feel like im loosing my mind with this...

[lostgirl83]

Hi all .... where do i start?!
I am so head fucked by my boyfriends behaviour i cant think clearly anymore,
The relationship is so one sided and i make so much effort while he makes none and doesnt even really pretend he does its almost like i should feel priveledged that hes even bothered to talk to me so what am i moaning about.
We dont spend much time together tbh and theres not really a good reason why just that hes so busy ( doing nothing ) apparently.
I wish i could record our phone conversations just to play someone in the hope they will tell me im not going mad as they just get more and more bizarre, he goes from singing how much he loves me and stupid love songs to me down the phone which he says is romantic but just feels sarcastic to a couple of minutes later telling me he doesnt think i give a damn about him i should prove it and hes not sure he sees a future for us....this switch can happen bk n forth a good few times in every conversation then he laughs hysterically saying hes only joking i shouldnt take things so seriously etc etc.
God this all sounds so petty theres so much more weird things that i wish someone would explain to me why he does this as i feel like im loosing my mind atm
Im going through a really rough period of my life atm and i do really love this guy ( weve been together 2 years ) so its not as easy as just dump him although i know that may sound like the best plan.
My friends think he is emotionally abusive and that his behaviour is getting worse not better
Id love some impartial views or advice if anyone would like to chat
TIA

Today will be challenging but you know that inside the person you think you are, is a very strong woman who is more than capable of creating the right impression at an interview.

You wouldn't be getting an interview if they didn't think it was worthwhile.

Hold your head high and go show them what you can do.

Don't look back,

Good luck op!
Nevergrowingup is right - they want you because of who you are and what you can do.
They know you're up to it and you just have to go in and smile and talk with confidence.

Stay strong!

Hi ladies ive done the interview but my heads not in it today so ive taken the afternoon as flexi and come home

Good for you for going to the interview. Well done!

I'm glad you had a nice weekend and got to see your friend.

Well done, and enjoy your me Time.

Do NOT contact him!

Ive been to the doctors today as got a problem with my neck atm...he text to ask how it went ( i thought bloody hell hes being caring for once ) so i replied and his reply was no sex for u for a good while then as we dont wanna make it worse
Why did i even bother replying? Hes jumped on the fact ive got a bad neck and thought yay an excuse not to have sex with her again for a bit that will stop her pestering me
I give up i only replied as i thought just for once he cared i didnt need to be made to feel any more replusive than i already do
The doc has given me diazepam for my neck though which apparently make you sleepy so maybe ill at least be able to just go to sleep tonight not lie awake crying x

Diazepam will also take the edge off your nerves too and is a lovely lovely tablet!

Im scared of taking it when im on my own with the kids incase it makes me really spaced out? X

What's the dose? You'd have to have a huge dose for it to really knock you out.

Only 2mg i think doc said it would make me drowsy tho x

It won't. Not 2mg.

Have they kicked in yet?

I'm usually really sensitive to stuff and 2mg is nothing, honestly. Hardly felt 4mg either.

Haven't rtft, only first couple of pages, but sounds like this chap needs a thorough and final dumping. Good luck to you.

Read it now. You need rid. He's a bad man. Think of him like cigarettes- hard to give up, but they'll kill you in the end if you don't. Having another means you have to go through the first stages of withdrawal again.
Can you collect his stuff together from your place and put it in a box by the door? Because you know he needs to go. I think part of you is hoping he'll be so scared by the shake up of realising you've changed a bit that you'll get a couple of weeks of good times from him before he reverts to form. But honestly, aren't you worth more than that? You are. People don't deserve to be treated like shit. Even - get this - even ones with abusive parents. It's not that you're unloveable, it's that your vulnerability is visible, and bad 'uns are looking out for someone just like you to exploit.

Give it a couple of months and you'll be on here giving advice to a woman in the position you are now. And on the bright side, you're not having to crib together £10 here and there into a secret fund for a deposit on a new place, where you'll go in a dead of night flit so he doesn't hurt you or your children. That's not uncommon on here, and bloody hard and terrifying.

When you spot yourself feeling positive towards him, try and wean yourself off - people get addicted to the happy future fantasy they've created. It's this that you're in love with, not the man who treats you so badly. If you can separate the two, and disapprove of him for not being the man you want, you're nearly there.

All the luck in the world to you, OP xx

OP your lack of self esteem is jumping out of your posts.
Please, when you dump this arsehole, will you get some counselling?

