DRY 9!!!!!

[CheesyNachos]

The DRY 8 thread suddenly came to an end! 1000 messages before we knew it.

THis is the thread for those who are abstaining and who want to abstain from alcohol. :)

All are welcome.

Previous thread is here.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2432985-DRY-8?

Teapot I wasn't suggesting anyone had blamed my OH, I was simply saying "don't blame him as it is not his fault". That's all.

I do get that you are wanting to be helpful :) Really I do :) but as for the being either on or off AF ...? Isn't that actually the point of being Dry? One is not moderating, or cutting down - one is not drinking. In my book that is an on/off situation - you either do it - or you don't.

I really do want to do it , in the last year I have read and immersed myself in AF reading, blogs. podcasts etc. but they don't seem to work for me very much (apparently) and actually I just want to be able to be AF, not have to think about not doing it, all the time I am not doing it.

Hello Preces :)

I don't really understand your distinction there regarding blame, but whatever.. it doesn't matter. I was just questioning why you repeatedly have wine in the house when you feel uncomfortable and often cave in to drinking it. You say that you would drive to the shop anyway so it might as well be in the house. It seems as though you have a reason for everything staying as it is... which is fine, but I don't understand how things will change if everything stays the same.

Re. the 'on/off' thing. I think you misunderstand me (fairly likely, my post was garbled). What I am saying is that I think it's important not to be abstaining from alcohol as part of a diet or fitness push; as part of being on a "wagon" of some sort. For those of us here, we have decided that we need for alcohol to be permanently out of our lives because it doesn't work for us any more. Obviously in that sense we are either AF (off) or drinking (relapsing/'on'), but that isn't what I meant.

I think it's only possible to be long-term AF without really thinking about it if you're in the right frame of mind and to be honest, if you believe you are truly lucky and grateful not to still be drinking. I do think about being AF quite a lot of the time - but mainly in the 'thank fuck I don't have to do THAT any more" sense, rather than in a wistful "poor me" way. I had my DTs birthday party on Sunday and felt almost non-stop relief to be sober at it, and smiled noncommittally each time someone said "god I need a drink!" or "wow you really can have a massive glass of wine when you get home!". I feel so glad I just don't need to do that, whereas so many other people do.

But that's me, and that's no help to you. I don't appear to be helping, so will stop blathering on.

Preces - thanks for mentioning Rational Recovery, I hadn't heard of it and had a read up. It sounds similar to something that PinkPop (are you lurking?? ) said on the thread which is that you should never revisit the decision once you've decided to stop. It really worked for her. I can imagine focusing on the 'addict voice' to be really effective and is something that I've done (or similar) over the months.

And welcome to the thread :)

Thanks for the welcome, teapot and gladistopped. I was reading a thread on another website earlier this morning and noticed how many people were counting their days of sobriety... almost as if they were waiting for or expecting them to come to an end. "Oh well, I did three weeks this time..." "Oh well, I managed five years before caving..."

As you say, teapot, I want to be AF through choice, through preference. At the moment that's where I am but I do know the addictive voice is likely to try to trick me if I'm at a low ebb. (That's what you lot are for, right? To help me if I wobble?!) I love what you say about not "needing" to have the alcohol after the party. Yes! That's where I want to be! Thankful that I've stopped the madness finally...

Glad I'm sorry that this is proving so tricky and it is making you feel down. My view for what it's worth is that the first few months are tough and there is no way round that unfortunately. Without wishing to state the bleeding obvious you need to keep going as you're not getting drinking far enough in the rear view mirror for the benefits to really show up and so it sounds like you are stuck in this place of 'it's all bloody hard'. Do PM me if you want :)

Welcome Preces too from me :) And yes that's what we're for

Oh Christ. I am having a wobble. Decorating the tree and I have lots to do this evening and out of nowhere I have a sudden urge for wine.

Ride it out sea distraction, is there any HALT stuff going on? Give it 15 minutes before you act on the impulse okay? :)

Tired...Yes. I have made myself a cup of tea and will see how I feel in half an hour.

