Army. As utterly shit it all is now there will be an end to it and a much brighter future for you and your Ds. Good luck for tomorrow

Hee hee - love the pictures!!!

You should create a Pinterest Kitty so we can make you famous :)

I did the same last night Lynn - and I still can't get over this individual, I want to throw rotten eggs at him and honestly I am normally the most calm person ever! He makes my blood boil

Thinking of you today Binders

Hi Binders

I've been lurking but good luck for today. Remember since your ex doesn't have MN to remind him not to, there's every possibility he may change the locks if you do leave. Do you have a back door? Copying that key might give you some reassurance.

Since his game plan seems to be "stick head in sand and blame Binders for her unreasonable reaction to news of long-term infidelity" I think to break the impasse you're going to need a third party for some sort of mediation. I wouldn't recommend your in-laws - when he suggested the Chinese I strongly suspected your MIL had suggested he cook you a nice meal or something to win you over . Is there anyone you can think of? If you are going to stay put then something else has to happen - this is intolerable and can't drag on indefinitely.

I'm not usually a poster Binders, I'm more of a lurker but I wanted to wish you luck for today.
Stay strong, stay put.
If he couldn't face the consequences of his actions he really shouldn't have done the crime should he.

Morning Binders Sergeant Major Tableandchairs up early and reporting for duty

Morning Binders and the army! I have everything crossed for you today B.

Just a thought, but I wonder if Ow's Oh knows and Gobshite knows he knows, might it encourage him to move out to somewhere not so easily accessible ? Not that I want to encourage male violence, but Gobshite does strike me as the cowardly type...

Signing up for duty Binders! And wishing you lots of luck for today. I can't believe how childishly he's behaving. Will be thinking of you.

Private Phoenix reporting for duty.

Cannot add to any of the advice given.....but. Try to stay put, put lots of pressure on him today, enlist the Rottweiler........make it as uncomfortable as possible

There's already a massive tit out without us adding ours CactusAnnie. Ooh, I have an idea for encouraging him out permanently - perhaps ow's dh would like to come over for dinner... a lot. Time to repay stbxh some awkwardness!