'Men' like him target women with low self esteem who are kind (I know because I've been there) then they systematically tear you down more and more until you are walking on eggshells, second guessing everything and mentally pulling yourself to pieces over your appearance, intelligence, personality etc etc.
I've followed your thread and think you've been given some fantastic advice. Please read, re-read and absorb the wise words of these posters.

Oh, and concentrate on YOU as well as your kids. Don't bother trying to meet anyone else until you are sure you are in a good place and know your worth.

Please kick this nasty piece of work to the kerb.

I give up Excellent! See that you stick to it, young lady! i only replied as i thought just for once he cared i didnt need to be made to feel any more replusive than i already do

Well done for detecting that! You two aren't even having the same relationship! You think you're in the caring kind, he doesn't care what you think. You want kindness, and he wants to abuse you, reject you and free fillet steaks.

Now, will you please take that exchange as final proof that he will use any opportunity to drag you down further? Please?

Well done on the interview. Even getting through it can be a great achievement, and this wasn't the best of weeks for you. But I think you also did better than you let on.

You have got a lot going for you - you have beautiful kids, you had a job interview, you have a job, you have the ability to buy a house, you sound lovely and let it be said you are a better package than your hopefully soon to be ex and that's why he is a dick to you because he knows this ! Concentrate on your beautiful kids spend your money on their food not this clowns steak, Christmas is coming make it a great one, give yourself a great gift get rid of him and spend the money from his present on you and your kids x

Sorry for the rant peeps i know i keep doing that!

Just catching up. Don't apologise. Rant away. Get angry. He"s a shit and what he has dine to you is wrong. Wrap yourself in your anger. It is your armour.

Op, reading that you've lost all confidence and that you walk around with your head down is heartbreaking. He did this to you, if you have a daughter imagine her going around so visibly broken that people comment on it.

What would you say to her?

My ds is being bullied atm and we've been telling him that he'd never treat anyon badly so he's better than them . Same applies to you, he's a weak bully and you're better than him.

I bet he's a coward around strong confident people.

YOU'RE BETTER THAN HIM!

You know what Lostgirl, most of us have those feelings & fears of worthlessness, don't feel you're the only one. We all get them at times. You've been beaten down by that man's jibes and selfish behaviour, you poor thing. Reading your posts, I can feel you hoping he'd be nice for once - that's you doing wishful thinking because it's so much more pleasant than thinking about how crap he makes you feel. But any niceness he shows you is not true affection because it's sandwiched by horribleness and selfishness. It's him manipulating you. Which is why half of MN is trying to fill you full of the confidence you need to give him the heave-ho. I just bet you'd be a fab girlfriend to a nice bloke. Despite all he's said & done, you want to see whatever good is in him. That's the goodness in you; horrible, 'repulsive' people don't do that. You know the only thing that's really wrong with you, Lostgirl? Him. Lose him, and you'll find yourself pretty quick, because your kind nature seems very strong.

Hi ladies thank you for all your support i feel so weak n hope i feel strong enough soon to say to him what i really want to
Atm im just ignoring him as much as possible

You're showing a lot of strength by ignoring him. Keep going.
Carry on focussing on your lovely dc and on yourself. Work towards living the life you all deserve. Not the half life you'd be living with this arse.

D'you know what, Lostgirl, I've never been through what you're going through. Lots of people on here clearly have but, almost certainly because I'm a bloke, I've never had a relationship where someone treated me so uncaringly. I've been dumped a few times and I've had to ditch a couple of male friends who were users, piss-takers. One of them wanted to fight me in the street but I wasn't going to give him the chance to turn it into a trial of strength. But it's got to be different when someone you loved - thought you loved - turns out to be a user, an emotional abuser. Doesn't matter how obvious it is, you've still got to get over it and, yes, grieve. A bit of you seems to go missing, the hope you put into the relationship. But the person who keeps generating hope, the one who's there for her children, is still here and lives to love another day. So I'm just saying, well done you & keep believing you deserve better.

I often repeat one of the mantras from the EA thread "ignore, ignore, ignore some more". KOKO.

Hi all im back havent posted in a few days was trying to hide away from it all and get my head clearer but its not
I confess i saw him last night being away from him actually hurt and i thought maybe if i see him i will feel better he will tell me its all going to be ok, hes missed me etc
I have no idea how i feel today
I know everyone will say i shouldnt have seen him and i feel embarrased and weak now......