Tired...Yes. I have made myself a cup of tea. I will see how I feel in half an hour.

Lucy Thanks for the You are right - I was getting on well when I had several months of clear sobriety to look back on - in the last couple of months I have lost that "clear blue water" to look back over.

Teapot I am not trying to be AF as part of a "diet". Just because I have (during the last couple of years) lost a lot of weight doesn't mean I am trying to stop drinking for purely weight loss reasons. Quite the reverse.

And I now feel a bit that what I am saying in here is being used to make incorrect assumptions about me. Perhaps I would be better not posting.

Hello, lurker here wanting to join. I've always drank too much as I am painfully shy and feel socially inept but in the last year I left an abusive husband, was made redundant and my mum died. My drinking has escalated as I tried to block it all out. I have 3 kids and managed to stop easily during my pregnancies and previously have done various alcohol free stints (the longest after I read the Allen Carr how to control alcohol book). In january I did the course but it didn't work for me so I started going to AA last Tuesday and so far it is working at removing my urge to drink which I am amazed at. I was so nervous and ashamed to go to my first meeting but it was the most welcoming inclusive respectful place I've ever been and I actually felt like people there understood and left feeling uplifted. I've not admitted to anyone (apart from my sister and one close friend) that I'm going so thought I'd join this thread for additional support over Christmas. Day 9 here (and not been able to say that for over a year)

glad you seem to be misinterpreting everything I say. I did not say you were stopping drinking as part of a diet; I did however put forward the thought that the weight and the drinking may be related (they often occur as sister addictions - I also tried to say that that is something I have realised about myself... for me it is no coincidence that I struggle with my weight and with alcohol) and just like with a diet, unless you address the underlying problems, eventually the weight goes back on, or the drinking eventually will restart. You have relapsed several times over the past few months and yet rebuff suggestions put forward and get defensive when your OH is mentioned, even though nobody is "blaming" him for anything. I'm sorry you're having a tough time but I think I'll bow out of replying further as our dialogue is going nowhere.

Hope the craving passed Sea; good advice from Lucy there.

Welcome to the thread Zumba. It's great that you've had a positive experience of AA and that it's helping where other things have failed. I've only been to a couple of meetings and keep meaning to attend more but for some reason haven't got around to it.

Teapot yes please stop it. I am not being defensive about my OH and I do appreciate you think you are helping, but you are not. Particularly your repeatedly telling me I am misinterpreting your comments. I am not misinterpreting anything. Nor am I rebuffing helpful suggestions.
Day 2 here (again) and off to bed now.

teapot I have lurked but read for a couple of months as I didn't have anything to contribute.
It's nearly 3 months for me
For me the on/off analogy really resonates.
It's like quitting smoking too.
I am a very 'all or nothing ' person and find drinking or eating moderately very hard
I can not drink or drink but not just drink a bit
I take hope from the fact I quit smoking 18 months ago and stayed stopped
It's like anything - you have to be really ready in your head for it to work. Like the mindset mentioned of not going back

The craving passed. Phew. I think I experienced a natural high and craved the wine to keep the buzz going. I am not sure if that makes any sense.

Just read previous posts. Sorry, I was a bit all me, me, me. Hello new posters

For me, truly being alcohol free, is when I am not bothered about it. In that I am willingly choosing not to have it, without resentment, etc etc.

Hope everyone gets a good night sleep and has a good sober day tomorrow.

seabiscotti what you've described about feeling a natural high and wanting to keep it going sounds very familiar to me though I've never stopped to think about it before in that way. Well done on riding the craving until it passed. I'm with you on wanting to be not bothered about alcohol. At the moment that's how I feel - but I know myself well enough to know that may change...

So there I was saying I wouldn't count, but this is my second morning after not drinking the night before (I've had months of drinking every night then going to work and gauging how bad my hangover is ) so this feels very liberating! I slept SO WELL (once I finally got to sleep, that is). Yay!

