feel like im loosing my mind with this...

[lostgirl83]

Hi all .... where do i start?!
I am so head fucked by my boyfriends behaviour i cant think clearly anymore,
The relationship is so one sided and i make so much effort while he makes none and doesnt even really pretend he does its almost like i should feel priveledged that hes even bothered to talk to me so what am i moaning about.
We dont spend much time together tbh and theres not really a good reason why just that hes so busy ( doing nothing ) apparently.
I wish i could record our phone conversations just to play someone in the hope they will tell me im not going mad as they just get more and more bizarre, he goes from singing how much he loves me and stupid love songs to me down the phone which he says is romantic but just feels sarcastic to a couple of minutes later telling me he doesnt think i give a damn about him i should prove it and hes not sure he sees a future for us....this switch can happen bk n forth a good few times in every conversation then he laughs hysterically saying hes only joking i shouldnt take things so seriously etc etc.
God this all sounds so petty theres so much more weird things that i wish someone would explain to me why he does this as i feel like im loosing my mind atm
Im going through a really rough period of my life atm and i do really love this guy ( weve been together 2 years ) so its not as easy as just dump him although i know that may sound like the best plan.
My friends think he is emotionally abusive and that his behaviour is getting worse not better
Id love some impartial views or advice if anyone would like to chat
TIA

Why are you ignoring all the advice on this thread and staying with him? I just don't understand why. Nobody here is going to tell you to stay. And whether he is abusive or not - what difference does it make?

It is pointless you posting and people advising you if you are just going to ignore isn't it? Take the advice given and start finding a way to build your self esteem so you stop thinking this man is all you deserve.

I didnt think i had ignored all the advice im sorry if ive annoyed people i will leave the thread now

Op, I think you're addicted to attention so you just keep posting and not doing anything because you are getting something from all of us posting. And it is obvious that you are not going to leave him because he gives you attention, which gets you more from us.

So good luck with your life, please do think of your kids sometime and what you're doing to them.

Wow....what an awful thing to say that im addicted to attention and thats why i posted, i just wanted some advice and mostly it has been really helpful and helped me see him for what he really is
Yes i fell off the wagon and let him over im obviously not as strong as others on here he has asked to come tonight and ive said no

What is awful about it? I didn't say you were horrible, just that what type getting from posting here isn't so much helpful advice that you will act upon, but attention so you can moan about him and get sympathy.

If you are serious about getting him out of typy life then do it. If you need strength, think of what this is doing to your kids.

Sorry, your life, not typy

I dont want sympathy at all i was just confused as not been in this situation before and when someone minimises everything u dont know if ur overreacting or not
Like i said im not trying to annoy anyone but telling someone they are addicted to attention is quite a judgement :(

You're worth more, Lostgirl. You're worth more. You're worth more. You're worth more. You don't believe it, but you are. Start behaving as if you believe you are worth more, and with each small achievement, award yourself a little more belief in your own goodness. FFS unhook your mind from this man. He's become like a currency you value everything by. What HE thinks, what HE'LL say, what HE'LL want to eat, what HE'LL want you to do in bed, what message HE'LL send or not send. You're scared that, without the currency of him, your value will go from low to zero. Low to unknowable, because you're so used to valuing yourself only on the yardsticks of others. That's a horrible feeling, but you can have your own yardstick. Write down all the good stuff you do, all the things you do every day for your child, the stuff you do for you, yes even the stuff you do for him. You think of others and their needs before yourself, and you make sure you fulfil them. Collect 200 points. He thinks of himself first. You are worth more.

OP, I feel for you and I don't think your looking for attention. I have been in your situation and I know where your head is at. Everybody's advice is good advice but hearing it and doing it are two different things. I had a partner who just like yours turned me from a strong intelligent woman into someone I no longer recognised, he stripped my self esteem away and still I begged to be loved by him, so powerful was his 'hold' over me. It's a very toxic, lonely place to be and it took me years to stop myself being addicted to him. He was a very clever, charming man to the outside world and knew exactly how to tap into my insecurity. I was with him 7 yrs and he broke me. It takes time OP, I know your lonely, I know how easy it is to crave that crumb of love, to put him first, but it's because you have been conditioned. You can break free, tiny steps, bad months, good wks, relapses,, wean yourself gradually. I understand, I really do.

I do have a couple of close friends in rl but tbh they are sick of hearing about it and think hes an idiot, both are in really good relationships and cant comprehend why i even talk to him let alone be with him

Listen to your RL friends. They are right. You should not even talk to him.

You know he won't change. You know the relationship is hurting you. You know you've been spending money on him instead of your children.

Why not cut him off for a month and see how you feel afterwards.

What's stopping you?

So you saw him and you still feel like shit.
He is never going to make you happy. He doesn't care enough about you and there's nothing you can do to make him change.
Listen to your friends and listen to everyone here.
Your friends care about you. We care that someone is being treated so badly and deserves much better. We don't know you but we all would live to see you happy and treated so badly.
This man does not care about you. Get him out of your life.

Love to see you happy and not treated so badly, that should say

But when you say you fell off the wagon, you make it sound like you've been doing a really good job of keeping away from him up until now. But the truth as far as I can tell is that you only see him once a week or so anyway and since this thread started you've seen him twice at least and phoned him or texted him loads, so what wagon were you ever actually on?

In the last two weeks has he ever asked to come over and told him no? Because if not then there hasn't actually been a wagon. Can't you see that?

Even you texting him saying 'I'm not up for chatting tonight so have a lovely weekend' is your passive aggressive / needy attempt to get him to phone you and ask why are you not up for chatting, which then puts the ball back in his court lie you sulk about the fact that he hasn't picked up on it.

Agree with WoodenSpoon and esp agree with Wings' interpretation that there has been no wagon.

The only thing I can add is that quote by Einstein, about doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

So lostgirl what's your plan now? Have you cut contact/stopped engaging since yesterday?
Why don't you contact your friends, tell them you know they' re sick of hearing about it but you need their help in getting rid of this parasite once & for all! I'm sure they will help you if they realise you mean it.
The alternative is to must carry on as you are or worse !iving with an abusive cocklodger, exposing your kids to this abusive relationship full time and starting thread after thread about what a bastard he is & how mean he's been to you this week!
Please gather your strength, think about your kids & end this!