Hi there ididntsignupforthis - I totally know what you mean about moderation being difficult. Me too. I'm going to tackle my weight/food issues in the new year. One step at a time!

I also quit smoking (but a few years ago) and am finding the analogy v useful! Best of luck and good to see you out of lurk mode!

Preces I meant to comment yesterday re. what you said about counting days. I felt that way when I first stopped, because I think I interpreted the counting of days in a negative, "holding on for dear life" kind of way. But then when I stopped, I counted days in a celebratory way, and that's how I feel about it now. I have a day counter app on my phone and I loved seeing it count up to my first month, my first 90 days, etc. To start with I would look at it daily but now I flick it open every now and then to see if I'm nearing a milestone so I can justify a "sober treat" . We're big believers on this thread of treating yourself to something lovely to celebrate your sober milestones, using some of the copious money that would have been spent on booze. 510 days for me today... yay! although annoyingly nowhere near a justifiable milestone

Sea so glad your craving passed. Very interesting what you said about wanting to keep your natural high going... I can identify with that too.

ididnt huge congrats on your 3 months, that's fantastic. Totally agree re. mindset. If someone had said to me even a couple of months before I stopped that I had a problem or should think about stopping, I would have been mortally offended and thought they were exaggerating. It took for me to wake up to it myself and "surrender" to the realisation that I was never going to be someone to casually sit next to their wine glass and nonchalantly sip at it for me to decide to stop.

zumbarunswim just realised I very rudely omitted to say "hi" to you!! Sorry - and welcome. Sounds like you're doing brilliantly in the midst of an unbelievably difficult set of circumstances. Well done. I have wondered about trying AA again myself. I went a few years back but felt very out of place. I wonder if I tried a group near work I might find it supportive?

No worries, I've not name checked anyone yet myself. Maybe try a few different groups-I like the women only meeting the best as its all more relevant to my circumstances.

Glad You're welcome & that self-realisation is really helpful so happy to have helped. Onwards with day two and make sure you ramp up the sober treats as there is nothing worse than feeling deprived when we're wading through the 'it's hard' bit :) Overdose on AF rewards - it is Xmas after all
Welcome Zumba and happy to hear that AA is working for you and well done on 9 days :)
Congrats Ididnt on 3 months!!
Sea yep - feeling high and wanting to go higher? Remember it well and sterling work in beating it without booze :)

Hello all and welcome to the new posters.
I think its been mentioned about feeling deprived. Its so true that any attempt to go AF but feeling deprived is doomed to fail.
My first attempt at AA was a disaster because I couldn't get my head around being happy without alcohol. Watching all these people saying how their life had changed for the better I thought they were bullshitting.
I can see that life is much better without it but I still have a lot of work to do.
I have only had one wobbly night this week where I really wanted a drink but it was a mild wobble.
Not drinking at home has become very easy and I am so much happier for it.
Going out was my downfall but as I did that without drama or incident the little voice is telling me that maybe I can just stick to that. Also I have never had a 'bad' night when I am with my OH its always been with previous partners and friends.
I'm waffling and confused...

Also having read the thread I cannot see any reference to anyone feeling deprived so my previous post is bollocks
Anyway on a lighter note has anyone noticed that since becoming sober they have to wee all the time?
Everything I drink is making an appearance 20 minutes later. I need to go constantly. I am assuming this is from being well hydrated but I thought I would check. I have lower back ache but only when I do physical activity. I assume a kidney infection would be constant aching.

Hi all,

I hope it is all going well with everyone. I don't post much but come on here and read the threads every day - please don't underestimate how helpful you all are at supporting people like me, even though I am not a very frequent poster. Thank you!

Does anyone use an app to track how many days they haven't drank for? If so, which one?

I started on Dec9th and would like to find an app I can backdate, so it shows the true number of days without drink. Thanks!

Not at all dona. I think deprived is one of the many adjectives that could be used. I would make a gp appointment if it persists.

Hello to everybody else old and new